Comments on: What Is It Like To Have Sex With A Sex Addict? http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/what-is-it-like-to-have-sex-with-a-sex-addict/ Help for Partners of Sex and Porn Addicts Mon, 06 Feb 2012 08:53:01 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Lorraine2 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/what-is-it-like-to-have-sex-with-a-sex-addict/#comment-7480 Lorraine2 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 00:16:55 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=1315#comment-7480 Diane Thanks for your reply, actually made me laugh the comment about ......while women suck and fuck". It has been a hard and long journey but also one of great self discovery. I have been in therapy and so was my husband, plus we saw a counsellor together for a while. My husband would like to go back unfortunately his therapist moved and he will have to find another one. I have not told any of my family or friends what has happened I just cannot bear the judgement that would be brought down on my husband. Also I want to protect my kids, this would scar them for life as they love and respect my husband so incredibly much. My husband says he feels that he has woken up out of a terrible nightmare and cannot believe what he has done, he said he even believed for a while that I would be ok with it, such self deception. We have discovered Buddhism and meditation, which we practice each morning, we also listen to a lot of dharma, we also discovered Ekhart Tolle. I don't know how I would have managed to get thru all this without these tools. I was tested for STDs because he did have unprotected sex at times, thankfully it came up clear. Many times I longed to meet a group of women that had been through a similar experience, I asked my counsellor if there were any such groups and she had not heard of one. I wished that I had discovered this website some time ago it would have helped ease my pain. Thanks for your kind wishes and I send them back to you. I have been through so much shit in my life but somehow I always find something to laugh and smile about so I am thankful for a happy heart. Diane

Thanks for your reply, actually made me laugh the comment about ……while women suck and fuck”.

It has been a hard and long journey but also one of great self discovery. I have been in therapy and so was my husband, plus we saw a counsellor together for a while. My husband would like to go back unfortunately his therapist moved and he will have to find another one. I have not told any of my family or friends what has happened I just cannot bear the judgement that would be brought down on my husband. Also I want to protect my kids, this would scar them for life as they love and respect my husband so incredibly much.

My husband says he feels that he has woken up out of a terrible nightmare and cannot believe what he has done, he said he even believed for a while that I would be ok with it, such self deception. We have discovered Buddhism and meditation, which we practice each morning, we also listen to a lot of dharma, we also discovered Ekhart Tolle. I don’t know how I would have managed to get thru all this without these tools.

I was tested for STDs because he did have unprotected sex at times, thankfully it came up clear.

Many times I longed to meet a group of women that had been through a similar experience, I asked my counsellor if there were any such groups and she had not heard of one. I wished that I had discovered this website some time ago it would have helped ease my pain.

Thanks for your kind wishes and I send them back to you.

I have been through so much shit in my life but somehow I always find something to laugh and smile about so I am thankful for a happy heart.

]]> By: Diane http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/what-is-it-like-to-have-sex-with-a-sex-addict/#comment-7479 Diane Thu, 11 Nov 2010 16:15:32 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=1315#comment-7479 Dear Lorraine2, "I felt like a train just hit me". Boy, do I know that feeling. I was married for 30 years. Listen Lorraine2, first let's celebrate that it didn't kill you. You are hurt badly and deeply. But you are alive and we are all about you cherishing your life. How that needs to be done is your discovery journey. We will take that journey with you, but it's yours to discover. Meanwhile, the learning curve on SA husband's is ugly, steep and merciless. After a while you may not want to know any more. The truths are awful and cut deep into the vault of marital intimacy. But you do need to educate yourself so that you know how to look after yourself--like getting tested for STD's if your SA has been "around". re: straddling---this seems to be a popular position because he can look at your body and fantasize about somebody else's. And it's less work for him. Yes---lazy still applies. There is porn for every preference, but a lot of it has the men very passive---the women are doing all the work all the time. The men stand there or lie there silent and pretty still, while women suck and fuck. It's quite a utilitarian approach. Occasionally he reaches out a cops a feel as an afterthought, or because he's losing his erection. so maybe you weren't making love. I guess that's the hard thing to consider. You don't mention whether your husband is in a program or working with a therapist. I hope he is. But you need one yourself. You need a caring listener who understands the "hit by a train" trauma. That will give you a safe place to express the things that are particularly painful for you, and explore the options that scare you most. thank you for posting and letting us in to your story. I send you lots of light and love for these hard days and nights. Diane. Dear Lorraine2,
“I felt like a train just hit me”. Boy, do I know that feeling. I was married for 30 years.

Listen Lorraine2, first let’s celebrate that it didn’t kill you. You are hurt badly and deeply. But you are alive and we are all about you cherishing your life. How that needs to be done is your discovery journey. We will take that journey with you, but it’s yours to discover.

Meanwhile, the learning curve on SA husband’s is ugly, steep and merciless. After a while you may not want to know any more. The truths are awful and cut deep into the vault of marital intimacy. But you do need to educate yourself so that you know how to look after yourself–like getting tested for STD’s if your SA has been “around”.

re: straddling—this seems to be a popular position because he can look at your body and fantasize about somebody else’s. And it’s less work for him. Yes—lazy still applies. There is porn for every preference, but a lot of it has the men very passive—the women are doing all the work all the time. The men stand there or lie there silent and pretty still, while women suck and fuck. It’s quite a utilitarian approach. Occasionally he reaches out a cops a feel as an afterthought, or because he’s losing his erection.

so maybe you weren’t making love. I guess that’s the hard thing to consider.

