When I discovered that my husband’s meeting was a “mixed” meeting, I asked him to change to a “mens only.” I later DISCOVERED (of course NEVER told) that the new meeting was also defined as “mixed” per an online source. Then he told me that the only woman who ever attended created a new “womens only” meeting. His current meeting continues to be listed online as a “mixed” meeting, and there is NO “Womens Only” meeting listed to date(that I’ve seen). Since he has been proven to be a compulsive liar in the last year, I believe that his statements to appease me are BS! Is anyone here aware of any “Women Only” SA meetings (not COSA)? I would imagine that the answer is NO.

I understand Diane, I have never attempted to check on the meeting in person or sit outside… Draining. At this moment, I can just visualize some of the women that spouses in the COSA meetings described in attendance at SA meetings, per their husbands that actually talked about their experiences… Awful mental image!! I’m at a point now where I don’t care whether he attends or not. I have limited energy and know I need to focus on myself. All that surrounds this sex addiction nightmare is annoying, devastating and life altering. PS Thank you again JoAnn for this affirming and insightful article.

If I may make a couple of recommendations – the first is checking out the “links” section at Center for Healthy Sex. It provides a list of groups in different areas, and you may find exactly what you’re looking for there.

I would also like to recommend the book Erotic Intelligence by Alexandra Katehakis. She is the founder of the above mentioned center, and the book highlights what steps must be taken to integrate sex after a person becomes “sober” from compulsive sexual behaviors. However, what is compelling me to recommend it to you is the insight it provides for the sex addict and their partner. It does this through the presentation of real couples and their peaks and valleys in dealing with sex addiction and reintroducing trust and intimacy into the relationship. I think you would find it quite helpful, and I really hope you get the chance to check it out.

Best of luck to you and your husband on this journey.

What a farce!

or my new fave acronym.

FUBAR.

Diane– I have really enjoyed your posts and admire you a lot. Financial independence is a good thing, no matter what. My husband and I don’t have enough money right now, to live together, much less apart and our younger son has autism, so its all very difficult. At least, we’re friends.

Curious what kind of a job you have that would be in jeopardy of losing it because of your husband’s problem and why you would have to divulge that very personal information. You certainly don’t have to share that, but I would think that if you were fired because of your husband’s sex addiction,(and the fact that you kept it private) that you would have just cause for a law suit. (unless there’s something I don’t realize)

I know that you must be very tired… I very much understand that fatigue from within. Life just shouldn’t have to be so difficult.

Yes, JoAnn, I never imagined that these groups were co-ed. What’s wrong with these people?
Isn’t this a no-brainer?

I may have the right to sit outside my husband’s meetings, but I don’t have the time. I can’t give any more of my life to his addiction. I have to work for a living so I have some shred of security in some aspect of my life. And I have to work two jobs because one could be jeopardized by the revealing of my husband’s addiction and my complicity in keeping it secret. The second job is my fallback for when the worst happens. And since I already know that the worst does happen, I have to prepare for it.

It really is beginning to look like rebuilding a marriage with a recovering sex addict is pretty much a full time job that requires financial independence.

I must be having a really bad day, because I’m not seeing the light at all. Anybody out there see it?

D.