Comments for Sex and Porn Addiction

Comment on My Husband Is Addicted To Porn Of Morbidly Obese Women by Sharron

Sharron — Fri, 18 May 2012 15:55:57 +0000

Hi L- Although you posted last year, I would like to comment with the hopes you may see it and update us on your situation.
Boy can I relate to your situation! You are the first woman I have seen on this site that is dealing with the same addiction as my h.
I met him 3 yrs. ago and didn’t have a clue as to what was going on. He presented as an “altogether” man who is good looking, charming, “Mr. nice guy’ and treated me like a queen-in the beginning, that is! Sex and intimacy were normal-until he was confident that he had me, and then both went away. He would even turn his back to me at night and always have an excuse as to why he didn’t want sex. “I’m just really tired” I didn’t think too much of it, because of his age. I won’t go into the entire story, because it is a long one, but his primary addiction was internet porn and mb with his favorite porn queen called Queen Raqui-she weighed #650#. There were others, of course, but she seemed to be the one he was most attracted to. Her thing was d/s including stomping and crushing.
After dating a few months, he finally came clean and agreed to seek help. I later found out that his second wife caught him at it and kept it to herself forever a year. She began having an affair, and it all came out in marriage counseling.
Long story short, everything was looking good. He appeared to be in recovery. We became engaged, and I had him take a lie detector test with very specific questions about his addiction. He beat the test and later admitted he had lied on it.
We got married in April of 2010. But to my dismay, his behavior continued. I found out he was surfing dating sites and still active in porn while we were engaged. He objectified the organist at our wedding. The sex and intimacy were almost nil, and he had anger management problems-often projecting and directing it at me. Also,a lot of passive-aggressive behavior.
I just left him in April of this year for the final time. The final blow was my husband admitting to an incident of fantasizing and mb (only 1 time, of course) to his porn queen last Xmas. I also caught him objectifying his own dtr. and sister. We had two previous separations. He continued to lie and deceive, and I would frequently witness him engaging in objectification. two years ago, He began seeing a Therapist, went to an Intensive in L.A. and appeared to be working on recovery. His secondary addiction was sexualizing/objectifying young women. They were usually large women with huge boobs. I listened to continual promises that he would never hurt me again, the lieing would stop, and yes, he was going to beat his addiction.
I wasted 3 yrs. of my life on this man with my head totally up my ass. We all want to believe we are hearing the truth, but quite honestly an addict is like a leopard-doesn’t change his spots. I hope, for your sake, you were able to get out of your relationship. These addictions usually stem from childhood trauma, and it is so engrained in them that it is nearly impossible to change.
If you read this, please update us. Your story is so similar to most of us on MTASA and S.O.s site.
Our hearts go out to you.
Sharron

Comment on Setting Boundaries by anne

anne — Fri, 18 May 2012 00:48:43 +0000

hello, I don’t know if you still have the same web site. I am 56 and feel like a true ding a ling– seem a bit old to be deciding about my marriage of 35 years– not like I haven’t wondered about it before. no affairs, just sporadic but constant porn and periods of stripper clubs. he has been in SA but still so much struggle. anyway, was wondering about the book you mentioned- Carl’s book . can you tell me what book that is.? I hope things are better for you . anne

Comment on I’m Still In The Shock Phase After Finding Out The Truth About My Husband-Allison’s Story by waqas shah

waqas shah — Thu, 17 May 2012 21:41:56 +0000

he needs you more. trust me.

Comment on Aly’s Story of Living With a Sex Addict by Jane

Jane — Thu, 17 May 2012 15:37:18 +0000

I started counseling yesterday because my husband wants a separation. While there, I told her what he said was my problem, and I told her what I thought was the problem: Husband has been addicted to porn since he’s been 14. He brought it into our marriage 23+ years ago. At first I had the normal reaction as probably most women, but I forgave. I would find magazines here and there, until we got the internet in the mid-90s. Ever since it’s been a struggle. Early 2000s was hard. I asked if he wanted a divorce, he said no. Seemed to get better some, but just constant struggles here and there. Every single time though, I forgave. Then he got a BlackBerry. With the data package, of course. And now it’s at the tip of his fingers. Rarely is anything on the computer anymore. Late 2000s, I discovered him texting various phone numbers, late into the night (if I was visiting my parents), or all the way home from work. I did text one of the numbers and told her to stop texting. It stopped. He was mad. He broke his phone. Decided to get a Pantech phone that looked like a BlackBerry but didn’t have data. But then the problem on the computer started again. So he got another BlackBerry, and it’s still continuing now. He is still texting women, and I have read some of what he has said. If I have been that sorry and such a loser, why didn’t he divorce me years ago? He knows I have checked phone records, so he got smart… changed all his passwords on Facebook and his email so I can’t check anything, and has basically quit texting anyone. He now says that the passion and desire for me is gone. He says he doesn’t love me like he used too. I am the mother of his 7 children!! I am not fat. But his excuse is because “I am this, or this way, or I do this, or do that.” And he refuses to admit he has a porn problem… which by the way, I did check his phone a few months back, and literally hundreds of naked women and porn videos stored. So. I told this to the counselor. And she said he is a sex addict. So I am looking up “sex addict” on the computer, and ran across this site, and yes, what people are saying on here is how he is. I am devastated. I haven’t worked for 23 years except raising our children and taking care of them, and him. I feel I am worthless, and a failure, even though our oldest son reassures me that I am not, and that I was the one who got to where he is today. He is a returned missionary (we are Mormon), and recently just married in the Temple. Our youngest child is 5. Hasn’t even started school yet. I am going to my parents for the whole summer, starting next week. Husband was going to get an apartment but since I am going to be gone, he’ll just stay here. So that is nice to know… that I really am *that* bad. Will this ever get better? Will I ever feel like a normal person again? As I was talking to the counselor, I just couldn’t believe that I had put up with all this for so many years… And yes, husband has now distant himself from the kids (and me, of course). Younger 6 kids don’t know yet, but will next week. At least I am telling the bare minimum to the older 3. It’s going to devastate them (husband doesn’t think it will). When he isn’t like this, he is a good father and husband. He really is. I can’t complain about that. I really am sad.

Comment on Sex Addiction Recovery by Megan

Megan — Wed, 16 May 2012 14:53:39 +0000

I am very interested to find this site…..I love the honesty of everyone around SA. This addiction leaves a very deep wound for the partner/spouse, and while I have the tools towards healing, I feel the wound will always be there. I have lived in denial and kept ‘his’ secret for years, and that has led me to become emotionally ill, but I am now more aware and have opened up to some professional people to support me.