“Hi JoAnn,

I wrote you a few weeks ago, and have attached the email below. Can you post for me or let me know how. Turns out it is worse, so far admission of seeing to prostitutes, swears hand job only but he also swore he never met up with anyone.

I’m really tired of all of this! And happy to have the site for support
Thanks so much,

Hi Joann
It was a breath of fresh air to find your site, and read through so many stories I could relate to. I was recently blindsided by my husbands sex addiction, am about 3 weeks post confrontation……….

For background, I am a recovering alcoholic, have been sober almost 2 years. To say I was a good wife prior to my sobriety would be a lie, I was not in so many ways.

My husband and I had much more of a parent child relationship for many years, it certainly was not a healthy relationship. I married my husband because I thought he was safe. I knew he loved me more than I loved him, and knew he would never leave me. Apparently this is common for those of us with daddy abandonment issues and a history of sexual abuse.

Because I needed to feel in control of the relationship to feel safe, it did not allow for my husband to grow and didn’t allow me to have respect for him. We have never had a healthy sex life, until my sobriety.

Fast forward to 2 years ago, I stopped drinking, began therapy, became more in touch with me and living my life in the present and commenced on a road of gratitude and appreciation for the blessings in my life. I tried extremely hard to right so many wrongs I’d been responsible for in my relationship with my husband.

The first year of my recovery did not see many changes in our relationship as I suspect he did not think the changes in me would stick but the last year had been good, and I believed we had a good shot of making a happy life together.

And then he did two things that sent red flags up for me.
1.) he opened the phone bill and gave me the summary page only, i.e. no phone detail red flag raised, but moved on with my day
2.) he stopped the mail when we went on an annual beach vacation, pro-activity not his strong suit.

So when the following month’s phone bill came and he again pulled the detail, I put on my private investigators hat and began digging.

I pulled cell phone bills for the prior year and found a large amount of phone calls to 1.800 sex/chat lines. The disturbing parts were the amount of time spent on the calls, and the fact that they went to local call lines. i.e. meet singles in your area.

I then found web history of looking at ads on craigs list as well as various phone calls and text to random cell numbers.

When I confronted my husband I did so with love for him as I understand addiction and did not want to make him feel ashamed or judged. He was shocked that I had found him out, but offered only a little remorse.

I believe he did so because he did not realize I had the phone records for the year because I did not go into a lot of detail about what I found.

It took a couple days for him to realize I was very serious about my discoveries, and he has since been extremely remorseful, has gone to see a sex therapist and is going to his first 12 step meeting tomorrow night.

He is doing and saying all the right things with respect to his recovery, but I do not trust him. Something in my gut is telling me it is worse than what he has admitted to so far.

He swears he has not slept with anyone else, but who looks up craigslist ads without acting on them. As far as I can tell craigslist is not a chat site, it is for random and anonymous hook ups. And I go from feeling sorry for him, and wanting to help, to not being able to stand being anywhere near him, angry and then to feeling completely numb.

I feel isolated because I don’t have anyone to talk to about all of this. I still see my therapist, but need to talk to women who have been through this and find out how they cope.

With my past sexual abuse, and his sex addiction (i’ve always known he masturbates a lot) our sex life has never been healthy, and with the baggage of that, my drinking and the new revelations I don’t think I have the energy, the want, the desire to try and work this out.

Is this a normal reaction????? I have no idea…..feel very lost, and hopeless at times.

The hardest part for me is giving up on the fantasy life I thought we had, all the while knowing deep down we didn’t. Maybe we will end up stronger with better communication, a deeper relationship, but after reading your site and others, it seems recovery is not very prevalent, and I truly don’t know if I can get past this. I’d rather he be addicted to anything other than sex, I think I could get past anything else.

Anyway, any insight, opinions or direction you could give would be very much appreciated!

Visits: 35

88 Responses

  1. I know exactly how you feel. I was/am married for almost 4 years with one beautiful daughter who is 1.5 years old. I hate this man for living this double life. And for a long time, I blamed myself, but I’ve come to discover, an addict is an addict. There is nothing you can do. If they are willing to get help, which is the case for my husband, the marriage falls apart. We are currently going through a divorce, and at first I didn’t want it, but now, I think it’s probably the best thing. I can no longer trust this person I thought I knew. The very person I shared a bed with was living a secret life. He was living the secret life while I got pregnant. That was very hard for me. But I will not give up my daughter. She deserves better male role models in her life, like my dad for example. It’s tough, I won’t say it’s easy.

  2. I meant, if they are NOT willing to get help, there is nothing you can do. They will never change. My husband even tried to negotiate with me to keep some of his “sex” sites. I will never compromise my morals or standards, even if it means getting a divorce.

    1. Onlyonescorp,

      Interesting you felt the need to make the correction…I too have been married 4 years (together 6+) and have a 3 year old daughter and a soon-to-be 1 year old daughter…My husband WAS willing to get help…BUT that was just part of the MASTERY of his FACADE…he is GREAT at putting on facades…He started seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in sex addiction shortly after my discoveries and after I kicked him out of the house (but willing to wait 1 year to file for divorce)…but he STILL pursued women, even joined match.com!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 6 Months later, I am finally clear. He is not a sane person. He just isn’t. And even if I am ALONE for the rest of my life (well, not really alone because I have my beautiful girls) it will be better than being with this sick man who just is INCAPABLE of seeing my worth, incapable of honesty, incapable of (taking true) accountability, incapable of having compassion…It’s sad I wasted 6 years and that I convinced myself so long that things were better than they were, not seeing the red flags, etc. But I am just confronting fear and reaffirming my faith in the Universe/God that me and my girls will be okay.

      All that to say…whether they are willing to get the help or not…may not really matter…especially since so many of them are so insincere about that help…it’s just part of their web of lies and their need to save face…

      Best of luck to you. I love hearing that you are choosing this path…I love that I found this site!!!…

      Hug to you,

      1. Patriatri2-
        I am so blessed to have found this site. As I type this right now your story is VERY similar to mine, except that we do not have children (thank God) but were in the process of “planning for them.”Without trying to sound “negative” to others that are taking this “walk” with their husbands or significant others, I can honestly say that like you, Patriatri2, even when they “commit” to getting help things may not be what they seem. I have been married for 4 years. A year after our 1 year anniversary, I discovered that my husband had been soliciting for hookers on Craigslist. I was shattered, broken, embarrassed and was completely alone. I did not leave the marriage as he agreed he would get “help.” 6 months later I discovered that he had been with 2 (he claims it was 2 but who really knows) prostitutes. I stayed, hoping that he would get help. Well, 3 weeks ago I discovered that he had been with 3 additional prostitutes and binging on porn and masterbating daily (after finding an I pad that I thought was hidden) for the last 6 months (maybe longer). This was of course was going on WHILE he was in counseling, mens meetings, and practicing “transparancy.” After this, I have swallowed a hard pill that he is a junkie. A junkie will lie, manipulate and do ANYTHING for their addiction. While I do believe that some men can recover from this, it can only come if THEY truly WANT the HELP. I will pray for each of you on this site. At the current time I have moved out of the house and am seeking my own recovery for in order to gain better control over my roller-coaster emotions and am in contact with a divorce attorney. God bless each of you out here-stay strong and remember the only person that we can control is ourselves-not the addict.

  3. I suppose if I were in your shoes I would have to ask a couple of questions. First, how long has it been going on? If it’s a short time then it is possible he was just toying with the craigslist ads just seeing what was out there and available. It is possible he went for only massages and hand jobs (not penetration). If it’s been going on for a while? Sorry to say that anything goes. These guys when they first get started walk a tight rope of right and wrong. They push it little by little until they are so deep they’re lost and they all but give up trying to do right.

    The next question I’d ask is Is he willing to get help? Agreeing to see a counselor or going to SA is only a baby step. Is he willing to offer full transparency in the marriage? Is he willing to tell you where he is, check in, show you all the bills, set up joint money and phone accounts? You get honesty from him or you get out. And don’t believe a word of his remorse or apologies. That means nothing coming from an addict (you should know that).

