My story started in January, when I accidentally found out my husband of 24 years was having an affair. I started digging and found out he had been having sex, some of it pretty kinky, with as many as 20 women for the past 5 years.
Is it appropriate to integrate sexes in 12 step sexual addiction recovery groups?
It is official, Tiger Woods has entered rehab for his so called Sex Addiction. Does this sound like someone who is humbled by recognition of his disease and is ready to give his all to recovery?
As we know, there is no ‘magic pill’ for Sex Addiction, but there may be some hope for the large percentage of addicts who suffer from depression.
I remember my life before my husband started taking antidepressants. It was pure HELL! Not only was he acting out (which I didn’t know) but he was the classic Mr. Doom and Gloom. Nothing was ever right. If it was raining it was ‘crappy outside’. If the sun was out it was ‘too damn hot’, if it was Tuesday…well, you get the picture. He was just miserable to live with and he made everyone around him miserable too.
He refused to discuss depression with his doctor claiming that he was not depressed, he was just feeling down about his life circumstances–an ex wife from hell, an estranged relationship with his daughters, superiors at work who didn’t like him–oh he always had an excuse. (more…)
Are you still having sex with your spouse or partner even though you know that they are a Sex Addict? Do you practice safe sex by using condoms?
This usually happens early in the process of discovery and disclosure. I guess it’s just human nature–and our primal need to feel close to someone we love again along with a bit of denial about facing our fears about the unknown future. (more…)
A journal is a record of our experiences, an account or memoir of our journey through a certain time in our life.
During the four years of the discovery and recovery of my husband’s Sex Addiction I wrote hundreds of pages of my thoughts, feelings, anger, frustration, hope and resentment. It was a powerful method of venting thoughts and feelings that I was just not ready to share with anyone else. (more…)
An important part of staying in a relationship with a Sex Addict is setting boundaries. These boundaries let the Sex Addict know that they can no longer abuse you and that you value yourself and have the self confidence to stand up for what you know is right for you. These boundaries also act as the ‘line in the sand’ that makes very clear what actions you will not accept from your spouse or partner. (more…)
What do you need right now from your Sex Addict partner or spouse? For me, the most important piece in our recovery was honest communication. Until my husband got rid…
It’s difficult to understand how someone can become addicted to an activity or behavior such as shopping, eating, gambling or sex. We can understand chemical addictions because it is so straight forward–put the chemical into your body and get a measurable physical reaction. There are levels of the chemical in the bloodstream, visible signs of impairment and serious reactions if the drug is withdrawn. But, in the case of non-chemical addictions the signs are subtle or non existent. Addictions to behavioral processes are called “process addictions.” The process of engaging in these behaviors leads to typical addiction symptoms (withdrawal, tolerance, heightened excitement or euphoria). (more…)
Ahhhhhh…ANGER! If you are not familiar with it you better get used to living with your new best friend. Anger is the second stage of grief and for most of us who are confronted with our spouse’s Sex Addiction it is the emotion that stays with us the longest.
Now, some people, such as counselors, co-12 step groups and the like will advise that we should avoid outbursts of anger and that we need to act in a ‘mature’ manner; that anger will have a negative effect on communication or that our expression of anger will cause the addict to withdraw and feel more shame.
Well, sorry, I beg to differ here (and that’s putting it mildly). Unless and until you get all your anger out, (more…)
My husband and I just returned from a Caribbean cruise. I knew the environment would have challenges for him, but I was pleasantly surprised as he really did well. The…
When you find out that your spouse or partner is a Sex Addict a piece of you dies. You lose your sense of reality and equilibrium, your self esteem, your lifestyle, your hope and your trust. It’s as if everything you believed in and everything that existed has suddenly been shattered. The world you thought was real disappears, leaving behind a dark and ugly landscape strewn with lies and deception. The person you love is suddenly a stranger and you no longer feel safe in your own home. (more…)