I received this story yesterday from a woman who desperately needs support and advice. I am hoping some of you will chime in with responses. ~ JoAnn
September 2016, my life totally changed. I returned from out of town for one night and had a feeling I needed to look at my husband’s phone. There were two different numbers texted asking, “are you available?”
I knew what it was because in April 2015, I found the same thing. In April 2015, when I confronted him about the numbers, he blamed it on his cousin. Said he’d used his phone that day, and could have texted someone. These were messages that said, “are you available tonight?” “Do you remember me?” Can’t wait to see you again, wish it was tonight.”
For a year and a half he lied about those messages. I knew they were escorts because I googled the numbers and they were to local escorts.I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
When I found the ones in September, I confronted him and asked who was he asking if they were available. He said he didn’t know what I was talking about and pulled up his text screen. He’d deleted the messages, but I’d taken a picture of them. He tried to act like he didn’t text that until I pulled up the pictures. Then he said it was like a fetish. He would text escorts and ask to see them but would never meet with them. I lost my shit. We argued and I didn’t sleep one hour that night. I scheduled counseling for a couple of days after finding out and we met with the therapist.
Two days after meeting with the therapist, I got my husbands phone and dug deeper. I found emails. Hundreds. All responding to Craigslist adds. Out of the hundreds, five of them were sent during our marriage. They were responding to M4M adds. Asking to give and receive oral sex only. I was sick. I woke him up at 3am in a rage. He had no choice but to confess. I was/am devastated.
He swears he’s never met anyone during our marriage. That they were only emails and texts. The therapist and I don’t believe him. I wish he would just admit it, but that’s his story and he’s sticking to it. It’s been almost a year and I’m still struggling. I hate my husband for what he’s done. He’s never admitted to anything unless he was backed into a corner.
I don’t think I can heal because I don’t have the truth, but he insists that I do. I can’t love him like a wife should and I’m torn as to what to do. Leave or stay. We have a two and a half year old together, and three girls between us. His two and my one. They’re all older. I don’t want to be a single mom again but I don’t know if I can ever trust him. None of my family nor his know what he has done. He doesn’t want them to know. I need help and answers.
I’m so broken, so hurt, so alone and so depressed. He’s ruined me.