    Finally… you are in for a long haul. This isn’t like alcoholism where you just decide one day to stop and be sober. I haven’t met a sex addict yet that could pull that off. Maybe you don’t have the strength for that road. You’ll need to figure that out for yourself – but it’s not going to be an easy ride. (this coming from someone who has chosen to go along for the ride)

  4. Ann…your response is concerning and I hope “My so called life story” will realize these few things. Regardless of how long this has been going on, there is NO justification for looking on Craigslist, or getting “just” a hand jobs and not penetration. Everything Ann says makes it seem like these things are ok. They ARE NOT. Any looking, on any site, any kind of sexual encounter outside of marriage is NOT OK. Please understand that you are in now way expected to accept it in any way and it is perfectly fine for you to feel like boundaries have been crossed because they have! Regardless of how long it has been going on or if your husband is willing to admit and work on it or not. You are in control here and need to do what you need to do. ALWAYS follow your gut and you said your gut tells you there is more. LISTEN TO IT!
    Good luck my friend!

  5. Ann,

    I agree with Karebear and I hope that you won’t take any offense, but its been my experience that there is NO only and that any kind of acting out is unacceptable (and always leads to more and more, the same as an alcoholic having ANY alcohol, whatsoever) and probably NOT THE TRUTH— If you “ask” him.

    For me, that is the problem. Where do the lies begin and where do they end? Who knows?

    My husband “swore” that it was “just” cyber sex… and then years later, it was “just” one woman– “one” time– then months later…no it was two times… (two hundred times?)

    Then it wasn’t JUST one, it was two different women and on and on… and then it comes out that it wasn’t JUST chats, it was web cam, and phone sex and tryst in the only hotel in our area.

    But NOW, he is “tired” of the “double life”

    NOW, that I’ve said— I’m done and he sees the incredible amount of devastation as we have been together for 25 years and have two children, 21 and 16.

    I know its an individual choice whether to stay or go. But first, I believe that its tantamount that partners understand the REAL DEAL. They most likely don’t really know their partner. not really.

    Or at least, his evil twin, that was lurking inside, waiting for just the right time to emerge.


  6. I believe everyone deserves a second chance. But it sounds like he needs a second chance for more than one offense and if you don’t feel like you can trust him anymore than it just isn’t worth putting yourself through that. Remember this is your life too and you need to live it to the fullest for yourself not for someone else. You can ask anyone else for help but it is truly what is in your heart that matters.

  7. I too have just discovered that my husband (since July 4 2010) has been seeing escorts. I think one eye-opener for me was that he was seeing them when we were having sex at least every other day…so I know that it doesn’t matter how much I offered myself to him…It would never be enough. I asked him to move out on Nov 1 and I just received the last access I’ll have to his phone records and see that he called 2 escorts on Nov 11. He’s living back at home with his parents…hanging out living his fantasy life of fantasy football, video games, and fantasy women. I’m left with figuring out this mess. I’ve pretty much lost any hope that he’s interested in changing…I’ve realized I need to let that go. However, I still feel conflicted about the commitment I made to be there for better or worse and until death. I know I can’t be with him…but I’m really struggling with the “divorce” decision. I’m also struggling with what to tell people and his parents…he told them he was unfaithful but in my opinion that only scratches the surface of what is really going on. I feel like I’m still protecting him by pretending that we’re still married and yet I’m not sure how much is appropriate to tell people…while also feeling that infidelity isn’t why I’m leaving him. What kills me also is that we were good friends for 2.5 years before we ever started dating…I just can’t believe I didn’t know about any of this…

    1. To Lost and Found Lorraine and others

      I am crying reading your messages. I received a text not meant for me back on 5 August 2011 and got the same lies. But it was for someone I had discovered about in 2006 but he swore on holy book that it was just web sex and he had never slept with anyone else. Then in 2011 he admitted it was once with her, etc and slowly over then next 6-12 months after he had left to live with his mum (I told him to leave on 6 Aug 2011) it came out that he was having an affair with this woman – a prostitute (reformed apparently) that he had been sleeping with since 2005 on and off and made into a full blown affair from March 2011 (which is a lie and seems to be from 2010). SHe has been in hard core porn movies, he has been paying her £000s of pounds over the years. I got into his phone and found texts and dirty photos. He bought her a car, computer, furniture, etc etc. She was living with a guy and had 2 illegitimate children from 2 different other men (one when she was 15), drinks, has taken drugs, and he is telling her how he wishes she was his wife and meeting her and texting her 24/7, even while sitting with us and while in theatre with me 1 week after my op, etc etc. All while I didnt know why we were always overdrawn.

      She was not the only prostitute he had had an affair with. And there has been porn and prostitutes for years and it seems for most of our 21 year marriage. And has spent £000s on his habits. We have three chidren and although I have a decree nisi I haven’t got the decree absolute and I still see him often due to the children and money etc. We live in overdraft. He is I believe still watching porn and paying for prostitutes but always denies it.

      People generally do not know we are separated though it is nigh on 2 years and I am still confused. I am stuck in this rut of fear of the future and still wondering if it is better to be with the devil than the deep blue sea. It all hurts so much and all those lies and deceit. And I had wanted a full marriage but he always avoided it with me and to find out now that he was getting his kicks while just neglecting me knowing that my morals would never let me have an affair really makes me angry and resentful and in my late 40s now I feel my time has gone and I will never get that back again.

      I wish I could get my life sorted but am too scared to take action and when I don’t find out for sure what he is doing I tend to believe his lies that maybe he has stopped even though my head tells me that it not the case. I find it hard that he comes here and is in the house etc but I want my kids, the younger two miss him alot, to be okay, and part of me wants him here and looks out for messages from him. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just know I don’t want to be with him ever and move on and not care if he is with someone else. Why does it still bother me so much after so long? I know it doesn’t help that I have never been with another man.

      1. Betrayed, this sounds like i wrote this. i am ending my 40’s never been with any other man. have 4 lovely kids, 27,23,20 and 8. i wonder too if there is something wrong with me. how come i cant make up my mind and just leave him? he takes advantage knowing i am a Christian and m so principled i wont have an affair. he is hardly home with me. goes out at night with other women yet he says with boys but i always find out it is with women, different women. a kid once came up a few years ago, scary as it means unprotected sex.. he is known for bragging in the bar saying he wont eat a sweeet wrapped in a plastic paper, what is the point of eating it.. its like i make him do this, he seems to find comfort in prostitutes as long as he knows i will stay and when i sleep with him it kind of fuels his excapades.. what kind of an animal is this, will someone tell me!!!!

    2. hey, this is exactly how i feel. but hey, i have been married to this guy for 28 years having dated for two. that makes it almost 30 years i have been his “play” partner because he has had other women for as long as i have known. this past month he has dated over 5 new women and slept with them. he has dibetas 2 so an erection is a problem at times yet i bear with him but i do not understand how then he goes to have so many prostitutes. he is not going to change and i doubt he has the strength to change. i think the best is to be honest to all around, if you wish to tell them, or you just move on quietly. i think better to divorce these people, as i feel we deserve better. how can he love you when his mind is always on other women? he needs a mother to care for him, to cry on shoulder when the prostitutes are not available you fill in the gap every othe day. he has antisocial personality disorder, will never be satisfied with one relationship

  8. Lostandfound,

    None of us knew and we all kick ourselves for not “seeing” it. We know that things aren’t right, but we don’t know the cause. And I, of all people, should’ve known, because I knew part of what had happened five years ago, and blah…

    Some call it trust. 🙁

    sucks, doesn’t it?

    As for “better or worse;” honey— I get that. I really do. However, it takes TWO people to make a marriage and apparently, there’s only one here. So, in that case, the contract is null and void. His ENTIRE life is one big fantasy!

    Go in peace. You did nothing wrong. You were a good and loving wife and he is an immature asshole, incapable of truly loving and committing to ANYONE.

    Still… I know… it hurts. It hurts so much.

