Unlike many women who visit your site I knew about my husbands sex addiction when I married him. He is not only a sex addict but a convicted felon and registered sex offender who spent 10 years in the penal system
We had been married less than one year before all of my hopes for the future were ripped away from me. Less than 10 months after I was married, I caught the love of my life with someone else. I did not know then, as I know now, that his affair was simply a symptom of the broader, secret addiction haunting his life.
Sometimes letters from my readers really touch my soul. I get many private e-mails through the 'Contact' page, which I always answer.Sometimes one will really take me back. Here is my answer to one of those that talked about finding out those devastating facts while monitoring her husband's computer.
Wife battles with her husband's Sexual Addiction and Sexual fetish toward women smoking cigarettes.
Yes, I have heard, and sadly have previously agreed, that prostitution always has and always will be around, so why not just legalize it? But there was always that nagging hurt inside of me for the women. Something just wasn't right about legalizing an industry that exploits women. An industry that caters to the base instincts of men who think that money can buy another human being and allow them to use and abuse that human being in any way they choose. An industry where men, and only men--the johns and the pimps, benefit at the expense of the objectified and abused women.
Can Sex Addict husband ever change? Mine did.
I have always said that the Sex Addict is an abuser. This emotional abuse produces the same effect on spouses and partners of Sex Addicts that I saw over and over in victims of domestic violence.
I have found so much comfort in sharing my story with others as well as listening to and reading about the experiences of others who are dealing with loving and living with a Sex Addict. Please share your story here.
Our path to recovery starts with discovery. The ways that each of us find out about our spouse’s Sexual Addiction are as varied as the types of addiction. Some of us are jolted into painful reality with a phone call from the local jail, the other woman or man, or just by having to face the overwhelming evidence that we have been trying to ignore. Rarely, our spouse may have become so distressed with their way of life that they will shock us with a confession.
But, however it happens, the initial discovery is only the beginning. It took over four years for my husband to reveal the full spectrum of his addictive activities. This partial disclosure is quite common among Sex Addicts. Often those who are confronted will vehemently deny any wrongdoing and only fess up to what absolutely cannot be denied. This kind of behavior can make you crazy. Not only is the frustration enough to make you want to scream, but over time a more insidious pattern emerges where we begin to doubt ourselves. (more…)
Sometimes it helps to take a look at the comical side of tragedy. Now I know that Sex Addiction is no laughing matter, but often the excuses are. And, not only are the stories uncreative, implausible and transparent it is also comical that they somehow think their tall tales will convince us of their innocence. Sometimes I think they all went to the same school of absurdity as almost all Sex Addicts come up with the same lines. Here are a few of my favorites:
I swear, it was the very first time I ever did that.
It was only once.
It was only twice.
I never intended to meet her, I was just playing mind games with her.
I never intended to do anything, I just wanted to meet her. (more…)
Is there really such a thing as Sexual Addiction? Is Sex Addiction an uncontrollable, inbred, genetic disorder that cannot be reversed or cured? Is Sex Addiction a psychological disorder brought about by childhood trauma or abuse? Or, are Sex Addicts simply self-centered, immature and immoral jerks; individuals who lack impulse control and who seek pleasurable experiences without considering the consequences?
Ask ten counselors or psychiatrists and you will probably get at least that many answers. The major 12 step groups for Sex Addicts have varying but similar views (more…)
Wow! You can’t get more mainstream than the Wall Street Journal! In my research I ran across this article and was impressed by it’s no-nonsense approach and helpful links.
Oprah, Good Morning America, Dr. Phil and many others in the media have done much to educate the public about the problem of Sex Addiction and as the public becomes more aware of the seriousness of this issue the stigma and sensationalism of the topic will hopefully decline. I am optimistic that this education of the masses will have a positive ripple effect on all Sex Addicts.
Sexual Addiction is based on shame. The addict, for whatever reason, (more…)