Comments on: Lynn’s Story–Years Of Abuse With A Narcissistic Sex Addict http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/lynns-story-years-of-abuse-with-a-narcissistic-sex-addict/ Help for Partners of Sex and Porn Addicts Fri, 18 May 2012 15:55:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Lorraine (now Lexie) http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/lynns-story-years-of-abuse-with-a-narcissistic-sex-addict/#comment-9900 Lorraine (now Lexie) Thu, 08 Sep 2011 04:38:32 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=2855#comment-9900 Moving Forward, Its not the size of their penis--lol.(don't want to go there, but I know of one SA with a ginormous member which he just loved to show off, in person, on Craig's List--whatever) :( Its the size of their ego which is either hugely inflated or hugely deflated and the fact that they are sexualizing their pain instead of finding (far) healthier outlets of expression. That is, for the "healthier" sex addicts. However, some are so personality disordered, that its probably better not to try and make too much sense of their nonsense antics. About cyber-bullying through emails. That is harassment and it is against the law. If you can. (I am horrible at this), remain calm and tell him (in writing) that you will not tolerate being bullied and harassed and if he cannot write civil messages to you, you will have to get a restraining order. And then, if he persists, follow through. Save everything. Otherwise I'm with you, honey. I'm 55 and ya know what... as conceited as this sounds-- :D I'm still a beautiful, smexie woman. In fact, I am even MORE beautiful than when I met that fucktard 25 years ago. There's no quick fix here, for me, but we are taking steps to divorce. 52 is still young. Lots of men love women this age, cause we obviously don't want to make babies anymore. And besides, you just got rid of a really huge one! ;) my best, Lexie Moving Forward,

Its not the size of their penis–lol.(don’t want to go there, but I know of one SA with a ginormous member which he just loved to show off, in person, on Craig’s List–whatever) :( Its the size of their ego which is either hugely inflated or hugely deflated and the fact that they are sexualizing their pain instead of finding (far) healthier outlets of expression. That is, for the “healthier” sex addicts. However, some are so personality disordered, that its probably better not to try and make too much sense of their nonsense antics.

About cyber-bullying through emails. That is harassment and it is against the law. If you can. (I am horrible at this), remain calm and tell him (in writing) that you will not tolerate being bullied and harassed and if he cannot write civil messages to you, you will have to get a restraining order. And then, if he persists, follow through. Save everything.

Otherwise I’m with you, honey. I’m 55 and ya know what… as conceited as this sounds– :D I’m still a beautiful, smexie woman. In fact, I am even MORE beautiful than when I met that fucktard 25 years ago. There’s no quick fix here, for me, but we are taking steps to divorce. 52 is still young. Lots of men love women this age, cause we obviously don’t want to make babies anymore. And besides, you just got rid of a really huge one! ;)

my best,

Lexie

]]> By: Moving Forward http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/lynns-story-years-of-abuse-with-a-narcissistic-sex-addict/#comment-9899 Moving Forward Thu, 08 Sep 2011 03:53:14 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=2855#comment-9899 Reading all these stories has made me cry but also made me feel that I am not alone. It is scary to go against these narcissists sociopaths, you have to protect yourself and your children against their bullying, because that is what they are, bullies. Why do they need us, ones that they can live with for 20 plus years yet treat like we are nothing but dirt on the floor? Why do we stand for it? because we take for love the sexual attention that they give to us. What can we do to put out there that they are the ones that are crazy. I have started again with nothing at the age of 52 with the economy the way that it is, not being able to get anything that I have worked hard for. Is it the size of their penis that has them acting this way? mine also had a small penis. the way they were raised? trailer trash is what they are deep inside. We are what they really want to be but can't so they dominate us to feel worth while. It is all so exhausting. My kids are safe and I am far away and he still feels the need to bully thru emails Reading all these stories has made me cry but also made me feel that I am not alone. It is scary to go against these narcissists sociopaths, you have to protect yourself and your children against their bullying, because that is what they are, bullies. Why do they need us, ones that they can live with for 20 plus years yet treat like we are nothing but dirt on the floor? Why do we stand for it? because we take for love the sexual attention that they give to us. What can we do to put out there that they are the ones that are crazy. I have started again with nothing at the age of 52 with the economy the way that it is, not being able to get anything that I have worked hard for. Is it the size of their penis that has them acting this way? mine also had a small penis. the way they were raised? trailer trash is what they are deep inside.
We are what they really want to be but can’t so they dominate us to feel worth while. It is all so exhausting. My kids are safe and I am far away and he still feels the need to bully thru emails

]]> By: FreeBird21 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/lynns-story-years-of-abuse-with-a-narcissistic-sex-addict/#comment-9894 FreeBird21 Mon, 05 Sep 2011 13:46:26 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=2855#comment-9894 Finally filed after 22 years of marriage, after attending a Celebrate Recovery meeting, working through the workbook on my denial. Denial is the toughest, it requires us to form masks to hide our pain, medicate our pain. Instead of your focus on him, make your focus, YOU and your virtues, goals, ambitions, God. Truly finding God healed me, and He will heal you also. Even making yourself a higher priority may seem impossible because your self esteem has eroded. The denial also starts crumbling when you start living your passion. When I started a hobby business, a few years before I filed for divorce, my self esteem improved. I formed friendships with people that showed me kindness. I realized I was lovable, and deserving of kindness. Only then did his temper tantrums, duplicity with his identity, appear clearly unacceptable. When I started improving mySelf, independently, he didn't fit anymore. When we love ourselves, contrast between the sociopath's self hatred and our self love shatters our denial into thousands of pieces. Ground zero is ok, he was my training ground where I proved myself strong, and its better than the subterranean life I was living. Finally filed after 22 years of marriage, after attending a Celebrate Recovery meeting, working through the workbook on my denial. Denial is the toughest, it requires us to form masks to hide our pain, medicate our pain. Instead of your focus on him, make your focus, YOU and your virtues, goals, ambitions, God. Truly finding God healed me, and He will heal you also. Even making yourself a higher priority may seem impossible because your self esteem has eroded. The denial also starts crumbling when you start living your passion. When I started a hobby business, a few years before I filed for divorce, my self esteem improved. I formed friendships with people that showed me kindness. I realized I was lovable, and deserving of kindness. Only then did his temper tantrums, duplicity with his identity, appear clearly unacceptable. When I started improving mySelf, independently, he didn’t fit anymore. When we love ourselves, contrast between the sociopath’s self hatred and our self love shatters our denial into thousands of pieces. Ground zero is ok, he was my training ground where I proved myself strong, and its better than the subterranean life I was living.

