I received the following e-mail from a concerned partner. I was appalled as I watched the video and listened to him make an absurd excuse for ‘sex addiction’ behaviors. Unfortunately this is just yet another twist on the old victim blaming game. 

What do you think? ~ JoAnn

Hi JoAnn,

First, thank you so much for all you do! Your blogs have been a Godsend. Without you, I wouldn’t have found the right kind of help and most likely would have suffered yet again from TID.

I emailing because I would like to suggest a post warning spouses about Ross Rosenberg. I was so shocked and hurt after coming across a video of his on spouses of sex addicts. I found a few articles, but one in particular added to my shock and frustration. According to Rosenberg, sex addicts are codependents and became addicts mostly due to the fact that they have narcissistic wives. Although he states in many of his articles that codependency is actually self-love deficit, a term he proudly professes to have coined himself, Rosenberg insists that the sex addict’s problem is out of having a narcissist for a spouse; thus robbing the addict from experiencing self love. Ironically, upon reading his articles, Rosenberg comes across as quite the narcissist himself.

He praised himself for “discovering and renaming” codependency to self-love deficit, yet admits to panicking when a colleague ask him to explain self-love deficit and how to treat it. Rosenberg then gives two possible passive-aggressive approaches to answering the question, but decided on the third option taking a much more narcissist response by proudly sharing his un-insightful insight that he clearly offers in counseling without any further thought or research. It appears Rosenberg is treating patients based on a half-assed model that he himself did not think through enough to explain let alone use on patients or present as fact!

I found his video and article to not only be infuriating, but also extremely dangerous, unethical, and deserving of some sort of malpractice suit. As someone who champions for spouses and speaks out against damaging therapy models and counselors, I urge you to please speak out again regarding Rosenberg’s abuse. The trauma caused by opinions from people like Rosenberg, Carnes, Weiss, and CSAT is just as abusive as the trauma caused by sex addicts. In experiencing multiple accounts of therapy induced trauma, I felt it was important to share this with you in hopes that those who came across and were further damaged by Rosenberg’s work, would also find healing in resources that argue against and discredit his BS.

I provided links to the video and the article I mentioned. There are many videos of his that I find bothersome and raised many questions. It is my sincere hope you find yourself just as outraged by Rosenberg and become compelled to publicly comment. One day, I hope to share my personal story with you and possibly your readers. Thank you again, JoAnn.



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