I think about you daily. I quit smoking (for the 900th time) on June 1. For all the reasons over all the years I’ve quit smoking and started again, I never in my wildest dreams would have guessed my smoking could have hurt someone in the way it is hurting you. While it is unlikely our paths will ever cross, you will be on my mind when I am tempted to light up again.

Your story just blew me away and I am broken-hearted for you. You are no less deserving of sympathy than anyone else who lost the affection and companionship of their partner to an addiction. After all, he led you to believe he was clean when in reality he had closed the bedroom door on you (literally) leaving you on the outside while he shared the bedroom with his addiction. It appears he wants to make amends and move past this, but is he showing this by his actions? It takes a long time to recover from years of betrayal and he has to accept this. He is the one who is (or was) broken and he needs to be patient with you, he needs to help you heal. Is he doing that for you? If he truly wants you to move forward, he has to make you feel safe and secure and give you all the time you need.

You have stood by him so far. If you stay, he should show enough respect for you to let you heal properly.

Hugs to you, Beth.

Caroline

Jane and Lorraine, thank you for your good thoughts. I’ve been through hell and back but I found a group!!!!!!!!!! It was wonderful. I now have an SANON book. And I found out that I too can have a sponsor. I didn’t know that there were sponsors for the ones who suffer along with the addict. Jane, Your last post said that you hoped the meeting would be everything I needed it to be. It was more.

Yours in Fellowship and Recovery
Preacher

I am pleased that you are still here. Your reaction is perfectly understandable to all of us. We have all felt the rawness of the constant pain of new discovery and we know that the tiniest of triggers can cause unmentionable hurts. My intention is to never do any more harm than all of us have already suffered. Unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes. But, as mature, caring people, we usually do what we can to correct our errors and move on. This shows that those of us here on this site do not have those negative coping mechanisms that Sex Addicts fall back on when they are distressed.

I won’t say that our reactions are normal, as there is nothing normal about our situations, but I think everyone here should give themselves a pat on the back for being nurturing, kind and for expressing healthy methods of communication and problem solving.

Love to all,

JoAnn