Is Your Wife A Sex Addict?
Are you a man whose wife is a Sex Addict? You are not alone. Recently I have received so many e-mails from men who have discovered that their wives or partners are Sex Addicts
Memories From JoAnn
Sometimes letters from my readers really touch my soul. I get many private e-mails through the 'Contact' page, which I always answer.Sometimes one will really take me back. Here is my answer to one of those that talked about finding out those devastating facts while monitoring her husband's computer.
Setting Boundaries
An important part of staying in a relationship with a Sex Addict is setting boundaries. These boundaries let the Sex Addict know that they can no longer abuse you and that you value yourself and have the self confidence to stand up for what you know is right for you. These boundaries also act as the ‘line in the sand’ that makes very clear what actions you will not accept from your spouse or partner. (more…)
Tiger Woods-Sex Addict or Just A Jerk?
Unless you live in a cave you have heard the stories and speculation about Tiger Woods’ extramarital dalliances. Whenever a rich and powerful man is caught with his pants down it makes me wonder. Are these men really Sex Addicts (as many claim) or are they just self-centered idiots who take advantage of their power and position?
Thanks to Dr. Carnes and others who have studied Sexual Addiction we have a better understanding of this disease. But, not everyone who has multiple affairs, visits prostitutes and massage parlors or sneaks out of the closet every now and then is a Sex Addict. Some of them are just jerks. (more…)
Laughable Lies
Sometimes it helps to take a look at the comical side of tragedy. Now I know that Sex Addiction is no laughing matter, but often the excuses are. And, not only are the stories uncreative, implausible and transparent it is also comical that they somehow think their tall tales will convince us of their innocence. Sometimes I think they all went to the same school of absurdity as almost all Sex Addicts come up with the same lines. Here are a few of my favorites:
I swear, it was the very first time I ever did that.
It was only once.
It was only twice.
I never intended to meet her, I was just playing mind games with her.
I never intended to do anything, I just wanted to meet her. (more…)
Sex Addicts Live In A World Of Extremes
Sex Addicts live in a rigid, limited world. It’s an absolute black and white existence without any nuances of gray. Their world is either right or wrong, good or bad, all or nothing, always or never. Life is either 100% one way or the other; 50-50 just does not compute. They do not reason, compromise or work things out. Everything is placed in it’s left or right, black or white category never to be pondered again.
This ‘black and white’ thinking is a form of Cognitive Rigidity, a Borderline Personality Disorder that is common to all types of addicts and survivors of abuse. It is a primitive pattern seen in early childhood, which ties in with the emotional immaturity of Sex Addicts.
This type of thinking makes it difficult to communicate with a Sex Addict. (more…)
“I Wasn’t Unfaithful” comments
Here are some interesting comments from some of my friends about my last post–thank you everyone for sharing:
Yes, when a sex addict acts out, it is cheating. The only difference between the cheating a non-addict might engage in and the cheating a sex addict engages in is the relationship the cheater has with the cheating. For a non-addict, the cheating may be a symptom of a particularly tough time in his life, marriage problems, etc.–it’s a way to cope with a specific, isolated situation in his /her life. For a sex addict, on the other hand, sex is what he/she uses to cope repeatedly with almost every uncomfortable emotion or situation over a long period of time, often a lifetime.
In that sense, some people might argue that the cheating a non-addict does is worse than the cheating an addict does because it’s nothing personal against his/her spouse–it’s just the way the addict deals with everything and he would cheat (more…)
‘I Wasn’t Unfaithful’
Can you believe that? After years of separation, counseling, 12 step meetings, soul searching and an ungodly amount of time spent in discussions over his addiction, my husband had the…