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7 Responses

  1. I have come to the conclusion that sex addiction is a cover up word for most. If you are sick you go to a Dr. and take care of it. My husband does not want to help us or himself, therefore he is what he calls a whoremonger. He wants to cheat and lie to me. He prefers to have sex with crack whores and prostitutes. He wouldn’t know how to have a normal sex life with a normal woman like me. As long as he can have cheap dirty sex and lie and cheat on me, he thinks we are happy. We have had sex maybe 15 times in our 17 year of marriage. He blamed it on ED. I found out different on Nov. 17, 2011.
    I found out that he has exposed me to STD’s, Hepatitus B in 2004 (this is on his medical records as positive tests) and possible HIV. Although, he does get regular tests for these, it is the disgust that he has exposed me to them.
    He just came back from overseas and again broke our vows. I know this for a fact because I know when he is lying. His lips move! I know many things about his travels to Amsterdam and Dubai. He thinks I am stupid. I will be showing him who is stupid.

    1. Ill say a prayer for you that your test are negative. What a horrible awful feeling.. 🙁 I just recently had to get tested as well. I know how your feeling right now. When I did get the results back I was ecstatic!! They were negative. Then later that same day I started getting very angry….
      See if this makes sense! I’m excited to find out that my very own husband didn’t give me a STD!!?? How sick is that? The anger and hate is still burning strong. Say a prayer and hopefully it will be okay. Stand tall.. you’re not alone in this mess. I will keep you in my prayers.

  2. My heart goes out to all of you who have had to experience this sick and twisted relationship. To this day I’m still blown away by the cruelty the SA can inflict on anyone and only think of how it has affected “their” own life. We just happened to get in the way! Always about their needs. I’m shocked to hear how all of our experiences sound so much the same with slight variations. I was married to a SA Narcissist for 6 yrs. We lived an amazing happy life together. We never fought or had even a heated disagreement. Blinded by love.. there were a few warning signs that something wasn’t quit as it seemed. Living in the fairy tale held such allure, yet proof just kept showing up. The more I found… the worse it became. I was obsessed with learning the truth. He never admitted to any wrong doings, nor will he. The lies, deceit, the blame, guilt, then MORE mental abuse…
    (As if any of us women needed more or can handle it) Why stop there.. How about adding physical violence? If that’s not you’re style SA… then go for the kids!! Nothing says true love more than trying to take away the babies!! Most likely the SA doesn’t spend much time with caz they are a distraction! But it will hurt 😉 That will push her over the edge. They just keep kicking when were at the lowest point??!! The SA have no empathy??!! Then I say we should have none for them!! SA will do whatever it takes to get the focus off of them. If they can cause enough doubt they can turn the table right back around. So last the SA will try to prove their innocence by making sure that.. “She is the crazy one!!” It damn sure isn’t for lack of effort on their part to drive us insignificant lovers mad.
    My SA tried to convince everyone I was crazy! He had perfected the lies and manipulated others to believe him. He even convinced my own family I was to blame and needed Psychiatric help. The sad part was that I did need help. After everything that happened. It’s bad enough to find out the shocking series of events unfolding in our own laps combined with such a wide range of emotions capable of popping up and changing in a moments notice. The lies he spread were poisonous and infectious, the perfect liar. Soo cool and calm under pressure years of practice made it easy to lie.. After all of this!! They want us to stay with them??!! I couldn’t get out fast enough!! Is it just me but I swear when we do leave all of a sudden the SA wants to make it work!! The nerve of these men!! When they do come to realize the fact were leaving and for good.. They strike out even harder.. to finish destroying what might be left of us!! It seems they feel the need to hurt us further punish for our choices. Stay strong!! Don’t let the SA talk you in more time than already invested!! They won’t change!! The SA will simply find another way to cover their tracts better. Just give him another chance.. He knows he can do better so you won’t find out next time!! He sees where he made the mistakes, he’ll be more careful next round!! Just when you think it couldn’t get much worse.. Trust me it will. I took the SA back after 4 years of being separated.. I believed he had changed.. 4 full years of counseling he had gone through. As it turned out he was still doing the exact samethings as before.. Except this time he decided to participate in homosexual tendencies/activities.
    I’m broken yet again.. Left asking myself… How could I let this happen AGAIN?? I know the answer to the question.. I thought he had changed. I thought it was what was best for the kids. I had all the right intentions but the SA didn’t… he hadn’t changed. He only became better at the sick life he lives. I have one question that I can NOT figure out.. Does the SA actually believe their own lies? We have seen first hand how mentally ill they can be. When they are confronted with proof…they still lie. Can they really be that sick to believe in what they say? Caz to me that’s the most frightening part. I’m worried that the SA truly believes he has done nothing wrong?
    I know I can’t tell you what to do… Only you can make the choices. I wish all of you only luck and listen to your gut feeling.
    Life is to short to spend looking and living in fear.
    The first time shame on you.. The second time shame on me.. There will be no third time.