    My best ~ Lexie

  9. I am in the process of divorce after what I thought was a good marriage for 33 years. My husband is a workaholic which I’ve learned occurs in 38% of SA cases, that or some other addiction or personality disorder. I’ve felt things weren’t right for two years attributing his emotional absence to over work. I felt he wasn’t attracted to me any longer, felt he wasn’t connecting with me, felt we didn’t spend enough time together. These concerns didn’t affect him, he was deep in his addiction by this time. This entire discovery has been a nightmare, from phone sex, computer solicitation, strip clubs requiring him to withhold money for lap dances, lastly sex with prostitutes, strippers, and even a woman he picked up off the street. I have learned this has been going on for ten years! I’m absolutely devastated, feel I will never trust anybody ever again. My husband put on a very good act, hiding this double life VERY well. He’s the kind of guy everybody loves, almost too nice, which is why this has been so heartbreaking. If my husband could deceive me like this, is there anyone I can trust? The hardest part is the lying, it took six miserable months before the truth came out with so many lies along the way. It is virtually impossible to ever believe or trust him again. He is seeing a sex therapist once a week and attending AA once a week (not an alcoholic) because he doesn’t like the “creepy” men at SA….too funny eh? For me divorce is the answer, more power to those of you can stay and do the work, I just can’t. Don’t even know who this person is anymore. We need to love ourselves, find out what WE need to be happy humans.

  10. i knew my partner frequented escorts after the break up of his marriege,which i could understand ,they had had a sexless marriege for six yrs…..but after a while with him im starting to doubt his words….it has come to light that dispite have a very healhy sex life he has been wanking every morning ( he cant function otherwise) he has also been watching barely legel porn to completion 2-3 times a wk and my gut is screaming that he,s seeing escorts still……my intuition is always spot on,but im fighting it because i dnt want to believe he would do that to me and im so in love with him. im starting to feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it….men dont realise the devestation this causes. i dont have anyway to get evidence as i dont know the password to his computer or phone and as we dont live together i cant be rummerging around in his draws for phone bills ect…………im petty certain im spot on,his sex drive is clearly through the roof but i have no way of knowing….i feel crushed…………..

  11. Princess,

    Your boyfriend makes ME sick to my stomach. Don’t you just love the little tale of deceit they spin. He tells you just enough about his reality to assuage the teensy crumb of guilt he has, but not enough to make you understand, what’s REALLY going on, for you would leave him.

    This is very, very difficult, but listening to your pain, it is obvious, that you DO know what’s going on, but are just too afraid to face the enormity of what it all means. There are LOTS of things you could do, to find out, but that is not the purpose of this forum and most of them would mean that you would have to stoop to his low low level and I do not recommend that. My inclination might be to speak to his ex-wife, but of course, that would be very scary and something most women would not do. But, she could and probably would be most happy to fill you in, on what’s really going on or went on during their marriage. Sexless marriage, my ASS!!! I’m not saying that they DID have sex, but usually in these cases,if they don’t, its because a sex addict who’s so addicted to porn and hookers, can’t perform with the ol’ ball and chain—I mean, wife. (eyes rolling) Oh, he will say that SHE didn’t want sex, but that is extremely unlikely, isn’t it? She is no different from you or me or any of us, who were left in time, feeling unloved, unwanted, un cared for and then… the truth comes out. The patterns are certain and clear. In time, you will become the same “sexless” excuse for him to act out. guaranteed. I am quite sure that everything you are feeling and going through, she did as well, and probably 10-fold. My hunch? He has been seeing sex workers all along–before he married her, after he married her… He always has and he always will. My concern for you, is for your health, both physically and emotionally. I do know, oh so well, the emotional pull that these guys have. Its an act they’ve been perfecting since childhood and it feels so much like the real thing, but its not. They are master con artists. Ask anyone on this forum. We were all duped. We all loved our husbands deeply and were all beyond devastated when we discovered that our reality was nothing like what we believed it was and for some of us, its been 20, 30, 40 years… And there are children, even grand children, a home, extended families, friends. We our left with little else but a lifetime of memories that we now realize was nothing but a sham. Imagine how that must feel. In my case, we have come close to financial ruin as my husband as many sex addicts do, found it difficult to make a decent living. I imagine that its quite difficult for a man to think about what really matters in life when his brain is located somewhere inside his dick.

  12. Just found out my husband has been seeing escorts for past six years. He lost his great paying job in Oct. got a new one… Fired for not showing up in feb. another in April quit it, and another in May lost it went to rehab. Over the years problems with money continuously. He always mad enough that it wasn’t obvious. He had a thousand dollar allowance per month for spending. What a dope I am. Always wondering why is he broke. All his money is gone 401 k all. He is behind two months on all his personal bills. I refuse tobail him out. We have a seven year old son. Past eight months his money has gone strictly for him probably contributed 1500 total for house bills. He cries and says I am punishing him whenever I ask a question. He has not admitted to seeing escorts. Says he likes the pictures. Phone records shows pages and pages of calls, text and pictures messages. Yes I am probably “punishing” him by asking over and over if he did it. Get really tired of being lied too. We have been together 15 years married 10 first year he had an affair with a girl. Resently admitted to that to..actually she told the details since he aid it was only lunch. More like a four months with him telling her and her whole family I divorced him and took him for all his money. He has none of course. My son is caught in the middle. They are very close… He is always the GOOD guy. Buys him basically like everyone else. For whatever reason I have not filed divorce yet. Hard to come to grips with this and his double life. Amazed and shocked he has shown up for all dr appointments, school functions and ect. He has basically thrown his whole life away and of course he wants a chance. He cries but cant admit the truth, maybe it wouldn’t help anyway. Need to let go and move on. He also is not from here so I have worried he will disappear out of our sons life. Honestly I recognize that might not be a bad thing. What a nightmare I have read so many blogs and about women getting HIV because of the cheater it makes me sick. His mom is behind him a 100% but I guess Jeffery Dahmers was too. Need to make a move but feel stuck.

  13. Dear Blown Away,

    Welcome to our little theater of the absurd. Yes, indeed, up is down and down is okay because he has his mommy to bail him out. There is no rhyme or reason to any of this. He does not want to hear that he has hurt you or done anything wrong. That is because he does not understand that anything he does, IS wrong. Therefore, your acting like he’s done something wrong is punishing to him. However, as you can see, none of it makes any kind of reasonable sense. And YES, that are ALL “good guys.” nice guys. Who knew? SOCIOPATHS ARE JUST NORMAL JOES LIVING AND WORKING AMONGST US AND COACHING OUR SONS, LITTLE LEAGUE. And for all too many of us, we discover that we are actually married to one of these pathetic creatures. I know this is very difficult and I need to keep reminding myself of this too. But, we cannot ask ANYTHING of them. He is severely handi-capped and incapable of leading a normal life. He does not understand real kindness. real love. real integrity. real devotion. He is incapable of this. Kill him with kindness as much as you can, but do not expect anything of him, whatsoever. Do not ask the questions you already know the answer to. Again, the only answer you will receive from him, will be deeply hurtful, so please try not to go there. And yes, sadly, it is best to make our plans and leave this crazy house, for there is only one way this sad tale can go, if we don’t leave it.

    Now, please understand that he is also likely to find another patsy, I mean woman to latch onto, for these types find it very difficult to go it alone. Pity her. He will do to her what he did to you. And don’t blame yourself for trusting this idiot. We all did. We all loved them and believed that it was reciprocal, but how can we expect a blind man to guide us down a winding path? We were all horrified to find that they were even remotely capable of behaving in this despicable fashion, and yet, the truth is that we never knew this side of them at all. No one does. Not even themselves. They are largely empty shells of a person. That is all. best to you. K

  14. I am planning to date a guy who has all these problems but has changed a lot. Still changing. But haven’t fully recovered, I guess.

    We are friends. He wanted to come out of sex addiction even BEFORE he met me. He is a Christian guy.

    But still when i think of getting married to him….i feel very sad about getting hurt. Very heavy. Disturbing. I keep imagining how all he might try to cheat and still try to hide. I will find right out.

    I thought he loved me very much and WON’T hurt me. But he broke my heart in a very silly matter. I have started wondering that he doesn’t consider me even as a good friend ….or else he won’t hurt me that way. He might be jealous but how can i live with a guy who doesn’t understand the consequences of his actions.

    I think he loves me but the quality and depth is what i am wondering. I am an extremely committed in even small things.

    Should i date him or not? I wish we remain good friends so that he will continue to be honest and i can help.

    So far he is honest.

