I have been married to a sex addict for 10 years. 3 years together prior to that. He has been a SA for pretty much all of his adult life. I am his second wife, he lost the first one because of his addiction.
My husband as far as I know has not had any affairs but can’t stay away from porn. TV, computer, blackberry, or visits those places where you go in the back and watch a video. (don’t really know how it works I’ve never been there). Every time he gets caught he begs for one more chance. He begins going to therapy and buys all the books he can find. I give him another chance, he stays in recovery mood for a few months and then I catch him again. This has gone on like this for ten long years. For the past two years he has been attending SAA meetings twice a week. We have an eight year old who loves her dad very much, he is a great dad and aside from the sex addiction he is a great husband. I have read many times that a sex addict will pull away from his wife and family. That has never been the case with him. He is always very attentive to our needs and our household. He is also very sexual with me, as a matter of fact I think he is above normal ( I know that has to do with his addiction). I have read that eventually a SA will stop having sex with his/her spouse, again that has never happen with him.
Sometime this past January I caught him again. I had enough. He might be a great person other than his addiction, but what his addiction has done to me I feel I will never be able to fix. I am always sad. I have no patience with my daughter and that makes me feel worst of all. None of this is her fault and I should not yell at her for every little thing. I want to be at home all the time. Have no desire to go out or be around people I know. I have lost all desire for sex. I actually feel a little disgusted with just the thought of it. I know this is not normal, but I don’t know what to do. We are now separated. I told him he had to leave and work on his recovery on his own. I could not be a part of his struggle any more. We agreed to not see anybody else in the hopes that he would get better. Last week I found porn on his work computer. We work together, we have a family business. I now have an appointment with a lawyer and he has decided to go to an inpatient intensive SA therapy facility.
I don’t want to get divorce, I still love my husband but I don’t know what else to do. I am also very scared, as I said before we work together, I would have to find work else where. (the work market is not the best right now). We would have to sell our house and that just breaks my heart, both for us and our daughter. The hardest part is dealing with him right now, all he does is beg for another chance. I also have our families who don’t want us to split up. I feel like I am the one letting everyone down when I have done nothing wrong.
I know that no one can tell me what to do but I am open to your comments. I don’t know anyone with this problem and I need the advise of someone who has been there.
I think if I don’t get divorce he will never get better. I know I am taking a big chance but I don’t see any other way out!
Thanks for listening to my story.
Stories are bridges from one mind to another. ~ Martha Holloway