My name is JoAnn and I am married to a Sex Addict. This site, and the book I am writing is for anyone who loves or cares about a Sex Addict.
Here you will find support, conversation, feedback and resources to help you understand yourself and the Sex Addict. This understanding and knowledge of the hows and whys will be the first step toward healing for yourself and the addict.
Please come back often as I will be posting excerpts from my book as well as new research findings, articles and my own thoughts and progress and I encourage you to share your thoughts and ideas. In the meantime take care and be safe.
My husband was 28 and a virgin when I met him. I did not know he was a virgin just thought he was sexually inexperienced. Then when we began having sex, he told me he wanted to wear women’s undergarments and watch me have sex with other men. I told him I did not like him talking about that stuff and to please stop.
He did for awhile then we got married and had children. The first few years with the marriage and children were wonderful, no complaints, maybe some bizarre talk during sex, but that was it.
Fast forward a couple years, I feel his behavior is out of control. He likes to go to Victoria’s Secret and tell the sales girl he is there to be punished for wearing panties and he needs to buy more for himself. He told me he could see our neighbor across the way naked so he would watch her every morning and thought about calling her to see if she was interested in a threesome. Continue reading “Michelle’s Story Of Her Husband’s Fetishes And Sexual Addiction”
I try to stay objective about the comments and e-mails I receive, but alas, I am only human. And, you know what? I’m glad. I’m glad that I am still filled with passion and emotion. I’m glad that I can love all of you enough to just fly off in a fury over something one of you has written about your Sexually Addicted spouses or partners.
As with most emotional outbursts the little things add up. I try to understand that everyone here is in different places, as are their spouses. I try to send good energy to everyone and hope that everyone here can find peace. But I hear it over and over about how these men use their 12 step groups as a shield for their behavior and as a way to keep their secrets. I got a private e-mail today that just made me furious! This woman was belittled by her husband for wanting to know about his 12 step meetings.
I just have such anger over the way a lot of the 12 step groups are run. These meetings are only as good as their members, and, unfortunately, many of the members simply use the meetings as a cover for their acting out. As long as they tell their wives and partners that they are ‘going to my meetings every week’ and ‘you need to let me work my program myself ‘ (hear–stay out of MY business) then the ‘little woman’ has nothing to complain about. Right? It’s just such an issue of condescension, deceit and control it makes me want to puke!
The original base for the 12 step program was started by a conservative, religious zealot named Bill Wilson who, among other things, had a severe drinking problem. Oddly enough, his 12 step program was not responsible for his sobriety–it was an early 20th century cure involving large doses of the drug Belladonna that made him turn his back on alcohol. This Belladonna Cure, also called the ‘puke and purge’ cure would be enough to make anyone stop drinking. Continue reading “JoAnn’s Fury! 12 Step Enabling Of Sex Addicts”
I hate that I’ve had to find this site but I’m so very happy that it exists. This is so very new to me that I still can’t believe it has happened. I keep hoping to wake up from this nightmare. I exposed the disgusting secret that my husband was trying to keep from me just a few weeks ago.
As with many others it was through his computer that I came across the emails, websites, chat rooms, and some of the most horrific pictures I never ever wanted to see. Not to mention the pictures of my very own loved one posing for his camera phone on a motel bed completely naked and fully erect. Not just one picture but three. Those pictures are now out there in cyberspace for all the world to see forever and ever. I’m beside myself in shock and anger, sadness and mourning. What I once had is now shot to hell, never to be seen again. And if we ever reconcile and I rebuild trust, then what will my life be like then? Continue reading “CB’s Story: Am I Strong Enough To Handle My Husband’s Sexual Addiction?”
Sometimes we really can’t see the forest for the trees. I have been reminiscing today (wait–that’s too nice of a word, I think ‘mentally slumming’ fits better) about the dark years when Larry was living in denial, acting like a jerk and I felt as if the entire weight of the universe was crushing my spirit. I remember those long months before I finally decided to leave. I remember trying to make sense out of the nonsense. I remember being unable to decide what to eat for dinner, let alone decide what to do with the rest of my life.
But, I also remember a pervasive, underlying phrase that kept coming back to me, clouding my choices.
I received the following e-mail from a visitor, and, since I have limited contacts with anyone who has a personal experience with in patient treatment or workshops for Sexual Addiction, I thought I would post her e-mail here in hopes that someone will have some input. Unfortunately there are no posts or comments that I found that could help her on this website.
About a year ago I heard a personal account from a Sex Addict who spent some time at a Patrick Carnes sponsored facility and the experience was not very good. He said that he was treated rudely and felt like a prisoner. He left after only two days. He and his wife went on to attend weekend workshops which helped them greatly. I also know of a female Sex Addict who was in an in patient treatment facility for six weeks, yet she continues to act out.
You will only get out of treatment what you put into it. I hope that whatever treatment this woman’s husband attends will offer him the tools to recover.
Message: Hi JoAnn,
I’m interested in hearing from others if anyone’s spouse attended workshops or in patient treatment at the Meadows or any center. A quick search of your site didn’t turn up anything on it but I’m not sure I have the format down well enough and may have missed it.
I have recently been contacted separately by the Oprah Winfrey Network and by Glamour Magazine asking me if I could recommend any of my visitors to them for interviews for articles and TV appearances.
The Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN), which will take over the Discovery Health Channel in January, wants couples who would be willing to go public (like on TV–with no anonymity, no blocked out faces and no distorted voices ) and share their stories of infidelity.
Glamour Magazine is planning an article on what it is like to be married to a Sex Addict. They require that the spouse be between the ages of 25 and 35 (that leaves me out) and would require photos of you (not your spouse).
Sharing your story benefits us all. You feel better sharing with others who have had similar experiences and we feel better knowing that we are not alone.
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My husband was 28 and a virgin when I met him. I did not know he was a virgin just thought he was sexually inexperienced. Then when we began having sex, he told me he wanted to wear women’s undergarments and watch me have sex with other men. I told him I did not like him talking about that stuff and to please stop. 
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