The light bulb went off when I finally realized that just because I loved him didn't mean that I had to stay with him. I could keep my love. Keep the good things. Keep the memories that I chose to keep even if they were now tainted with deceit. I could make those choices. That love was my precious emotion, mine to do with as I pleased. Loving someone does not mean you have to stay.
Today I was looking through my journals (all electronic files on the computer), e-mails and chats that were written before and during my marriage to my Sex Addict husband.
Time does give us a different perspective on things. Even last year I would get depressed whenever I read those files. All the pain and anger would come rushing back as if it were happening right then.
Now, with almost three years of complete sobriety under our belts I am able to read those words with a remote objectivity. I see so many things that I did wrong, and so many that I did right.
This letter made me laugh. I guess I was just as ballsy back then as I am now. I hope it makes you smile. It’s word for word, unedited, written in August of 2007–almost three years after I first found out about his addiction and while we were still living apart in two different states. At this time we were considering moving back in together, but I still had my doubts. (more…)