Everything You NEVER WANTED TO KNOW About Sex Addiction
Okay, you know all the definitions and, like myself, you may even wonder if Sex Addiction is a real disease or just a convenient cop out for bad behavior. But, semantics aside, the problem is very real, so let me put in my two cents and tell you what I think Sex Addiction is.
First, let me clarify that for lack of a better term, I will continue to use the term Sex Addict for the person who engages in behaviors that are addressed in this book.
My definition of Sex Addiction is that it is a set of compulsive sexual behaviors, outside of our social norms, that have serious negative effects on the person engaged in the behaviors, and everyone who is associated with that person, including family, friends, employers, employees, intimate partners, and just about anyone within their social circle.
Sex Addicts have eerily similar personality traits and childhood experiences that leave no doubt that the two are correlated. Almost every woman I have talked with describes conversations and behaviors that sound as if she were talking about my husband, not hers. Here are a few of the most common personality traits of Sex Addicts.
- Lead double lives
- Engage in compulsive lying
- Lack empathy
- Unable to form intimate bonds with partner
- Lack coping skills
- Feel overwhelming shame and guilt about themselves
- Use sex to medicate their emotional pain
- Trust no one
- Socially isolated
- Emotionally immature
- Lack self esteem
Why They Are The Way They Are
So, let’s look at each of these traits and try to understand why our Sex Addict spouses are the way they are. Notice I said ‘understand’, not forgive, not justify, not accept or rationalize, but understand. This understanding is for you–not them, and it will help you make sense of the crazies, restore your sense of reality and stabilize your emotions.
They Lead Double Lives
It only makes sense. Sex Addicts are engaging in behaviors that are secretive, shameful and ridden with guilt. So, out of necessity, they hide their secret life from their partners or spouses, employers, clients, friends and family.
Sex Addicts come in all sizes, shapes, colors, ages, professions, ethnic groups and religions. On the surface they appear as normal as soda pop and often are quite charismatic. But underneath that very normal persona is a troubled, complex personality whose actions are devastating to everyone close to them. And we, who become their casualties, are forced to deal with the insult and trauma.
Watch for more excerpts from ‘Married To A Sex Addict’.
Take care, be safe and remember:
Sorry is as Sorry does. ~ JoAnn