JoAnn…I wanted to say thank you for your page and let you know I have found the website very kind and informative.  I would like to share my story as, even if you don’t read it, I may find it somewhat cathartic writing it out. I am 32 years old, a registered nurse and have been married to my husband, who is 24,  for almost 2 years.  My father is an alcoholic and drug addict. I’d like to say he is recovering but I have accepted that my father’s lies/secrets are as much a part of him as his family and he may use drugs from day to day for all I know.

My parents are still married. My dad was once in AA and my mother in A-Alanon.  I grew up going to meetings with them and took part in Alateen for several years. I have tried to go back to meetings, but I do not feel comfortable–besides I live in a small town in WV and every meeting I go to within a 60 mile radius contains women/men who know my mother and father.

Anyway, I love my husband very much. We have a wonderful time together in life, when we are not fighting.  I knew about his problem, which I now know is truly an addiction, several months after we started dating.  He told me that it would stop as soon as we got married…and here it is, almost our two year anniversary and it’s still the thorn in my heart.

He is an avid sexter, telephone chat room visitor, and phone sex customer.  We no longer have a computer of our own because I smashed it on the concrete patio one fine evening, but before that he frequented chat rooms there as well.  I have good days and bad days.  On the good days I can love myself and realize that this addiction has nothing to do with me, the way I look, the amount of sexual acts between us, or an unhappiness with our marriage.  On my bad days it is just the opposite–I feel really badly about my overweight figure (although my husband has never told me has has any amount of dislike for my body. I am just sure he hates me, has no respect for me and he does these things because he is so unhappy and he just doesn’t care.

After Multiple attempts at quitting on his own, he has recently admitted that he has a problem in which he needs help.  He says that he wants to stop. He is currently in waiting for a therapy appointment at a local clinic and has a psychiatry appointment set up for this month.  In the mean time I am finding it VERY difficult to let things go–to let him do his thing, I should say.  I have a broken leg from a fall in my yard and I am laid up with a cast on my leg–not working for several more weeks.  I am very sick with this addiction myself.  I recently crouched to the hallway outside our bedroom then proceeded to crawl on the floor to his side of the bed to get to his phone.  He had been refusing to let me see it for days and it was literally driving me bonkers!  He woke up with me on the floor beside him looking through the photos of his penis he had sent out to who knows.  He took the phone back and asked me if I wanted my crutches so I could get out of there-haha.  Its like the need to find out what he is doing is MY o wn obsession.  I’m sorry for the long story, but I’m grasping for straws here.

Is is possible to live happily with an active addict?  Is it possible that the therapy may help him?  Can we have a healthy marriage in spite ofe his unhealthy addiction?

Thank you for letting me share this with you. You may share this on your site if you would like to.  I am thinking about subscribing to the forum if you think that may be a good idea for me.

R.