  15. When i imagine a life with him, i can see myself getting hurt in the way described by women here. When i read this post and comments…. i can relate to almost everyone, though i was never there in such a situation.

    I am good in finding things straight away. I dig a lot when trying to protect my friends and will go to any extent to keep monitoring my husband.

    But do i need that?
    Do i need a guy who might destroy my peace?

    I wish there were no male species on this planet. Why are they so weird? Why can’t they be loyal and truthful to the woman who loves them.

    After he hurt me emotionally in a silly matter i feel like i don’t know him. He might hurt me in big things and claim that was angry or horny or that the devil trusted him.

    Do such guys change?

  16. Francina,

    Please. This man is not a friend. He is a liar and a cheater and no, these men do not change. They do not get better. not really, for the long haul.(despite appearances) Christian means nothing. absolutely nothing. Lots of addicts hide behind religion. Your heart is playing head games with your head. Your head knows the truth but doesn’t want to believe it. He is toxic. Please… do yourself a favor and cut it off. You cannot help him recover. If anything, you are an unwitting enabler. That is the only role you can serve with this man.

  17. jeez are we women so stupid?

    Or is it that i am just losing patience.

    Francina you mean you want to marry a guy who has hooker sex? I mean really?

    You think you want find anyone better who can love you or you think you are worthy enough only to be loved by a man such as this or do you think being Mother Theresa will suddenly make him a good and honest man.

    Please , please Francina grow up.

    Almost all of us here got duped . we didnt know they were addicts.

    providence/destiny/god,take your pick, has been kind enough to let you know beforehand what sort of a man he is and you still want to go ahead?

    Do you think you will always be this lucky?

    Hooker sex is something no man can ever ever give up, no matter what anyone tells you.

    It is fast food sex and once you are addicted to junk food you will never ever have the patience and taste for a gourmet meal.

  18. I have been in a relationship for 5 years but in the last two years I had suspicions that something was going on, things like putting his phone on silent, not taking it out with him anywhere, remember this was a guy who took his phone to the toilet when we first met. Then out of the blue another phone turned up he said it was for work as his new phone was getting scratched. I did bring all these things to his attention and ask if somehting was going on but he completely denied everything and kept saying he “hates guy’s that do that kind of thing” but all the time he was doing it himself with prostitutes, I truly believe he convinced himself it was o.k to do what he was doing because it wasn’t an affair it was alright, it meant nothing well that’s not true as they become obsessed by it and never see or treat you the same they become a different person they are always comparing sex with you to a hooker you never get the kind loving tender guy you had at the beginning. I finally found my evidence I used his van just the other day and found a book hidden at the back shelf I looked through it don’t know why but I was really nervous I started shaking before I found anything but then came a page full of escort names costing between £100/£200 pound an extra £10 if you wanted oral sex. I felt sick to my stomach I couldn’t even cry I was in shock even although I knew something was going on. Well ladies that is my story, stick to your first instinct if you have your suspicions they are up to something I can tell you they are, don’t be surprised if they shout, swear and walk out because they can’t believe you have accused them that’s just guilt. I can’t forgive him it’s unforgivable, deceitful dirty and degrading, so I finished the relationship as I know deep down he will not change it’s been going on for years. Good luck girls be strong and hold your head high they are the sick b…….. Not us.

    1. Tearful Maj- you described behaviours, thoughts and feelings, exactly the same as I have written down my own. I have been in a 19month relationship with a man 18 while I am 27. This relationship was made in heaven, we idolised each other. My partner was diagnosed with servere ocd and its been a very hard road. To add to this pattens of relatonship ocd kept recurring and breaks in our reltionship got longer, the make-ups become boring and now we hardly see one another.His overprotective, 2 faced mum puts so much guilt and pressure on him, now he is entrenched in rituals.
      In refrence to sex, my partner was always big on sex as he is young. He often expressed how young he felt he was when he started feeling sexual urges. I thought nothing of this and carried on. Our sex progressed and he developed a foot fettish. Slowly I noticed his attension started to point more towards porn and role play. I picked up the he fantascy’s that I am another women, that was ok too.
      In the last few months I have picked up on things relating to brothals ect especially his friends, often being sneeky. I didn’t want to even think my partner would even consider it, so I didn’t. Last night a close friend dropped on me he said he has slept with a prostitute. I couldn’t bare to he anymore and te friend didn’t carry on. I went into shock and life doesn’t feel good. I immediatly thought of the link with ocd, I also did with his cannabis addiction becoming a complusion. I haven’t be able to talk to him as his mum took him away for 3 days with no warning and no phones. I can think of serveral occations when his pattern and behaviour was the same and he went to the city centre each time. I feel robbed of my boyfriend 🙁 he loved me. He knows (I feel exactly the same) I will stand by him through anything, but not another woman. I have lost all respect for him and I feel everything has been a lie. I was hoping sex ocd or addiction could excuse his behaviours cos I don’t want to lose him 🙁 ….. Ino its already lost

  19. I really don’t know what to say…..but as ia am greeting older, I have come to realize that in this day and age it is very common. I can’t answer why? because it takes a few clicks on a computer to find 1,000s of escorts (hookers), because of easy accessible pornography, male/female entitlement, some say stress, lack of morals, or just because honestly it is really “in” to hire escorts. If one looks at the news with all these athletes and politicians, MTV and videos and the lyrics to some of these new songs, there is a lot of reference to easy sex and especially vip escorts. If you are a REAL man, an alpha man, you get yourself an escort. Back in the day, it was hush hush and only the affluent can afford it. Now, computers and escort prices lets you have anything your heart (oops penis) desires. And why not?

    If a wife, girlfriend, lover finds out and leaves, there will be 50 women in a heartbeat to replace her. If he is an alpha male with some status, money, or power, then it would be safe to say 1,000 women in a heartbeat that will replace her. And these men know it. and honestly they don’t care. They never did. They don’t think with their minds or think they will “hurt” you with their hearts. No, you are not even a factor. It is all about their ego and them. And again, why not?
    Women are not any better. Some are selfish and don’t care and go after whatever they want. Morals? Where? With shows like desperate housewives, all these raunchy reality shows, sex in the city, the kardashian girls that got famous from a porno, again it is “in” to be promiscuous and go after whatever you want. And why not? Don’t we know the new rules? You have to “hook-up” with him first to get him to like you so you can date. LOL. It’s “in” to get pregnant first or have a baby in order for him to propose.. WOW With all of this female sexual woman power liberation we are having sex like a man and desensitized.. And guess who is having a great old time? Yup men are having their cake and eating it too!

    Should you stay or go if you found out your husband is paying escorts? As a woman, I can’t give any advice. All I can say, is when it happened to me….I asked myself….do I want to keep him? If yes, for whatever reason, then keep him (find a hobby, begin a new workout, have revenge sex) do whatever you want to do to make yourself feel better. And put it behind you. He will cheat again. They all do. If you don’t want to keep him, don’t….move on. But who knows what the next might be he could be the same or worse. Anyway, this is just my opinion. Oh, I am looking forward to watching a new series on TV called Mistresses………

  20. I would really appreciate any advice. Four years ago I found a frequent user card for a massage parlor that was stamped four times. My husband swore that he would never cross that line and said that he was handed the card at a sports game by a woman when he was with his friends. Two years later I finally got on his inernet because I thought for so long that he was using Internet porn. Instead I found many massage parlors and a local escort site. I decided I was going to get divorced. When I gave my husband divorce papers he said that we should go to marriage counceling and that we should do everything we could for our son. He completely denied doing anything and said he was getting on the sites because he was fascinated by the reviews on the women. At first I refused to go to counceling. he asked me “would it help if he told me he went to the massage parlor.” I told him that was a start and we stayed together and went to counceling. He now says he went to the massage parlor for sex but was unable to do anything and that the other sites were only for the reviews. I do not feel that I have ever been given a real apology. I’ve asked him to go to his own counceling but he says that would be ridiculous since he never did anything. Without having trust for him in the relationship I feel horrible that two years later I still have not been able to forgive him. I am in limbo and do not know anymore what I should do. I just feel really guilty for not being able to get passed it. Please help.

