Comments on: I Am Not A Co-Sex Addict!

By: ShellyJoe

ShellyJoe — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 13:42:39 +0000

Getting out of that relationship was not easy, Basically broke it down to his next lie. No matter what it was in regard to.That of course didn’t take long. I noticed these guys lie like they breath air. It may have nothing to do with an encounter. I think the man I was with knew he would not be able to cover his addiction any longer from me and sought a more naive victim. THIS time when I broke up with him he didn’t pursue which was a huge blessing because walking away from these guys is not easy! The reason being is that they have that “good” side that even though insincere and dis genuine is like a drug that allows them to work their tentacles deep into every vunerable emotional groove we possess. I was saying how I found many correspondence from him towards young barely legal woman. That was my concern with giving heads up to new victim. Far from a control thing but knowing this man has no boundaries and sexualizes everything it sickens me to to think of him being involved with someone with teenage girls. I have decided at the end of the day NOT to get involved because i have my own family to worry about and my healing will be halted if I did decide to move forward with a warning. I also know these guys set woman up to already belief the x is a nutcase a proactive damage control so to speak. He convinced me of the sky being blue when it was storming on more then one occasion, i believed him because i was already too deep in and I wanted to. So I choose to let her figure it out on her own. hopefully she will. He is more “out” there now with his all around lifestyles choices so its not that much of mystery..Thank you for the support

By: JoAnn

JoAnn — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 14:39:53 +0000

Hi Shellyjoe,

Kudos to you for getting out when you did. Unfortunately active SA’s will continue their path of destruction as that is just part of life that we have no control over.

As for your question, I feel that it is NEVER appropriate to interfere in someone else’s life unless they specifically ask for your advice or help.

This type of interference is nothing more than a control tactic veiled as ‘help’ and can really help no one. Not you, not her, not anyone. And, especially with strangers, it could be considered harassment and could get you into legal trouble at worst. At best, you will be looked upon as the bad guy interfering where you have no right and that turmoil will only make your healing more difficult.

You have come a long way toward healing in a healthy way, please do not waste your energy on anything that your ex is doing. Do not follow what he is doing or toil over it. Move onward and forward. Help yourself and those you love and stay away from the effects of your ex’s behaviors.

By: Shellyjoe

Shellyjoe — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 18:05:31 +0000

NEED FEEDBACK HERE PLEASE,

I am just happy he is not my problem anymore and I never married him. For all his lies and excuses he fed me for his inconsistencies in the beginning, were believable. If no one has given you reason not to believe them then you believe them because non sociopaths and non addicts DO NOT live to con people. These men are pros they feed off your naivety. My problem now I am struggling with is this, My SA X has a new victim, from what I have learned she is a sweet woman with small children. I have debated with giving her the heads up like I wish someone had done for me. I hate to see another innocent woman victimized and the fact he had woman as young as 19 on one of his cheating sites, which i will go on a limb and guess they prostitutes of some sort. because what 19 year old is looking to cheat on her husband? Bothers me because she has girls… We know these men have no boundaries. I can’t save the world I know this but i need to some feedback here. Part of me feels obligated and another just wants to keep walking and never look back.. Any advice or experience with this??

By: Lorraine (now Lexie)

Lorraine (now Lexie) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 07:29:50 +0000

yeah… the shrinks love to label ALL of us as codies and some of us are and some of us aren’t. Some of us are, for a time, and then we finally WAKE UP AND REALIZE WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON. (or not going on)

A co-dependent woman comes back again, and again, and again… for more of the same abuse. She thinks that if only… she tries this and that… she rails, she screams, and drags him to this shrink and that therapy and on and on…

and then he “slips.” Why he “slips” so much, you would think his entire world was paved in ice.

that’s because it is.

Being enraged and traumatized is not co-dependent, its just being hurt very, very deeply.

and apparently, it takes quite a long time to recover from all of this, but if a woman has conceded that she cannot live with this abusive man, (yes, abusive) any longer, then where’s the co-addiction?

By: ShellyJo

ShellyJo — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 17:49:14 +0000

Co-dependent.. NO, I don’t even know why anyone would say that. There are few outward signs of sex addiction unlike the physical outward symptoms of drugs and alcohol. All we are guilty of is being HAD/PLAYED for long periods of time. I too spent months endlessly searching for answers to, “WTF JUST HAPPENED TO ME?” I didn’t understand, nothing ever added up or made sense . I couldn’t put my finger on it TILL I CAUGHT HIS LYING CHEATING ASS and then it was on. Here is what i have learned, These men that do this are for the most part SOCIOPATHS, they are masters at manipulating, they have no real feelings and no remorse the for the hurt and devastation they have caused to their spouses, children or family, It’s all about them and their addiction. Nothing more nothing less these predators know they need to portray normalcy to the outside world. They HAVE LEARNED they need act and be a certain way for society to accept them. SO here we are the victims of their calculating, mind bending games.. In my case when i caught my x red handed i threw him out. He then cried and begged to come home and sought help thru the church (which btw was another oscar worthy performance)of course there was no follow thru in the weeks that followed and the stupid little lies and inconsistencies started again. At the time I didn’t know he was a sex addict. I just thought he was being a selfish dumb man. But as I played the detective the world I uncovered was more then my mind could handle. Who was this man I shared and life and family with? The relationship is obviously over, but the damage and scars are very fresh. I can’t help but go back and put the puzzle pieces together in my mind of all the elaborate and finely detailed lies I was told over the last 2 years. I think all woman like us need to know we are not alone and not freaks for not being able to close that door until we understand what was done to us. For is wasn’t US it was the addiction…