Comments on: Setting Boundaries http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/setting-boundaries/ Help for Partners of Sex and Porn Addicts Fri, 18 May 2012 15:55:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: anne http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/setting-boundaries/#comment-10409 anne Fri, 18 May 2012 00:48:43 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=940#comment-10409 hello, I don't know if you still have the same web site. I am 56 and feel like a true ding a ling-- seem a bit old to be deciding about my marriage of 35 years-- not like I haven't wondered about it before. no affairs, just sporadic but constant porn and periods of stripper clubs. he has been in SA but still so much struggle. anyway, was wondering about the book you mentioned- Carl's book . can you tell me what book that is.? I hope things are better for you . anne hello, I don’t know if you still have the same web site. I am 56 and feel like a true ding a ling– seem a bit old to be deciding about my marriage of 35 years– not like I haven’t wondered about it before. no affairs, just sporadic but constant porn and periods of stripper clubs. he has been in SA but still so much struggle. anyway, was wondering about the book you mentioned- Carl’s book . can you tell me what book that is.? I hope things are better for you . anne

]]> By: sinedie http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/setting-boundaries/#comment-10372 sinedie Tue, 08 May 2012 16:00:12 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=940#comment-10372 Hello Katie. I am in exactly same situation. I hope you are better now, but do you have any advice for me. I feel like I am going crazy. If you get this message, can you please answer?? I would appreciate that a lot! Hello Katie.
I am in exactly same situation. I hope you are better now, but do you have any advice for me. I feel like I am going crazy.
If you get this message, can you please answer??

I would appreciate that a lot!

]]> By: Marissa http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/setting-boundaries/#comment-9495 Marissa Tue, 10 May 2011 16:51:30 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=940#comment-9495 Hi, I'm new here and I can honestly say that after reading most of your posts and experiences that I am definately in the right place. I never really felt that my bf of over 5 years now has had a serious sex addiction problem and I've always just swept everything under the rug so to speak but now everything is starting to make sense. I can see myself in alot of your similar situations and I am just curious now seeing that some of these posts are over a couple of months, even years old, where most of you are in your relationships with your partners? I would love to continue to chat with such wonderful women who share this same experience with me. Hi, I’m new here and I can honestly say that after reading most of your posts and experiences that I am definately in the right place. I never really felt that my bf of over 5 years now has had a serious sex addiction problem and I’ve always just swept everything under the rug so to speak but now everything is starting to make sense. I can see myself in alot of your similar situations and I am just curious now seeing that some of these posts are over a couple of months, even years old, where most of you are in your relationships with your partners? I would love to continue to chat with such wonderful women who share this same experience with me.

]]> By: Julia http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/setting-boundaries/#comment-9452 Julia Wed, 20 Apr 2011 18:00:46 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=940#comment-9452 My husband epitomizes a classic "flight from intimacy" with his own special brand of sex addiction. Early on in our marriage he would secret a paper towel into his sweatpants pocket before getting into our bed. I was always last in bed but he would pretend to be "asleep" so as not to have sex with me, only to wake me up "secretly" masturbating himself nearly every night, hence the need for the paper towel. I was so devastated that I never called him on this horrible behavior for 30 years. I just pretended he was perfect and our marriage was perfect so I could be perfect, until last August when I found 3 years worth of porn viewing on our laptop. He would also use me as his "beard" when we went out, appearing like the "normal" married guy he would select a beautiful girl out of the crowd to stare at (in a erotic haze) as if he was desperately in love with her. I would go into a near death spiral, but still, I never confronted him, only to bury the memory in what I now call "the vault." In many ways both of us were afraid of intimacy, choosing to love a fantasy rather than a real person. Since I have only just figured all of this out, with the knowledge that he is a hopeless sex addict, my life is now without guidance or purpose for sadly, our "fake" marriage was the basis for so much of my exterior confidence. It is time for me to rebuild a new me, and in some ways, most of the heavy lifting has been done in the last 8 months since I confronted him about the porn, his masturbation addiction, our non-existent sex life, and the tragic staring of young women and girls. For those of you who have read Carl's book on sex addiction, he is at level 2, for he uses REAL women for his high... women who never consent to be stared at and lusted at to bolster his low self-esteem. I really feel so very, very sorry for him, but also for myself. Today he actually made an appointment to see a certified sex addiction therapist but honestly, I can't hope... I can ONLY work on my new self. I'm 59 years old but it's never too late come out with another model. Hopefully this time I'll get it right, set boundaries for my new life and if he is healthy enough to join me again in a brand new marriage, I'll be delighted, but as I have said before, I can't hope... I won't hope... except in me. My husband epitomizes a classic “flight from intimacy” with his own special brand of sex addiction. Early on in our marriage he would secret a paper towel into his sweatpants pocket before getting into our bed. I was always last in bed but he would pretend to be “asleep” so as not to have sex with me, only to wake me up “secretly” masturbating himself nearly every night, hence the need for the paper towel. I was so devastated that I never called him on this horrible behavior for 30 years. I just pretended he was perfect and our marriage was perfect so I could be perfect, until last August when I found 3 years worth of porn viewing on our laptop.
He would also use me as his “beard” when we went out, appearing like the “normal” married guy he would select a beautiful girl out of the crowd to stare at (in a erotic haze) as if he was desperately in love with her. I would go into a near death spiral, but still, I never confronted him, only to bury the memory in what I now call “the vault.” In many ways both of us were afraid of intimacy, choosing to love a fantasy rather than a real person. Since I have only just figured all of this out, with the knowledge that he is a hopeless sex addict, my life is now without guidance or purpose for sadly, our “fake” marriage was the basis for so much of my exterior confidence. It is time for me to rebuild a new me, and in some ways, most of the heavy lifting has been done in the last 8 months since I confronted him about the porn, his masturbation addiction, our non-existent sex life, and the tragic staring of young women and girls. For those of you who have read Carl’s book on sex addiction, he is at level 2, for he uses REAL women for his high… women who never consent to be stared at and lusted at to bolster his low self-esteem. I really feel so very, very sorry for him, but also for myself. Today he actually made an appointment to see a certified sex addiction therapist but honestly, I can’t hope… I can ONLY work on my new self. I’m 59 years old but it’s never too late come out with another model. Hopefully this time I’ll get it right, set boundaries for my new life and if he is healthy enough to join me again in a brand new marriage, I’ll be delighted, but as I have said before, I can’t hope… I won’t hope… except in me.

]]> By: Flora http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/setting-boundaries/#comment-7533 Flora Mon, 15 Nov 2010 17:03:30 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=940#comment-7533 Also get tested for STD's. You never know. As I find the addict will not tell you more than they think you know. So yes the version you hear is typiclly the watered down version to protect himself. He will lie lie lie to protect his way of life. Yes he does not want to lose you and loves you an your daughter the best he can, but the addiction will always come first, until he is truely in recovery and can see the nature of his wrongs. Also get tested for STD’s. You never know. As I find the addict will not tell you more than they think you know. So yes the version you hear is typiclly the watered down version to protect himself. He will lie lie lie to protect his way of life. Yes he does not want to lose you and loves you an your daughter the best he can, but the addiction will always come first, until he is truely in recovery and can see the nature of his wrongs.

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