rantWith all the pseudo research that the Sex Addiction gurus have done; and all the hundreds of millions of dollars they are making off of Sex Addiction, a fake term for a fake diagnosis;  why can’t these so called experts put their heads together and figure out this Sex Addiction thing?

Why aren’t we, the partners, told what it’s really like to live with a Sex Addict instead of dangling all those outrageous success statistics in front of us while encouraging us to stay for ‘at least a year’ and give it our best?

Why aren’t we told about Personality Disorders and why aren’t we told about the Dry Drunk Syndrome so we can decide whether the positives outweigh the negatives and recognize when we are being deceived?

Why are we made to feel guilty for even thinking of leaving Mr. Wonderful after he has been so courageous as to admit to his addiction? Why do the 12 steps praise the SA who opens up for 60 seconds in a share with a tiny piece of their side of the story, allowing them to go home all pumped and feeling as if they were just the greatest show on earth because they are just oh so honest, but fail to give the SA any direction or tools for fixing the issue they just confessed?

Why are we, the partners, told, and most importantly, why do we accept, that there will be ‘slips’? Why are we told to be patient, to give it time—often at least a year, and counseled to praise their little ‘successes’ while we die a thousand deaths each and every day with no support or comfort?

Why are we told that we must contain our anger, our resentment and our emotions because it will cause the Sex Addict to feel shame and may cause (our fault of course) him to act out.

Why have I had to spend a whole fucking decade learning  to find the right words to describe what is happening in my life with a Sex Addict? Why did I spend tens of thousands of dollars for counseling and still not have any answers?

Why do I have to research obscure topics and follow thousands of blind leads just to catch a glimmer of real information on Sex Addiction? Why are ‘they’, the so called Sex Addiction experts, keeping all these secrets about these guys? Where is the truth? Where is the help? Where are the cold, hard, real facts about what makes these guys tick that will allow us to make a decent, educated, informed decision about our future? Why, instead, are we fed this Pablum of syrupy crap that keeps us entangled, stuck and hanging on?

My rant for the day. ~ JoAnn

“Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have.”