Whether it’s prostitutes, porn or a mistress or two on the side, sex costs money. When a spouse discovers that their husband or wife has a problem with Sex Addiction they usually discover that their financial situation is also in trouble.
Upon the discovery of Sex Addiction one of the first things a spouse should do is take a long hard look at the finances. Do you know the balances on ALL of the bank accounts and credit cards? Have you looked at the statements on all of your 401K’s, retirement and pension plans, vacation funds and college savings? Has cash been filtered out of the household? Do bank deposits match pay stubs?
Sex Addicts cannot be trusted with money. They have a compulsion that they must learn to control, but, until that time it is right and necessary for you to take over all the finances and take charge of your financial future.
One of the most common reasons that spouses will not leave a Sexually Addicted relationship is because of money.
We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs. ~ Gloria Steinem
You know JoAnn this is so important. I am firmly of the belief that no marriage should be with out total transparency of finances. I don’t care who works, who makes the money, you should both be equally in the loop.
I was fortunate that my husbands addiction never cost us anything. Every thing he did he got for free. None the less, but husband is a reckless spender. He will over draw our bank account for a 99 cent pop at the gas station. Even though it isn’t porn, his choices are often selfish and w/o regard. It is a perfectly healthy boundary to restrict an addicts ability to spend money until they can prove themselves trust worthy. Even if you are the stay at home spouse, you still have the right.