My name is JoAnn and I am married to a Sex Addict. This site, and the book I am writing is for anyone who loves or cares about a Sex Addict.
Here you will find support, conversation, feedback and resources to help you understand yourself and the Sex Addict. This understanding and knowledge of the hows and whys will be the first step toward healing for yourself and the addict.
Please come back often as I will be posting excerpts from my book as well as new research findings, articles and my own thoughts and progress and I encourage you to share your thoughts and ideas. In the meantime take care and be safe.
We come to the end of our journey with Barbara Steffens in this final segment of our interviews. In this last interview Barbara discusses the issues that must be addressed after the initial discovery, how and what to tell the children, where to find support and how to relieve stress. Barbara also shares her very poignant personal story of forgiveness.
It is a very bittersweet ending for me as I feel as if I am saying goodbye to a very dear friend. But we can access her wisdom any time with the interviews and her book. I know I speak for everyone when I say “Thank You” to Barbara for her sharing and caring in offering her time for these interviews.
If you have other authors or authorities you would like to hear, please feel free to make suggestions.
Here is Part Three of the four part series of interviews with Barbara Steffens. If you liked parts one and two, I’m sure you will enjoy this session. In Part Three Barbara discusses what effects stress and trauma have on our bodies and our minds, and what types of treatments are available.
Once again, I would like thank Barb for so generously sharing her time, knowledge and experience with us.
Be sure to check back next week for the Fourth and final session of this series.
If you have other authors or authorities you would like to hear, please feel free to make suggestions.
We’ve all encountered Passive Aggressive Behaviors and most of us will engage in a bit of it ourselves at times–usually to avoid an uncomfortable argument. Whenever we say ‘Yes’ when we really want to say ‘No’ and then act in an angry manner we are using the avoidance technique that can be classified as passive/aggressive.
Dr. Daniel K. Hall-Flavin, M.D., a psychiatrist at the Mayo Clinic describes Passive Aggressive behavior as a pattern of expressing your negative feelings in an indirect way — instead of openly addressing them. People who are passive-aggressive appear to agree with the requests of others. They may even seem enthusiastic about them. But they don’t perform a requested action on time or in a useful way, and may even work against it. In other words, they use nonverbal behavior to express anger or resentment that they can’t express verbally. An example is showing up very late to a meeting that you didn’t really want to attend and then making up excuses for your lateness that deflect attention from the real reason you were late.
I like to think of Passive Aggressive behaviors as ‘polite hostility’. When a Passive Aggressive person engages in this behavior they say one thing while meaning another, and they ‘kind of’ want you to know what they really mean, but can’t face the potential conflict. So, they leave you there, scratching your head trying to figure out their mixed signals. It can really make you crazy!
As with all personality disorders, Passive Aggressive Behaviors are not black and white or all or nothing, but come in various shades of gray. And, while most people slip in a little avoidance now and then, the Sex Addict eats, lives and breathes avoidance of expressing their true feelings. It’s just a part of their alphabet soup of disorders. It’s sort of abuse on the sly.
I’ve gotten a little behind on posting in the Q&A section of ‘Ask JoAnn’, so I thought I would put some of the questions, along with my answers, here so that each of you could respond if you wish. Here is a question from a reader called Rosy:
Subject: when an addict relapses in recovery
Message: My husband is a SA I decided to support him through his recovery (12 step)because despite his addiction i know he is a good person. he was doing really well until recently. I had one boundary and that was if he acted out i would leave. Yesterday i asked if he has acted out and he admitted that he has had 2 slips one a couple of weeks ago and the other last weekend. I know that if i had never asked the question he would not have admitted it to me. My heart is breaking because now i feel as though i have to leave as i can’t see any other way to stay. Have i got setting boundaries so wrong? How did you make it work for you? Surely every addict in recovery relapses I don’t know if i should stay or leave?
Rosy
Hi Rosy,
I’m so sorry your husband is having difficulty with his recovery as I know how much it hurts when they continue to act out.
One of the difficulties with setting boundaries is that often we set boundaries that we know we cannot enforce. Then, the addict quickly gets the message that there are no consequences at all for his actions. Continue reading “Rosy Asks JoAnn”
I’m glad I found this site, I have been reading posts all day and it has been very emotional for me.
I have been married for almost 25 years and my husband is a sex addict. Early on in our marriage he had a series of affairs and I should have known then. It seemed like all was okay for the next ten years, not so sure now. In the past four years that I know of, he has been going to swinger’s clubs, engaging in swinging behavior, frequenting adult book stores, internet dating sites, pornography, and most recently, engaging in homosexual activity.
I found all this out two years ago when he told me that he was going through a midlife crisis and wasn’t sure he loved me. I went through some of his things and found receipts for women’s jewelry. I confronted him, and after endless lies, he told me he was in love with another woman. Continue reading “Too Bad To Stay, Too Good To Leave–The Story Of A Sex Addict’s Wife”
Here is Part Two of the four part series of interviews with Barbara Steffens begin_of_the_skype_highlighting end_of_the_skype_highlighting. If you enjoyed part one you will LOVE part two. In Part Two Barbara discusses the ‘life quake’ of discovery of the Sexual Addiction, disclosures, honesty, trust and boundaries.
Once again, I would like to offer a great big ‘Thank You!’ to Barb for so generously sharing her time, knowledge and experience with us.
Did you know that 80% of kids aged between 14 and 16 access porn?
The internet is a wonderful source of information and has served to educate many of us, both young and old. But, unfortunately, it is also a free and easy method for our children to access inappropriate sexually explicit material at a very young age. Click here to read this very disturbing article
Whenever I read a comment or story from women who have young children and are struggling with the decision to stay or leave their porn addicted spouses, the first thought that comes to my mind is ‘What about the children’?
Sharing your story benefits us all. You feel better sharing with others who have had similar experiences and we feel better knowing that we are not alone.
Click Here to Share Your Story
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I had a woman counselor contact me who offers counseling for partners of Sex Addicts. If you live in the Katy or Houston, TX area and you would like Christian counseling from a professional who also shares our experiences with Sex Addiction contact:
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