  21. Hi there, don’t know where to begin….I have been married for 26 years. I discovered my husband is cheating on me after the third year of marriage, I though it was just a thing and it will go, did not want to leave him cuz we already had a little boy. But things did not stop, I discovered an affir every couple of years which I did not take seriously as he apologized every time and showed me how much he loves me ( which actually he does)…. Stupid me. I was not aware of the size of his problem until recent, when I started seeing physiatrists……my husband is a sex addict. Now i am in this situation, I am 52 years old and my husband is 60 years old and he hires one prostitue after the other…..I discovered almost every week. I have grown up kids now…..tiered of my life with him….cannot leave him at this stage of my life. Don’t know what to do

  22. Just discovered recently that my husband was in a website where he can meet women for one night stand anywhere he is in the globe. I felt this should be a red flag. He will be away for 5 days. I am not so sure if he had tried it but i’m planning to ask him tonight. I’m just afraid to know the truth. We are married and has 2 girls.

  23. Hi ladies, i so sympathise with all of you. It was 12 mths ago in Sept that i found out my husband was cheating with prostitutes, constantly texting women on Craigslist and other websites. I was devastated, we have been together for 26 years. Our sex life was fine but thinking back now i knew something wasnt right for probably 12 months before that, he managed to hide it well but once i was on ato him it didnt take much looking to find all the evidence. We had councelling and then it just got to hard for him to attend with his job so he stopped going. I am still seeing a counsellor even now. To be honest i will never trust him again and it has taken me this long to realise that i would be better off on my own without the constant suspicion of where nd what he is doing. I love him but its not enough, he lost his job in August, his own stupid fault and still hasnt found another one. I want him gone but said he can stay till he gets a job. Funny it is me who has sent off 50 applications while he just sits playing video games. Financially i dont know how i will cope but i need to start living my life and be happy. So if your thinking they can stop and change the answer i wud give is NO. Leopards do not change their spots. I caught him out again on Craigslist 6 weeks ago. He is not sorry but as soon as get a job and support himself he will be!! He thinks all is ok and i wont send him packing well i guess he is in for a shock. The sooner he is out of here the sooner i can start living my life. Good luck ladies!

  24. I don’t know if I should feel relieved that this is really a sickness… or scared shitless. First of all, my name is Brittany, I’m 25, and expecting my first child. I’m in a relationship with an out of control sex addict. It started way before I came along, but I didn’t see the signs right away. I started noticing that he was subscribed to a lot of dating websites… at least 6 that I can think of off top. Then he started disappearing and having a lot of unaccounted for time. Like 7 plus hours! Then, i found a picture in his phone of another girl- a prostitute I’m sure of it, giving him oral sex with NO CONDOM. I think that’s when I knew he had a real problem. He even faced with hard evidence, he lied. What he was saying wasn’t making any sense and I called him on every single hole in his story… yet he wouldn’t admit it.so, i sat back and started to observe. He began leaving for days. When he came home, his phone was full off texts between him and hundreds of escorts. I am not exaggerating. Literally every minute of the day is costumed with his search and pursuit of hookers. And the lies are the worst part. Not only that, but he is getting violent towards me. He has physically choked me to the point that I couldn’t breath twice. He threatens to burn me with a blow torch. He has even threatened to taze me. I’ve seen texts he’s sent to girls saying “I just want to find a cute girl to hang out with for the nigh” but why doesn’t he want to hang out with me? It hurts me so much. He has completely lost interest in me. We don’t have sex anymore. He would rather pay someone to have sex with him. Before this, I never questioned myself. I’ve done a lot of modeling and take good care of myself. Why does sex affect men like a drug would??

    1. Allalone I totally feel your pain! Lived That life for a year and deciding what’s the best plan of action to take now! Its so hard to think you knew somebody and then they show a whole new side you could never believe was there. It’s a sad life they live.

    2. Oh lovely girl. I know this was posted in 2014. So I really hope you have left him by now. This Wass very dangerous situation for you and your child. My husband explained to me that part of the addiction is trying to get a better girl each time. The industry is set up – so that the girl that you desire on the web page is not nesesarily the girl who walks through your door or who you get to spend time with. The amazing girls are reserved for the good long term clients- therefore sucking you in.
      Also my husband was becoming violent towards me. And so I kept him away from our home and children – making him stay away for whole nights- which of course fueled his escort addiction. But I wouldn’t change what I did- as the peace I had when the violent drunk was away from us was worth it. He has sunce admitted to being violent with the escorts also.
      It will only get worse before it ever has a chance to get better – if ever! And the “worse” period will last a really long time leading to huge emotional and physical pain for you and your child. Please set yourself up financially secretly then leave him. Much love.

    3. Hi Allalone, this has been quite some time so you may not respond but I hope so as my situation is almost identical to yours. My son is 14 months now but I too found him messaging escorts on Craigslist while I was pregnant. He didn’t get violent with me while I was pregnant but after my son was born he became violent for the first time while I was hold our 3 month old son. He grabbed me by the neck and started thrashing me back and fourth while choking me and cursing me.

      That was almost a year ago now and I moved back to my hometown in a different stare with our son. He continued texting escorts and I found out he had been cheating on me for months after our son was born. What ended up happening with your relationship? Sometimes I pray he will go back to normal but I have a feeling it won’t. He hasn’t contacted me even to see his son in 2 months now. I think he plans to never speak again.

      Just curious what happened with you since our situations are so similar.

  25. All. Thank you for sharing your stories. I have just discovered that my husband of going on five years and lover of nearly 10 has been texting escorts thousands of times and also seeing at least one woman (possibly two) who are not escorts and lavishing gifts on them. I have only so far confronted him about the one affair with the non-escort, as this is what my lawyers advised. It is killing me to not be able to hold up all of the evidence and just confront the SOB and tell him how I feel. It is crazy because I never suspected. In hindsight there were some red flags. There were a few times (thought not many) where he didn’t come home all night or came home late and made lame excuses. A few times, he came home late and had played basketball in his suit and smelled of sweat. I have had friends ask me if he was cheating. And then a few years ago I found out he was looking not only at porn (which is bad enough) on the computer, but he was looking at pictures of local escorts on LiveEscortReviews.com. I confronted him at that time and he claimed it was all just porn for him and it was normal. Like an idiot, I believed him. To make matters worse, he has been racking up massive debt on credit cards. A lot of it, believe it or not, was for us – I think to make me feel special. Lavish dinners and vacations. Flowers. Wine. But some of it was for another woman. And I still cannot figure out how he has paid for the escorts. I assume if you are texting them, then you must be screwing them or getting something. These women do not work for free. He has since tried to deny the tryst with the one woman – claims she was a psycho and he just met for a quick meal. I know he bought her all sorts of other gifts and kept in touch, so I know he is lying. I am divorcing the bastard and never looking back. And while I do not blame myself, I cannot help but wonder – why me? Why did I not see it? How can I avoid this? I now cannot ever imagine trusting a man again. I cannot even imagine having sex again. The idea is repulsive to me. And scary. And I think I am better off alone, though at the same time terrified because I have never been alone in my life. Any advice out there? This all just happened. I cannot confront my husband yet because a) my lawyers advise against it because we will likely bring it up later as a bargaining chip in my divorce and b) my husband is lying about the affair with the non escort. So if he cannot be honest on that, then imagine him being honest about his affairs with hookers. He has lied to me about EVERYTHING – his fidelity, his finances. It is very painful. And now I am having a hard time getting him to leave our house- He keeps insisting he loves me and cannot leave.

