Our path to recovery starts with discovery. The ways that each of us find out about our spouse’s Sexual Addiction are as varied as the types of addiction. Some of us are jolted into painful reality with a phone call from the local jail, the other woman or man, or just by having to face the overwhelming evidence that we have been trying to ignore. Rarely, our spouse may have become so distressed with their way of life that they will shock us with a confession.
But, however it happens, the initial discovery is only the beginning. It took over four years for my husband to reveal the full spectrum of his addictive activities. This partial disclosure is quite common among Sex Addicts. Often those who are confronted will vehemently deny any wrongdoing and only fess up to what absolutely cannot be denied. This kind of behavior can make you crazy. Not only is the frustration enough to make you want to scream, but over time a more insidious pattern emerges where we begin to doubt ourselves.
This happened to me just before and then after I discovered my husband’s addiction. He would so convincingly deny what I knew in my heart was going on, that to somehow rationalize my suspicions and return to a sense of normalcy that I so desperately wanted, I began to doubt myself. I’m sure you have all done the same. It’s a protective measure, it justifies our continuance of the relationship; but it is also a very dangerous pattern.
I would like to hear about your experiences with discovery and denial. How did you discover your partner’s secret life? Did you suspect what was going on? Did you confront him? What was his reaction?
I’ll be looking forward to your comments. Take care.
This is a re-post from May of last year. I thought some of my new visitors would enjoy not having to search for older posts.
“A woman is like a tea bag, you can not tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”