You don’t mention whether your husband is in a program or working with a therapist. I hope he is. But you need one yourself. You need a caring listener who understands the “hit by a train” trauma. That will give you a safe place to express the things that are particularly painful for you, and explore the options that scare you most.

thank you for posting and letting us in to your story. I send you lots of light and love for these hard days and nights.

Diane.

]]> By: Lorraine2 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/what-is-it-like-to-have-sex-with-a-sex-addict/#comment-7477 Lorraine2 Thu, 11 Nov 2010 04:34:20 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=1315#comment-7477 Where to start, an all too familar story, after finding some strange emails 18mths ago my husband confessed to having been unfaithful for the past 10 years of our marriage. Shock is just not the way to describe how I felt, I felt like a train had just hit me I felt a physical jolt when he was telling me. To cut a long painful story short, there are still so many things I struggle with and maybe you ladies out there who have been thru this can help me and maybe understand me. I struggle with who these women were, he has told only a small amount of what went on and feels that it is better that I don't know the details where the brothels were etc etc as this serves no good purpose. But if I am honest I am in a catch 22 it is painful to know and not knowing is painful, I feel like there is a gulf of past lies between us. Another question I have for you ladies is regarding sex, ever since he told me he likes me to straddle him on top every time we make love. I can't help but think that this is how the prositutes probably performed and shudder that this is why he likes it this way. I have so many more questions I could go on forever. He is a good man and is trying really hard to get back on track and regain my trust. We have been married for 24 years. Where to start, an all too familar story, after finding some strange emails 18mths ago my husband confessed to having been unfaithful for the past 10 years of our marriage. Shock is just not the way to describe how I felt, I felt like a train had just hit me I felt a physical jolt when he was telling me. To cut a long painful story short, there are still so many things I struggle with and maybe you ladies out there who have been thru this can help me and maybe understand me. I struggle with who these women were, he has told only a small amount of what went on and feels that it is better that I don’t know the details where the brothels were etc etc as this serves no good purpose. But if I am honest I am in a catch 22 it is painful to know and not knowing is painful, I feel like there is a gulf of past lies between us. Another question I have for you ladies is regarding sex, ever since he told me he likes me to straddle him on top every time we make love. I can’t help but think that this is how the prositutes probably performed and shudder that this is why he likes it this way. I have so many more questions I could go on forever. He is a good man and is trying really hard to get back on track and regain my trust. We have been married for 24 years.

]]> By: Lori http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/what-is-it-like-to-have-sex-with-a-sex-addict/#comment-7475 Lori Thu, 11 Nov 2010 02:55:35 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=1315#comment-7475 I have found this site so helpful. I found out almost 4 weeks ago my boyfriend of 9 years has been living a second life. He has had online relationships with old personal friends/online chatting/phone calls. He fits the bill as a SA. The pain, rage is like nothing I have experienced after I found out. Our sex life was tremedous the first 6 years. He is out of town for 2 weeks. Has agreed to some counselling when he returns. My question is. I have been very healthy sexually most of my adult life. I embrace it in a relationship. Will sex be different with a sex addict? Will we still be able to get to that higher place? The eurphoric feelings you get when you are making love to the person you love. I tried to locate info on the net on this subject. This is still all new to me. Iam learning lot about him and myself the last 4 weeks. Learning alot in this group. Thank you all. Lori I have found this site so helpful. I found out almost 4 weeks ago my boyfriend of 9 years has been living a second life. He has had online relationships with old personal friends/online chatting/phone calls. He fits the bill as a SA. The pain, rage is like nothing I have experienced after I found out. Our sex life was tremedous the first 6 years. He is out of town for 2 weeks. Has agreed to some counselling when he returns. My question is. I have been very healthy sexually most of my adult life. I embrace it in a relationship. Will sex be different with a sex addict? Will we still be able to get to that higher place? The eurphoric feelings you get when you are making love to the person you love. I tried to locate info on the net on this subject. This is still all new to me. Iam learning lot about him and myself the last 4 weeks.

Learning alot in this group. Thank you all.

Lori

]]> By: berkshiregal http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/what-is-it-like-to-have-sex-with-a-sex-addict/#comment-7424 berkshiregal Fri, 05 Nov 2010 02:04:03 +0000 http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/?p=1315#comment-7424 Calling the partner of a sex addict a co-addict is bullshit. Do we always have to take the blame for his behavior? Are there any real men out there? I'm tired of this convoluted, self centered, lying behavior. He's a liability to my family. I'd rather be alone the rest of my life that deal with his twisted life. Calling the partner of a sex addict a co-addict is bullshit. Do we always have to take the blame for his behavior? Are there any real men out there? I’m tired of this convoluted, self centered, lying behavior. He’s a liability to my family. I’d rather be alone the rest of my life that deal with his twisted life.

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