Here is a story from a partner whose sex addict husband has secretly video taped her in the shower and while having sex without her knowledge for over 20 years. It is so difficult to read of such a violation of privacy. Here is her story. ~ JoAnn
I found your site after finding Tania’s very moving video. I was sobbing and simultaneously saying YES YES YES. Her story and comments gave me hope finally. Especially saying hope comes from HER.
I have been married for 26 years. My husband is 60 I am 53. We have two boys ages 19 and 24.
About 5 1/2 months ago my entire view/feelings of my husband and marriage changed in an instant. While looking for old videos of our children I found dvds and other video format cassettes containing, (I find this hard to put into words), over 20 YEARS of hidden video clips of me; in the shower, after the shower while naked, us making love, even, god help me, me using the bathroom.
I am ill and still in shock. He obviously has a serious problem. I have no idea what I DIDN’t find.
I tried to wait a day to get myself calmed down but couldn’t. When I confronted him with what I found, he (instead of falling to his knees in despair asking forgiveness) immediately got defensive, saying they were for his use only (who knows?) he did it because we didn’t have sex enough (OMG seriously; even if that were true it’s no excuse). Another reason he gave later (that dug him in to a deeper hole was that after the birth of our first son I wasn’t giving him enough attention. Classic .
Whatever; I am beyond hurt. No words really; my trust and everything are shattered. I am now seeing a csat therapist to just try and wrap my mind around this. It is ILLEGAL for god’s sake. What if our children (now 19 and 24) had ever found these??? The list goes on…
I tried the s-anon but they were definitely not for me. Too many God references or higher power reference and I’m not a believer in a higher power. Too many women who had been living in some insane circumstances for DECADES. I won’t do that
The next step which my husband hasn’t taken is for him to seek treatment but he hasn’t admitted he has a problem yet. He insists he is “not like those other guys”. The most I have gotten from him in almost 6 months is ” I’m very sorry. I made a mistake”
By the end of the summer, when my youngest son is hopefully settled somewhere again I will begin making further decisions about my life. (In the middle.of all of this my youngest who was away overseas at university had a breakdown and had to come home on a leave of absence. Also the only dog I’ve ever had died after a month of illness).
All.of these traumas in such a short spam brought on the worst case of eczema I’ve ever had.