Living with a person with Double addiction…
I recently discovered that my Alcoholic husband is also a Sex Addict. As if dealing with the emotional drama of a recovering Alcoholic was not enough here comes the next big news of his disgusting sex addition! So what is next? Drug addiction? Will these people ever learn a lesson?
So here is my story I am 29 years old and have been married for about 7 years now..About 4 years back due to some job related reasons, me and my husband’s had to stay apart for about 3 months. Apparently he started the habit of daily drinking back then as he had “nothing else” to do and was bored!
Later when we move back together he continued his drinking, in next 2 years it got progressively bad, initially it was only on Fridays, then to Saturday and Sundays. At first he used to just sit at home and get drunk. Later he started going out with his friends to clubs. Again this got progressively bad, coming back home at midnight to coming back in the next day morning. And most of the time when he is out clubbing, his phone is conveniently out of battery.
Then one day he goes out in evening and come back home the next day evening, he came home running and admitted to me that he woke up in some Sleezy place and he had a black out episode! Although he totally denied that he was with any girls!
Luckily (or not) he realized that he had a drinking problem and started going to AA. For next 4 months he went to meetings resentfully. I don’t think he really liked it and was being honest with his sponsor.Coz when we went for holiday he used to have couple of drinks. But still continued to get Sober chips from AA! How honest of him!
Yeah in between, I caught him watching porn and pleasing himself many times, we fought over it he stop it for few weeks and that cycle continued!
Anyway he became soo withdrawn and angry all the time. Always arguing and fighting all the time, I started to think the drinking days were better! I became soo curious and went ahead and read his journal (yeah stupid silly me!)And I came to realize that he is in love with a colleague at work and apparently had sex during his clubbing days couple of times, and a whole sort of how we married young and how he resent being stuck with me and not able to actually do “single and ready to mingle!” days.
So needless to say I was devastated and I cried and cried for days..! He as usual was angry and blamed it all on me telling that I had high moral standard so he couldn’t meet it. He even blamed his sponsor coz he was a single guy and he couldn’t relate with him.. How crazy is that!!
Then he skipped AA meetings for a month and found another sponsor who is married with Kids and all.
So, fast forward 1 year, I started going to Al Anon and finally started having a Normal relationship with him. He seemed to do better as well, was working the steps more truthfully this time. I could see that he was sincere this time. Never had a drop of drink even when we were in beer party!
So last week, I get to know from a friend that she saw my husband roaming around the mall on a working day! I was like…what?? Blur blur blur. So stupid silly me go and read his Journal again, so here come all the breaking news. He had been indulging both online and outside regularly, it is like a ritual, outing on every Monday and online on every Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I confronted him and he confessed that he have been doing this for last few months!!! And he never went all the way and only had a hand job or a blow job!! Now that is the best justification I have heard so far!
And the whole sad story of how he felt so guilty and bad and how humiliated he felt when he was walking to and from the “massage parlors”!!!!!
He confessed to me that he indeed did have a Sex addiction and he cannot do anything about it! Apparently he has been going to all these places during office hours! Lucky of him, his office is just next to all these special service places..!
He even told me that apparently few days back he confessed to his sponsor about his sex addiction and his sponsor who also went through the same and they are doing the 12 steps to together and he is sure this will go off after the steps.
I cried for just couple of days and then I don’t feel any pain or misery..I just feel numb!
The worse thing, he got a mono infection and was soo sick in last November and I had no clue how he got it. In fact the Doc asked him usually it is spread via Saliva and he was like no, no I never had any sexual partners other than my wife and acted out so offended! Now he confided that he got it from one of those massage places and kept going back there.How stupid can he get!
Now he is putting up such a drama, putting a sad face all the time. He locked away his laptop, smart phone passed me all his credit cards and said that he will never repeat it! And that is the man who went and had “fun” day out even the day before!
I gave him enough chances already. All my instincts are telling me to just leave him! He is just 31 and has a long life in front. I am 200% certain that he cannot remain faithful or honest throughout!I am not sure if I should give him one more chance as he is very serious about doing the steps and all! He keeps telling me that his sponsor also went through the same situation and they are one happy family now and we will be there soon as well!
I am dying to hear from you ladies!