Share Your Story
Sharing our stories is good therapy. Women do this well; we laugh, we cry, we talk, pace, gesture and pull our hair out. We throw things, eat, purge, binge, scream…
Nurturing A Sex Addict Has Negative Results
Nurturing can also occur when a partner readily accepts and believes their partners flimsy explanations, denials and promises by ignoring their own concerns or blaming themselves for the relationship problems.
Part Two Of An Interview with Barbara Steffens, Author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse
Listen as JoAnn Russell interviews Barbara Steffens, author of 'Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, How Partners Can Cope And Heal' in Part 2 of this four part series of interviews. In Part 2 Barbara discusses the 'life quake' of discovery of the Sexual Addiction, disclosures, honesty, trust and boundaries.
An Interview with Barbara Steffens, Author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse
Barbara Steffens, author of 'Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, How Partners Can Cope And Heal' shares her years of experience as a professional counselor specializing in the field of helping partners of Sex Addicts heal from their trauma.
Standing By You
So many of you are experiencing such crisis in your lives. I can only hope that each and every one of you know that my wish is not only to give you hope and comfort through this web site, but also to raise the collective energy to help you through these tough times.
Discovery
Our path to recovery starts with discovery. The ways that each of us find out about our spouse’s Sexual Addiction are as varied as the types of addiction. Some of us are jolted into painful reality with a phone call from the local jail, the other woman or man, or just by having to face the overwhelming evidence that we have been trying to ignore. Rarely, our spouse may have become so distressed with their way of life that they will shock us with a confession.
But, however it happens, the initial discovery is only the beginning. It took over four years for my husband to reveal the full spectrum of his addictive activities. This partial disclosure is quite common among Sex Addicts. Often those who are confronted will vehemently deny any wrongdoing and only fess up to what absolutely cannot be denied. This kind of behavior can make you crazy. Not only is the frustration enough to make you want to scream, but over time a more insidious pattern emerges where we begin to doubt ourselves. (more…)
Confronting The Sex Addict
Whether you have just discovered your spouse or partner's clandestine sexual behaviors, or you are painfully discovering new or repeated evidence, you will need to make a decision about how to confront them.
Do You Or Don’t You?
Are you still having sex with your spouse or partner even though you know that they are a Sex Addict? Do you practice safe sex by using condoms?
This usually happens early in the process of discovery and disclosure. I guess it’s just human nature–and our primal need to feel close to someone we love again along with a bit of denial about facing our fears about the unknown future. (more…)
Book Update And Other Things
If you read the quote below you will understand when I say that writing my book, Married To A Sex Addict, has taken over my life. It has not quite…
Sex Addicts Are Like Lonesome George
When my husband and I visited the Galapagos Islands last year we visited the Charles Darwin Research Station on Santa Cruz island. This Research Station is the home to ‘Lonesome George’, the last living tortoise of his species. When he dies the species will be extinct.
Thinking back on that trip today I realized that when I met my husband he was like Lonesome George. He had no friends, no social life, no intimacy. (more…)
How Did You Find Out?
The book is coming along nicely and yesterday I was working on a section about Discovery–how and when we find out that our spouse or partner is a Sex Addict.
I can remember the day I found out as if it were yesterday. It was a Thursday and I was off work. While sorting through the stack of mail from the previous few days I noticed that a bank statement that I had seen come in was missing. (more…)
Sometimes I Feel Invisible
Sometimes I think when we are dealing with our spouses or partners Sex Addiction we forget that the addiction is not necessarily the only problem in the relationship. Sex Addicts have a myriad of emotional issues that can make the relationship rocky aside from the addiction.
My husband and I had a ‘discussion’ this morning over an incident that happened last night. It had nothing to do with his addiction, it was simply one of those ordinary misunderstandings that should have been over and done with in about two minutes. (more…)