Here’s a story I received a few months ago. Every story of Sex Addiction Discovery just breaks my heart.
It was January 17th and I had just spoken to my husband who was out of town on a business trip. As usual I just tossed my phone on our bed after we said our goodbye’s, never bothering to actually touch the “end” button on the call. I headed down stairs and made dinner for our two children.
After about thirty minutes I headed back up stirs to watch some TV, when I heard noises coming from my phone. When I picked it up I thought my husband must be at dinner and his phone inadvertently called me back so I tried calling his name to get his attention. As I continued to listen I started to make sense of the noise and my brain exploded with trying to make sense of what I was hearing.
I first I thought he was watching a porn on the TV, and immediately thought….no that would show up on the hotel bill. Then I thought he must have rented a video. Well, no there are not VCR’s or CD players in hotel rooms, and then it happened…my husband spoke….I held on intently for him to speak again and after several minutes he did speak again and I knew right then my life and marriage were over.
After my husband finished with his whore, I began to text him over and over to make his phone buzz to get his attention. One word after another..HELLO..YOU..ARE..SO..
My husband’s wonderful fun evening had just crashed down on him. Despite me never wanting to speak with him again, he caught the very next flight to come home. This was all exactly one year ago.
My husband over the course of two years had nine prostitutes. He will tell you that, that phone call was the best thing that could have happened for him. He will tell you that, in that moment he felt relieved and free from his double life.
Since that night I have read several Sex Addiction books, went into therapy for me and the complete devastation I was, and to some extent still, enduring.
Yes, everything leading up to and into Sex Addiction is very complicated; Horrible childhoods, physical and mental abuse, the extreme self hatred which allows a man to use a whore.
My therapist has put it this way, Men with psychological problems (their personal Trash) take their trash to the only place we know to take trash which is (The Dump), a prostitute.
So far I am still with my husband because he was in counseling that very week of getting caught. He has worked very hard to be accountable. He has shown time and time again how remorseful he is.
For me, I have no trust. Wedding rings are just silly trinkets; they are not some magic force field that keeps anyone faithful. We do not acknowledge any form of anniversary. I would have to ask which anniversary, the first whore, the second whore..etc.. There are nine dates throughout the year where he enjoyed a prostitute. We have no anniversary! I have deleted two years worth of family pictures because every time I saw a picture my first question would be if he was cheating on me at that time.
I question so much, particularly if hanging in here with a Sex Addict is worth the heartache?
Thank you for giving me a forum to express some of my story. Thank you