Sometimes I think when we are dealing with our spouses or partners Sex Addiction we forget that the addiction is not necessarily the only problem in the relationship. Sex Addicts have a myriad of emotional issues that can make the relationship rocky aside from the addiction.
My husband and I had a ‘discussion’ this morning over an incident that happened last night. It had nothing to do with his addiction, it was simply one of those ordinary misunderstandings that should have been over and done with in about two minutes.
It just seems that the smallest things around here turn into mountains and the culprit seems to be his lack of any type of honest, sincere response and empathy coupled with his lack of problem solving and communication skills. Now, I know it sounds like I am bashing him, but I’m really just trying to figure out if all of this is linked to the Sex Addiction or if he has separate emotional or psychological problems.
When I bring up something that is troubling me he immediately retreats. If I say what is bothering me he will just sit there, staring into space, saying nothing at all. Absolutely nothing. I wait and wait. Nothing. When and if he responds, and it’s usually after I get angry at his lack of response, he just says, ‘I fucked up, I’m sorry.’ No emotion, no expression of empathy or understanding of my feelings, nothing. No discussion. No talking about what he thinks or feels. Nothing.
If I push him for some sort of response all he will say is, ‘I don’t know what to say.’ We have never ever made up after a discussion or argument, it just hangs there forever. No make up sex either, he says he doesn’t even know what that is.
Is anyone else out there having the same issues? Can your Sex Addict express feelings and opinions? Am I the only spouse or partner who feels as if I am living with a robot? Sometimes I feel invisible.
Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you’re really strangers. ~ Mary Tyler Moore