Sex Addiction is still in the news, but methinks we have returned to the not so golden age of the fifties where men were men because men were men. Can this writer/chef/comedian who posted this article in the Huffington Post really reflect the views of American men or is his tongue stuck so far into his cheek that it has reached his backside, thus blocking any pathways to his brain?
Even for the sake of a good laugh, expounding that all men are prone to stray because it is in their genes is just old, tired and truly brainless. But Mr. Rosenthal sinks to a new level of low when he claims that Sex Addiction is a conspiracy by women, even elevating it to a ‘Sexual Movement’ orchestrated by women to confine all those joyful, horny, genetically programmed playboys into rehab centers in order to eliminate them from society.
I really expected more from 2010.
Three wise men – are you serious? ~ Author Unknown
I think the article is quite funny – because it’s trying to be lighthearted about something that causes grief and pain – but only because I’m out of the equasion as far as being with someone who has sexual malfunction problems is concerned. On a more serious note I do think he makes a fair point in terms of who’s jumping on the band wagon in terms of excuses for infidelity (men and women). I’ve been thinking that although drugs and alcohol and many other things can become addictive, sex is a natural instinct – for both sexes. But there again so is food. So I don’t think that sex addiction can or should be compared/grouped with/to addictions which are compelled by social influences or peer pressures. I also believe that the withdrawal from drugs/alcohol is as much physical as it is mental – making it more difficult than withdrawal from any mental anguish that takes place as a result of abstaining from something else which gives a sense of relief from pain/hurt or is a form of escape from whatever distraught thoughts/feelings we need to get away from and numb. Perhaps the “guilt” feelings are similar but I think not. I may be being harsh – and I’m still getting over my sex addict – but I’m trying to be realistic also.
I believe that Seren and I are the two women on here who were “other women” to someone who “compulsively seeks out sex.” aka – sex addict.
This article, in my opinion, is utter drivel and I have little patience for ignorant idiots like this. First of all, there are PLENTY of WOMB-men sex addicts and its common knowledge that it is a human instinct to “mate” with (usually) the opposite sex and it is also well-understood that the instinct is often even more intense in the male of our species.
Has anyone ever heard of masturbation and fantasy instead of fornicating your way through town, to satisfy one’s “extra” and obviously “entitled” “cravings”? Or actually TALKING to your partner about what’s going on inside your pretty “pig dog” head?
wow! what a concept!!!
This guy like so many others just doesn’t get it at all and thinks its all one big running joke which is really a very sad commentary on how our society sees (or not sees) this most devastating disorder. This is not about a NORMAL sex drive, human desire, craving, or even a very “high sex drive”. It is about a person who’s life is so out of control that he will do ANYTHING including LIE, CHEAT, STEAL, GO INTO DEBT, GET FIRED, LOSE HIS HOUSE, HIS FRIENDS, HIS HEALTH, EVEN HIS LIFE!!! — whatever he or she has to do in order to extract his never ending, pathological, compulsive and increasingly risky supply of SEX which is being used as a drug, NOT a form of connection, intimacy, love, caring, nurturing and procreation, that the bulk of us see sex as.
Hey, if I could eat a whole cherry cheesecake with a buttery graham cracker crust every day, and get away with it, I would! If I could afford to not work, I would. If I never had to exercise, I would…
Like Seren, I too, am still trying to “get over” my lover who I have not been in contact with at all since September. It has gotten a lot better for me and I do not long for him nearly as much as I did in the early weeks. He did go to rehab, but only a few weeks later, I found him by chance, out “on the prowl” again. Statistically, as I understand, this is the norm for SAs.
And something else, most ironically has helped me to heal… and this is the most bizarre thing ever, and don’t ask me how, but I actually found a BLOG on the internet that was written by his most devastated, domestic partner of over 10 years, who just found out 3 months ago of her partner’s betrayal!!! OMG!!! I can only imagine that she would die a thousand deaths if she realized that one of his lovers was reading her most private innermost thoughts and feelings. (this is due to the fact, that he told me so much about his “real” life)
She is the most courageous woman and her writing is so articulate, expressive and achingly poignant as she is trying to come to terms with the sledge hammer that came crashing down on her suddenly with no warning whatsoever. She truly loves this man, with every fiber of her being(the man she thought he was, but clearly is not) but what she doesn’t realize yet, is that he is incapable of loving her (or anyone for that matter) the way that she loves him.
They are both in therapy individually and jointly and I wish them both nothing but the best and every hope for both of their recoveries.