    1. I just got the solid evidence today from the escort.. i called her very nicely, and explained there are so many problems and if he is it will be easier for me to leave for my hearts sake. I was so happy yet heard when she confirmed. But, I know I am not insecure as he always said when i would question his shady ways, money, time. lies lies lies.. I am happy I found this site…. a forum becuase i feel so discusting, discusted by him…he has so many issues. I finally see the light, i too wanted to leave several times, but stayed being reassured things would change, he would work on things……still hiding his prostitution fetish..now i see why he gets off when i say you like f@@@@ this dirty whore.hahahah (all i can do is laugh but item really is sad) i too believe that he is having a more intimant affair. But this hard confirmation is enough for me. I am not going to be like my mom in her marriage to my dad who was a wonderful father horrible husband. Constantly cheating having multiple relationships, my mom is 21 years younger then him, beautifiul…….This is why i think this sight is great THESE MEN BY THIER LIES AND MANIPULATIONS AND TWISTING THINGS, LIKE WE ARE CRAZY AND INSECURE…… IN TURN WE HAVE LOST OUR CONFIDENCE!!!!!!!! I know i did. But now i look at him and see 3 broken families mine will be the third, he has the problem. I do not want my daughter to grow up and think its okay for a man to do this. My mom left my dad later in life. But she was miserable. She does not remember anything fun, becuase inside she was so sad and wanted the confidence to leave. She missed out on so much in life, I realized recently when we returned to beautiful southern california and i was remenissing of all the fun things…. but she was on auto pilot so sad inside. i see myself becoming that…and this is too Much. WHY ARE WE SAYING OR EVEN CONTIMPLATING..WOULD YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TOO…THESE MEN HAVE CONNED AND MANIPULATED US, NOT MAKING US FEEL AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE TWO BID HOES… I KNOW..IN TIME WHEN I HEAL AND GET WHERE I NEED TO BE… I WILL FIND THE RIGHT MAN AND THIS TIME… I AM USING MY BRAIN OVER MY HEART AND SEX. ALL THAT GOES AWAY. IF HE WONT LEAVE..YOU LEAVE…THATS WHAT I HAVE TO DO, WE WERE AT A STALE MATE HE WOULD NOT LEAVE. SO NOW I WILL….HE CAN NO LONGER BE MY PROBLEM AND LETS US WOMEN FOCUS ON WHAT WE NEED… WE CAN GET IT. DONT SETTLE. WE HAVE FOR TOO LONG..SERIOUSLY..

    2. Reading all of your posts, these all sound like my situation. Married over 30years, 12 years ago he had an affair with a co-worker.”It just happened, I could talk to her”. Then I later found websites with him talking to men and arranging hookups and some descriptive messages. Then there were other websites where he joined dating sites men seeking mem, men seeking couples and so on, describing himself as bisexual and that the wife (me) wasn’t interested in a threesome. Picking up prostitutes and bringing back to our beach house. Most recently a transgender escort site! He actually had been meeting her for sex and texting her several times a day, she sent him pictures. I googled her phone number and that is how I discovered that she was a transgendered escort that he apparently pays for! I do not know where he is getting the money. I too do not know what keeps me here. We have lived in separate rooms for the past several years. He won’t leave. Says he loves me and only wants me. I have been so sad and numb. I have seen several therapists all telling me to leave. I make good money so I could leave, I don’t know how to make that move after all of these years. I wish someone would just drag me out of the door and give me a place to live. I am readyb to file for seperation and move out, just wish I would do it already!

      1. I am crying as I read this. I have been involved with a man for about a year now that was separated and going through a divorce. I kept trying to find out how a marriage over 35 years could end. He blamed his “frigid” ex wife. I had doubts….and a bad gut feeling. When I caught him looking at escort ads on Backpage I knew something was wrong. I started to dig and found out he is on multiple hook-up/dating/escort sites. I found a way to get into his accounts. I gave him every opportunity to come clean and he still denied it until i provided the “evidence”. It was like pulling teeth to finally get him to admit to his marriage ending because his ex found out he was using paid escorts. Usually when he worked out of town. And he averaged over one per month for over 5 years. He thinks it has to have been over 50 prostitutes. I feel nauseated. I feel my pain and the pain of his ex. I feel your pain. I am so sorry. 🙁

      2. Hi Como, I Hope this finds you in a better place. I just found out my husband has been paying for sex for years, and we’ve been married for 35 years. I have stuck with him for so long with his other addictions, alcohol, crack, now he’s into prostiutes and gambling he says. We have had a healthy sex life, but over the last few years i haven’t been enjoying it. He just didn’t seem that into me, and I just don’t need it every night, but still do it to appease him….I want to leave, yet it’s so hard to contemplate this after so many years, but I believe I will be better off, even if I stay single for the rest of my life. A life alone with my own truth would be better than living with someone who lies, cheats and steals from me.

        I so wish we could have the life we had been planning for our retirement but I feel like I have to break the cycle and I have to be true to me.

        Take care, my friend!

  26. First of all I am feeling strange but happy to be able to write. I have a beautiful son of 9 years old, been married and in our relationship been on and off for 9 years! My husband goes with prostitutes and he always chooses those ugly ones, low class, how I know I saw all their pictures. I dont know what to do… I feel disgusted, dirty and taken for the lowest person! I confronted him about it and he somehow try to make me feel guilty. He doesnt let me touch his phone not even to make a call! he plays alot with my head… I want to end this but for 9 years havent been able. Everyone says I am very pretty, younger by 13 years, intelligent but somehow feel stuck with him.

    1. My husband also goes for the ugly fat prostitutes, wherever I go I catch myself staring at every woman thinking that my husband would cheat on me for them! My husband is not the sexiest man, I know I can do better, I am told way too much I am beautiful and young I am very fun and outspoken while my husband is complete opposite! But I am so jealous, I can have attention from the sexiest men ever but I don’t care I only want my husbands attention and he would rather give it to a prostitute???! I don’t get it! How have u been able to cope?

    2. I am with you on that…. I saw the pics as well, and I know I am not a dud in bed, I think he needs to be more fun. i guess he gets off on escorts. Same thing with the phone, after i went through phone records he has this app now called cyberdust that leaves no trace of anything cause I will grab his phone when he is sleeping. I cant trust him…. even with mundane things I only find out by his phone. But now he is more sneaky with it. I too feel so disgusted… I was so upset but did not want to flip out on him… so I in not a sound state of mind call a staff member i supervise and told her.. as soon as i did… i regretted it. i am becoming someone i do not like, insecure, nosy, possessive, controlling. If I stay i will be even worse… he can take his two bit hoes…. I intend on doing for me and my daughter, heeling, happy, and finding a man. Cause a part of me always wants to leave him for a lot of reasons, but this now is beyond repair. I know I am a great, beautiful, smart lady who has my stuff together in my life except for him…he is my dead weight. I begged the escort to tell me the truth so i could leave and its all on him. Now i intend to do all the things I have wanted to do but have not been able to with him…i just pray i stay strong and follow through… but i believe i will, he is just to much with little to offer, now even less cause i am discusted, betrayed, lost trust and need to go get a full panel of std checks. I am leaving and what i am thinking of is the hassle of packing staying at someone elses home for a bit, the commute to work…. But he is sucking life out of me. If i stay he is going to continue with his double life and i don’t deserve that.


