Can you believe that? After years of separation, counseling, 12 step meetings, soul searching and an ungodly amount of time spent in discussions over his addiction, my husband had the nerve to claim that he had never cheated on me.
Okay, let’s see, hundreds of hookers, three to five times a week, sometimes twice a day, days before and days after our wedding–but he was never unfaithful! Who’s the crazy one here?
This was our dilemma. His argument was that if he really was ‘unfaithful’ then he was nothing more than a cheating asshole. Duh! Somehow the label (or should we say excuse?) of Sex Addiction cleansed his actions from cheating to ‘something else’. He never could define what this something else was, but he fiercely held on to it.
I don’t think he is unique. I think both the label of Sex Addict, and the philosophy of the Sex Addiction 12 step groups allows bad behavior to be excused as an illness, or as an uncontrollable action rather than bad choices and bad behaviors, which come with their subsequent consequences.
The premise that an addict must give up control to a higher power rather than empowering themselves and taking control over their lives, choices and future smacks of enabling behavior and codependency to me.
In order to get what you want, you have to be willing to walk away from what you don’t want. ~ JoAnn