]]> By: Bernadette http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/lynns-story-years-of-abuse-with-a-narcissistic-sex-addict/#comment-9893 Bernadette Sat, 03 Sep 2011 19:02:21 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=2855#comment-9893 I just read my story. Change strips clubs for cyber sex, chat rooms, web cams etc... I am just getting the hate and evil now. Yes I caught him and his lies. The voilence in his words is unbelievable. I am just literally a nothing to him and it is amazing one human being can be so very cruel to another, it is pure evil. I just read my story. Change strips clubs for cyber sex, chat rooms, web cams etc… I am just getting the hate and evil now. Yes I caught him and his lies. The voilence in his words is unbelievable. I am just literally a nothing to him and it is amazing one human being can be so very cruel to another, it is pure evil.

]]> By: carlys http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/lynns-story-years-of-abuse-with-a-narcissistic-sex-addict/#comment-8494 carlys Thu, 30 Dec 2010 23:01:33 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=2855#comment-8494 OMG. I read your post, but it's late so I haven't had the time to read the responses. Your post could have been written by me! The affairs, the extended family, the lies, THE KNIFE. I am leaving a short reply as I don't have time to reply fully as I have work in the morning, but I know how crazy-making such behavior makes you feel. I just wish I had found sites like these when my husband threatened me with a knife to orchestrate our separation to be with the OW after years of bullying, criticizingly, lies, crocodile tears when I finally saw through his behavior, my need to 'help him' through the messes he put himself in (just to help HIM / keep the family together as I believed for the greater good) etc. His mother once called me a 'whore' - it transpires he told her that I was having affairs which was absolutely NOT true, he told his sisters that he was the main carer for our child (when we went to visits, he would ask me is he could sort our child so they saw him as a great dad, so I let him change our child's nappy etc!). Our divorce was a nightmare, he left after 10 yrs leaving me with debts untold, and walked straight in to a relationship with his OW whom he'd been seeing for a year, which is something i discovered much later on... How he did this was unbelievable, as he was at home every night, so how he found the time. He threatened me with taking custody of our child, and it was then I started digging. He advertises himself on sex-dating sites, locally, and even single-parent sites still! His girlfriend hates me as he has spun so many lies. They do lead double lives, I want you to know that. You have already stated as such. It hurts, that you have been a human being and trusted this man. You have to accept you are not to blame, however many times you will go over a certain situation you remember, especially when you recall him saying that it was YOU. I have typed far too long. I just appreciate that you are going through hell, I couldn't just go to bed not letting you know that your situation is NOT unique. I found help reading articles about NPD. My now ex wasn't diagnosed, but if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and behaves like one... I wish I could put you in a time machine and project you 3 years from now, you WILL see you have come out of this so much better. After all, you have your son, and you don't have him in your life. I wish you the very best x OMG. I read your post, but it’s late so I haven’t had the time to read the responses. Your post could have been written by me! The affairs, the extended family, the lies, THE KNIFE. I am leaving a short reply as I don’t have time to reply fully as I have work in the morning, but I know how crazy-making such behavior makes you feel. I just wish I had found sites like these when my husband threatened me with a knife to orchestrate our separation to be with the OW after years of bullying, criticizingly, lies, crocodile tears when I finally saw through his behavior, my need to ‘help him’ through the messes he put himself in (just to help HIM / keep the family together as I believed for the greater good) etc. His mother once called me a ‘whore’ – it transpires he told her that I was having affairs which was absolutely NOT true, he told his sisters that he was the main carer for our child (when we went to visits, he would ask me is he could sort our child so they saw him as a great dad, so I let him change our child’s nappy etc!). Our divorce was a nightmare, he left after 10 yrs leaving me with debts untold, and walked straight in to a relationship with his OW whom he’d been seeing for a year, which is something i discovered much later on… How he did this was unbelievable, as he was at home every night, so how he found the time. He threatened me with taking custody of our child, and it was then I started digging. He advertises himself on sex-dating sites, locally, and even single-parent sites still! His girlfriend hates me as he has spun so many lies. They do lead double lives, I want you to know that. You have already stated as such. It hurts, that you have been a human being and trusted this man. You have to accept you are not to blame, however many times you will go over a certain situation you remember, especially when you recall him saying that it was YOU. I have typed far too long. I just appreciate that you are going through hell, I couldn’t just go to bed not letting you know that your situation is NOT unique. I found help reading articles about NPD. My now ex wasn’t diagnosed, but if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and behaves like one… I wish I could put you in a time machine and project you 3 years from now, you WILL see you have come out of this so much better. After all, you have your son, and you don’t have him in your life. I wish you the very best x

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