Apparently, however, he is not committed (yet) to becoming sexually sober,(which to me, means HONEST) and so, unfortunately, the prognosis is not very good for a happy resolution for their relationship.
This is the bottom line. They had a COMMITMENT to the other that they were MONOGAMOUS – period. Is this realistic? For some it is and for some it isn’t. I think it really makes sense for couples to discuss this sort of thing BEFORE they decide to shack up or get married. And failing that, to discuss it as time goes on. I didn’t say it was easy, but done in a loving, supportive way, I think its the only way.
As I have stated before, there are some couples (as my husband and I) who fare very well in an open relationship, but again, those that are successful are honest with the other and healthy in their sexuality. The relationship could be “open” and if with someone who is not honest, then its still not gonna work.
Sex addiction is about DECEIT, LIES, MANIPULATION, and BETRAYAL–on the very deepest level possible.
Genuine love is beautiful, caring, honest, freeing and emotionally satisfying.
It’s an old axiom, but “if it hurts, it isn’t love.”
I wish everyone who sees this, all the best for a healthy and beautiful new year and much love and happiness too.
“If it hurts, it isn’t love”. Completely agree. I wasn’t the “other woman” by the way – I was his long-term partner at the core of his russian roulette game. We had built a life together over 3 1/2 years. I ended this life when I found out about his secret life (which was a far cry from the one he presented to me, his family and his friends etc).
I didn’t/don’t long for him to come back but I grieve for what I’ve lost and the betrayal which has devastated me – I think it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done to ignore him when he tried to contact me to talk. I’m still grieving really. But he very likely had plenty of “other women” on the go that he met up with online and through escort agencies etc.
I’ve seen a few of his friends and family who have no idea what happened and who tell me he has been like a broken man since our break-up. They say things like “It’s a shame you 2 can’t work it out. He was so happy with you”. They have no idea and I won’t enlighten them but it’s very difficult to pretend that it’s a “normal” breakup when I see them. I don’t care how broken he appears to them. I loved him and he broke my heart.
I don’t think the article is trying to be serious…
Happy New year to you all. x
Seren, please forgive me, I must have confused you with someone else, and I should’ve checked more carefully before saying that.
My situation, was unusual and certainly not main stream, but even in that context, most inappropriate and very hurtful. To me, he was a very dear friend and I cared deeply for him. I still do, but I know that he is just not good for me.
I admire you a lot and I think that you are a very strong woman who is doing right by herself in a very difficult situation.
Of course, he is a “broken man.” And so typical, he is making the breakup about YOU,(gggggrrrrr…) and doesn’t appear to be taking responsibility for his heinous behavior and doesn’t seem to have much remorse either. ick. Hopefully, one day the penny will drop, for him, but you were wise to not wait around for that unlikely scenario.
Families… ugh. I’m sure they mean well, but its really none of their business, especially when they don’t have all of the facts.
I was the other woman you were thinking about I guess.
I have been with my lover for almost 3 years, and I really loved him, still do for that matter.
I still cry myself to sleep at night, wondering how I could have been so stupid to fall for all the lies, the deceit, but they are so good at what they do. Most of them had practice for years and indeed, my lover too was married for 31 years, and his wife didnt have a clue untill I emailed her. She too has a blog that I read, and I can see she is hurting just as I am. The SA doesnt care about a family life, all I heard him was complain about the money it would cost if she left him. And yes, I didnt hear from him again either, it only tells me how much he really cared about me, and how much they are capable of loving anyone but themselfs, which is no one in my eye sight. I think they have no idea what they cause with their actions, to anyone.
But I am fighting every day, and I know I will get stronger coming out of this, just like we all are.
Happy new year !
I gave my first love my heart
Only for it to be crushed
With no answers:.
Every single moment that passed
Went through my mind
Over, and over
Memories of love, passion, lust
Confusion, stubbornness, and heartache
Thinking “What went wrong?”
Trying to get the fire back
Not knowing that he had
Forgot the past in so little time
Still clinging to what it was
What “we” used to mean:
Didn’t let go so easily
A kiss shared
When I think back at what happened
I still wonder
“What went wrong?”
I still imagine that boy and that girl
Thinking, planning, wondering
I still can see those passionate kisses
Them each saying “I love you”
And truly mean it
And both thinking,
“I am completely in love with this person”
No explanations to change of heart
No closure to what a simple sentence
Changed both of their lives
Thanks Owe, I appreciate your kind words. The book is about 50% completed and I expect that it will be available for purchase before the end of the year. In the meantime I am putting together some eBooks with expanded information that is not included in the book. The first eBook, ‘Boundaries’ should be available soon.