  3. Gena,

    BINGO! “He knows he can do better so you won’t find out next time.”

    and yes, scary as it is, and as difficult as it is to comprehend, I do believe that they believe their own lies. Its like living in a not-so-fun house of mirrors. Their reality is so unbelievably distorted and that right there, is the reason that this is next to impossible to treat, successfully. They CANNOT change.

  4. Thank you for your prayers and kind words. I am still waiting on the test results from the Dr. but I remain positive because he had recent test results that were negative.
    Some may think I am crazy to want to wait a few more months so that he will have to pay me alimony for life, but after what he has taken from me I just want to get my half for the lies, deceit and pain that he has put me through. I will lose my military for life insurance because now I will fall short of the 20year marriage, but I can not take another 3 years of this lifestyle. Every time he goes out in one of our cars, I have to worry that he went to the lower areas to have car sex with one of his fav dirty whores Or if I leave my home that he will bring one in. I for sure know that he spends at least $500 per night on prostitutes when he is overseas. I found all of his blogs on and where he is the king of all whoremongers. He talks about how sexy and hot they are (including the street crack whores). He brags to his best buddies that he is the “schneizal”. When I confronted him, he got upset and defended the prostitutes. All the things I have read about him, the money he has spent and even putting us in financial ruin 4 years ago just proves to me that he does this for for his own personal satisfaction.
    I do not believe that he is a sex addict now, he is just happy to be a “monger” and prefers these over regular women. He won’t even pick one up in a bar unless he pays for it.
    Yes, he disgusts me, but a tiny part still loves him. I’m just not in love. He can’t even look at me in a bikini. I’m not sexy to him he says! But that is ok, because I do not want him to even begin to compare me to anything that he might consider having sex with. I just want out and to find myself again. To be able to talk to people without crying, to be able to find a job again without being put down and my money spent before I get to. So much to look forward to! Sorry to rant, but I hope that other women will find the courage to not believe their lies and move on. Once a cheater always a cheater!

  5. I feel the hurt, rage from the writers above. My ex was an abusive person. (he was horribly abused by his father as well) I thought our son got out with minimal damage but now it turns out our son is a sex addict -likely due to shame and low self esteem inflicyed by his father. Can anyone help me know what to do or not do to help my wonderful son? He is only 26. I am insisting that he get help. What should I do??
    Thank you.

    1. I can only incourage you to talk to your son and to give him the information out there to get help. Don’t let it go 5, 10 or 30 years and destroy his families lives. When it comes down to it, it’s not just his life, It is the lives of his wife, children and extended family that gets hurt deeply. I know from experience. The debt he will drag them into, the disease he will bring home, the hurt he will eventually cause to all including himself. He may be telling himself “I can stop this all by myself, but he is lying to himself and to all involved. It’s an endless cycle of lies and cheating. Don’t be like my husband mom and say “Oh He is like his father and it will pass with age” What? When he freaking dies??? I’m not waiting around that long, He either gets help now or I’m outta here. I’m tired of the whores so that is what I am doing when the attorney clears me! Mine doesn’t want help and obviously doesn’t want us!! So do what u can for your son while he is young and not 30plus years into his so called addiction!

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