Hi, I am 20 years old and in December of 2011 I found out my fiancé has a sex addiction.
Not only that but I found out two days later that he had relations with a friends girlfriend who I absolutely despise. His addiction mostly consisted of frequent masturbating and chatting with girls online, sending them pictures, asking for pictures, etc.
It only twice, to my knowledge, became physical with anyone while we were dating, once while we were already engaged.
When I first found out, I was so hurt, crying, a mess, but I tried to stay strong for him since he felt so guilty for hurting me. I told him I would stay and try to make things work and get help for him even after he begged me to leave because I didn’t deserve him.
I love him with all my heart and I can’t even think about living without him in my life because he makes me so happy even through his addiction. I am not the type of person who will just leave when someone is sick and hurting so much, especially when it is the person in my life that means the most to me.
Two months after I found out, things were looking pretty good until my friend called me up and said that the night before he was talking to her online and asked her to send him pictures. I was so upset, again… talked to him about it and let him off the hook again because I knew he had a bad night that night.
Things seemed good again, but this past week I accidently stumbled upon messages he was sending all these girls, giving them his number, telling them how beautiful and sexy they are, asking them to meet up with him, telling them how horny of a boy he was. I almost died.. again.
I thought he was doing better, I knew he wasn’t masturbating anymore and I was so proud of him for that so I didn’t bring the SA up anymore. Little did I know it was still going on. He apologized and said he was done with it again and that he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to hurt me again.
I know that he loves me, he tells me all the time, compliments me, hugs me, kisses me, and gives me so much attention. He rushes home from work and tries to get off early to be with me before we go to bed. He has really good values, is popular, always trying to please everyone and help them out. He was raised in an amazing family and has so many friends.
I read all your ladies stories about how you have been in marriages for so long not knowing a thing, but I am only 20 and know not everything but a lot of details about my fiancés addiction and the things he’s done. I know what caused his addiction and I think it is absolutely aweful and unfair but I believe there is a higher power, God, who can overcome sin and make everyone a better person if they just commit to him fully and ask for forgiveness.
I am overcome with hurt inside, my heart aches, some days I just can’t handle life because all I want to do is mourn for myself and the condition I am in. You realize at some point that all this time spend snooping or thinking about what is going on is wasted time, for the moment being I would like to enjoy my life with the man I love and pray and hope that he is in the 5% and will eventually with a lot of help and guidance be happy and healthy.
I know I have been lied to and hurt more times than I can imagine but through it all I believe that he truly loves me and is the other part of me, the half that makes me whole. I told myself I would try and try until I can’t anymore because there is no way in hell I am giving up on him unless he gives up on himself.
Thank you everyone who will read this, it means a lot to me! Us girls have to stick together. Any thoughts, advice, or support would be greatly appreciated.
Hurt and in love.