    Ok. Here is my story. My husband and I have been married for 34 years. After 1 yr of being married he came home with hickey on his neck. I was pregnant and told him I was leaving but he made up a story and I believed him and did not leave. After about 8 years of marriage I found out he had been having sex with someone. He was doing it during lunch and when I was out of town. I had 3 children and didn’t want children to know so I stayed. Life goes on and I’m busy with all kids activities and never bring it up. ( over 26 years, I may have brought it up at most 10 times and it was always in joking way. ( like people ask….how many years have y’all been married…I would respond 32 years and 30 good ones.) we never argue and always do things together, we communicate. I have always wanted peace and not drama. We worked together in family business a lot and that was great. I pretty much ran the household…..took and picked up kids to school…paid all bills, paid taxes. Negotiated insurance rates, cancelled insurance when things were sold…counselor we have gone to….said he has been living I perfect world…and NO. I am not perfect by no means!!! If he wanted to play golf…go hunting…I never complained. In august 2014. I found out he had text someone I knew ( not close friend …even thou she had been to our vacation homes and stayed with her dr. Boyfriend). I confronted him and of course he said I was crazy as he’ll..but finally admitted and said “well I didn’t follow through…she would t meet me and even got upset I asked). I packed up and left…2days later he left on golf trip. While I was at our river home…another friend showed me phone records of neighbor friend( who was in middle of divorce) and his wife was good friend of mine!!!!!!!!!!!!. There were many phone calls between them….I sent him angry text while on golf trip…all he said was wewillwork this out when I get home….when he came home…..he said the phone calls were him confronting her about divorce…I knew in my heart that wasn’t right as she had been wanting the divorce..( she has been married 6 times). Ok…that should have been a flag!!! I know… We’ll.I believed him…and we move on…..I not once brought it up again……we went on with normal life. I took my parents on a cruise for few days manly because he had friend coming to play in golf tournament. He was by himself 2 nights!!! When I came home from cruise…..I saw his ipad laying on table ( now in August crap…he told me I could look in his phone or ipad anytime…..I had never snooped before) in history…in his history..while he was by himself…he looked at 5 craig list ads…and sweet message onlinkedinfrom 2011…I waited 3 weeks because we had friends visiting and had Mexico business trip planned and didn’t want anyone to have bad time… Not once could u tell anything was wrong. Welli confronted him…he said. HELL NO I ha net looked at anything. I told him I had proof….I finally showed him and his response to craiglist ad was ” Well I didn’t follow,through so what’s big deal” then when I showed message from other person, he admitted and came clean….told me he did train the night I saw hickey on neck, the message was a girl he ran into while traveling from our town….1 nt thing..then admitted to being with 2 prostitutes years ago while out of town on business..and admitted that he had been screwing the friend for about 3 months but ended April 2014… She had been playing me. I have left him the moment ( did go back after few days and went to counselor twice and he liked this counselor because she said she wasn’t planning on keeping us going for 2 years.) he went to counselor in August 2014 ordeal 4 times but admitted to lying to her….oh, healso admitted that he looksat porn and masturbates daily and has since probably 16. We have talked trying figure out why??? He said when he was 16 a 22 year old had sex with him all the time….he also admitted to sleeping with so many people ( not while married) it’s mind bobbling. Our counselor gave him number of friend of hers who could help him with sex addiction anonymous…in another town…he could go as he travels for the day…he doesn’t travel overnight but maybe 2 times a month. He has made no effort and it’s been a week.i he,eps saying…you just can’t get over this can u??? I have left and he texts and calls …..I don’t want a divorce..I love u….please..I’ll get help…I know i need help. Oh…..he always over 34 years got sex….maybe not with chains and crazy stuff and last year has been the best for both of us…we enjoy each others company and get along great!!! Does anyone think this marriage can be salvaged? Everything I read says it’s almost impossible for sex addict to stop. I know he lives me and doesn’t want to replace me. He says its like someone on cocaine …..the rush….THANKS FOR READiNG SUCH A LONG POST….HELP….also, I read sex addicts don’t need to refrain from sex while trying to recover…should we maybe date a couple nights a week so he can have sex????

    1. Hi Sandra,
      My husband and I have been married for 35 years, so I relate to that. He has been an alcoholic, drug addict, mostly in recovery but always falling off the wagon. Just this last fall from the wagon, I had suspicions that he may be cheating on me. I’ve asked him many times in the past, but he’s always said no, and I believed him, but this time I snooped. He has been sleeping downstairs in our house because of his latest drinking and drug bout, where he doesn’t come home for a night or two. So I checked his iPad, which had a porn video on it, plus I checked the history and found craigslist too. Checked his pockets and found out that he had a real expensive 2 nights, almost $2,000. So, theni went upstairs to his night table where he kept all his AA stuff, and read some information on his fourth step, and that is where he wrote that he has had sex with many women.

      When he came home I told him I was going to ask him some questions and he better tell me the truth i told him I had proof of the questions i was about to ask. I asked him if he had ever cheated on me, he lied right to my face, i told him again, that i had evidence that he was lying and he said he was not, so then I went and got his fourth step sheets out……he finally fessed up. When I asked how many, he said about half a dozen times, so I said, like half a dozen beer, which actually is usually about 18. He didn’t say anything!

      Problem is since this has happened his brother passed away and he went to the funeral, I could not go, but I brought up some issues tonight, his first night back and he says he’s just too tired he just drove 13 hours to get home. It always in inconvenient. I said…..

      So now, he’s admitted t o being a sex addict and have a gambling addiction, really? My god how many addictions can one person have? I want to ask him which meetings are you going to go to, AA, NA, GA or SA? I’m thinking I’ve given him my best years and I’m really pissed and heartbroken, we just bought a condo in Mexico for our retirement, I despise him so much.

      And you know what, for an almost 60 year old, I’m damn good looking, work out, eat well, and we have sex every night, well until this happened. He’s just a selfish pig, I wish I would have left him 20 years ago…..

  28. On New Years eve my husband received a text around midnight from an unsaved number. I memorized the phone number and Googled it while my husband was sleeping. The number popped up with a prostitutes ad. I was in shock so I returned to his cell phone and texted the number back….I asked who it was and they replied with the same name from the ad. I woke my husband up and confronted him. All he said was he had no idea who it was, he was pale and very nervous so my instincts told me he was lying! He went back to sleep and said not another word! In the morning when he had already left for work he sent me screen shots of him and the prostitute where it looked like a setup conversation. She apologized for texting the wrong number but I knew it was all made up and I continued giving him silent treatment! I thought it had only been texting but within the next month the truth eventually came slowly but after he lied to met about twenty different times! He gave me so many versions of the story and I was so fed up with everything! He first said he was helping out a friend and then he said it was all him, he said it was only text msgs and then he said he went to see her..he said he only gave her money so she could leave him alone and he left and then he said she gave him a handjob then he said he put a condom on and tried to have sex in my truck but it was too uncomfortable and he couldn’t get hard! Day after day week after week there was a new version! To this day he swears he did not have sex! He’s been going to marriage counseling alone and to a psychiatrist. The thing is when our son was a newborn I found phone bill where he was texting a woman for naked pictures! He tells me porn makes him have fantasies and he thiught he could make them real but it was all a failure. Now two years later this happens! All year I thought we were so happy we had such fun night drunken nights crazy wild nights and he was head over heels so in love with me! It doesn’t make sense that he would solicit a prostitute! The guy who cut his hair gave him the number and I guess he was tempted! Just this week I found his computer history and again he was on porn sites, aren’t his classes supposed to prohibit these things, why is he still doing this to me. He continues to lie and I don’t know what to do, we have a two year old son, a beautiful home that is ours, we were planning for more kids, sadly I just went thru a miscarriage I feel so bad but this might’ve happened for a reason, mayb it wasn’t ment to be! I’m so stuck in the middle since my husband helps run my fathers company, I’m worried it will put stress on my parents and my son. Days I say I want a divorce but then theirs days that I can’t stand seeing my husband with another woman! Help any advice please!!

  29. This is horrible. I just got solid evidence that my partner is using an escort. I had a feeling months ago he was with a women becuase his behavior when i called. This man and I are very close, best friends, lovers, (so i thought) and I know his behaviors down pat, and if anything is off, red flags go up. Well months ago he had went out when I was asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and he’s not in bed. I call him no answer… it is about 4 a.m. call and call then he calls me back all graugy saying he is at a mutual friends house, however it was silent in the back ground. I asked him to tell our friend hi, he replied I will do that, I then asked do it now please, he starts fumbling over his words, i start getting suspicious… why would I call so many times and then you call me back. (to remove yourself from a situation) I know the game…then he said my phone is about to die. He hung up. My instincts were screaming bad bad bad. I looked at the phone records and he did not call his friend but a number for a few minutes. I call this number a girl picks up, I am fuming and I ask to speak to my husband she says ahhhhh and hangs up. I am calling his buddy no answer her back no answer my husband straight to voicemail. Mind you he is driving my nice new car, so i text her and tell her “tell him to bring MY car back”. About an hour later he calls from his friends phone and then there is the normal noize and such. He is reassuring me this and that however phone records show a whole different story. Just before we hung up he called his buddy for the first time where he was supposed to be all night and sent several texts. i am assuming for him to cover. When he gets home i say this does not make sense and in his charming manipulative ways twists and turns things to look in his favor. That it was his friends girls phone, his phone was missing. Still suspicious I let it go. Months go by behavior is much more distant and things just are not adding up. I felt like I needed to dig, hes playing me…. i dont deserve this, we have full custody of his two girls I have raised for over seven years plus our own daughter. I decide to reverse the number….. escort!!!!!! I call her and nicely explain I understand what she does and have nothing against it, I just really needed to know please if she was with my husband. I let her know it is because my mind and body know but my heart is in denial and I need solid proof for my foolish heart. After literately begging her in more or less words she comes clean and says yes, and that she will not see him anymore. I told her, by all means don’t do that. You gave me the answer I have needed for months and keep him cause he will just go somewhere else. She was really nice, I was not mad at her at all. I was extremely grateful she was honest and forthcoming with it all. I sat for about 20 mins on how i was going to handle this. Generally I am a hot head. But a calm came over me. I am not going to give him the pleasure to see me lose it. I confronted him as I suspected he denied it all and did not even want to see any correspondence her and i had nailing it home. I have asked him a lot tod.ay to tell me the truth and we can work it out.Not happening. I just want to hear him say it. I gave him until dark and it is almost dark. I love my step children like my own, it will be so hard to leave them. They are why I have stayed this long. But I cant anymore. I am discus ted, betrayed and he keeps looking at me lying like I am a fool. He now seems like a con artist master manipulator. I cant stay….. we are beyond repair. Monogamy is a key player in relationships and honesty and he has not been doing either. I am heartbroken about my bonus kiddos. They had a broken home from his cheating all the time on their mom. Foolish me thinking oh that will never happen to me, we our soul mates! I don’t think he realizes I am really leaving. If i stayed I would be even more into his business to the point where i would not even like myself. i was thinking of leaving recorders, buying a phone tap program..then I decided to call the escort. I got the answers I need. I dont need to be a lunatic stalking him out of insecurity…and if I stayed that is how it would be. I dont want to be that…. sad times…. whats even more puzzling is I am always asking him lets be more freaky have more fun in bed, role play.. and he is so vanilla, I push for more. Now this, ahh he makes me sick. I was curious what he did with his money… now I know…. he’s off tricken money and I am home stressing and paying for all living costs. He also has addiction issues, he is working on.. too much… he is all sorts of messed up, and I cant do it /Advise????

  30. I have been married for 19 years and on our 19 years anniversary I found out my husband was a regular at heaven on earth. This bastard went On our anniversary to this place to meet his bitches who he was seeing for the past 5 years. Wen I found out I went immediately filed for divorce. He the apologized and told many lies after that that it was only 2 and he did not do anything only went for drinks. If you want drinks go to a freaking bar. But no he needed to have drinks with prostitutes whom he did not do anything with well that’s what he says. I pulled his bank statements and found it was not twice it’s been happening for years. I decided not to divorce him but live with him and milk him for all the money he has. U can say I blackmail him I do not want half I want it all. I am not going to leave and he continues living a luxury life spending on his hoes. Currently we live in the same house in seperate rooms. It’s soooo difficult but I’m consumed with so much anger that I cannot bother about him. I loved him once but I don’t think I can ever again. I now live on my terms but still Chk up on him. I am waiting for the chance for him to do it again this time ill tarnish his reputation. U know I have so much of anger that I am unable to cry or get emotional. Every dog has it’s day and I pray that he will see his day as well. I trust in The Lord and hope that he will come crawling on his knees asking for forgiveness.

  31. I’m so grateful to have found your website and read all the other comments. I’ve been married for over 40 years. I never dreamed my husband had hired a prostitute. Our grown son was home for Thanksgiving and the day my son went back to his home, my husband told me he had hired a prostitute 30 YEARS AGO!! I have no idea why in the world he would tell me this after all this time has passed. I’ve agonized over this since the day he told me. I can’t seem to get past it and I can’t seem to heal my shattered heart. Knowing I’m not alone in this type of situation gives me some solace. I’m so sorry to all the women who’ve gone through this type of ordeal. I’m not sure why I’m even commenting on your sight. I should also mention that my husband is mentally ill. He was sexually abused by both parents. Something I didn’t find out until 15 years after we’d been married. TRUST is a very difficult thing to regain when there’s been so much dishonesty. I feel extremely insecure or extremely stupid to stay in this relationship, however, I’ll be 60 yrs old and I feel as if it’s too late for me to start a whole new life. I’m not sure I’d know how to. So, thanks to you all and thank you for allowing me to write some of my thoughts here. Like my mother always told me, this too shall pass, but it sure is taking a bit longer than I’d like.

  32. I thought I was the only one living with this nightmare……….Praying my heart out for God to fix things for me! I also only found out a few months ago. I can show proof of him lying to me on his phone and he still denies it! My husband gives me all the money, however he does private jobs at home and doesn’t always declare the exact amount. Which he then hides in his car and I have found extra cash almost daily. He will say to me, he has a call out at work and I will phone him to ask something, then he never ends the call and I hear everything that is going on in the car. He even denies that and tells me I am going crazy he has never been unfaithful to me. I found condoms in his bike helmet the other day and he says he doesn’t know how they got there!!!! PLEASE!! For heavens sake, I knew his intensions. He would come home from work with his zipper undone on two occasions. He picks up women even on the road and pays them for a bj. I am at the end of my tether, I don’t want to live with this man anymore whom I thought loved me unconditionally. I Dont have a steady income as its not necessary for me to work. What are my rights to kick him out, I do not want to be on the streets. I have a beautiful daughter and 2 step sons, who have no idea of what is going on. I can go on and on about the numbers and black Ladies names which he hides under the rubber by the gears in his car. I can also carry on about his behaviour but the stories above all have a piece of my life in them too. They say, a man will go for a prostitute as their are “no strings attached”. And the wife will never know! All I need now is to catch him in the act! Thank you ever so much for listening and sharing your stories. I will give up looking for things that upset me and carry on with my gym in the evenings. I gave up for a month as this is when he “meets up” with them. This man says he adores me and he does everything I ask. I coersed him into coming with me for HIV testing! Thank the Lord we are both negative!

    1. How are his actions doing ‘everything you ask’?

      Have you had a full panel set of STD tests? HIV is not the only thing you have to worry about and you don’t need his permission to get yourself tested.

      It looks like it is necessary now for you to work in order to get away from him. See an attorney so you know your rights.

    2. Hi I was just wondering what it was you heard on the phone call. As I’ve heard a phone call too and I just wanted to compare because I don’t know if he was getting a prostitute or giving her a ride. I need help. I didn’t hear any sexsual noises that’s why I ask.

  33. My boyfriend of 6 years is picking up hookers! I looked at his bank statement the other day and saw that he withdrew money in the area where the hookers hang out. I knew in the past that he had done this but really thought it was over. He said that he would only get hand jobs from them and hasn’t done it since we have been together. When I found the bank statement, he denied it and said that he just drives thru the area where they are but doesn’t stop. I am so confused and feel so alone here. He doesn’t have women texting him and doesn’t disappear or anything but the hooker thing is enough! He is so attentive and loving to me….I just don’t understand and it makes me feel so worthless! I thought we had a great sex life, I thought we were on the right track. Now I feel lost. I don’t doubt he loves me, but he has a problem, not sure what to do…

  34. I feel so lost and am happy to have found this page. I am happy to know that I am not alone. My boyfriend of six years has been picking up street hookers. He admitted it to me and tried to console me by telling me that he doesn’t have intercourse with him. They just get him off with their hands…I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to believe and I feel worthless and so much is going thru my head like wondering why I am not enough. He knows he is sick and swears that he is working on himself but I don’t believe it! He is the best guy too+ so caring, makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world. Great provider and wonderful to my kids. What is this insanity that he has created???? I don’t get it!

  35. I am so sorry to see more people discovering these deceits. How do you believe ‘just a hand job’ or ‘just a blow job’ or ‘I’m going to get the car washed’ ? That’s the thing. They are liars. Its what they do. They tell you what they think you want to hear. Do things to make you think they care. None of it means anything really though, because they are liars and everything is just an act. There’s the role they play with you, the role they play at work, and the role they play when they pick up a hooker and expose you to disease. I now have herpes from ‘just oral sex’ because I wasn’t ‘affectionate enough’.

    1. I am so sorry that you went thru that! It scares the hell out of me! This is effecting me so much that I can’t stand it! I am depressed and I can’t look at him the same way. I don’t believe anything he says and wonder if he ever loved me at all. Why be with me if he needs this type of stuff??? I have been trying to learn what I can about sex addiction but it all just really freaks me out now. If I stay….it will happen again. I just know it. Right now he is on his best behavior because he has been found out but I know his dirty secret will continue eventually and I just can’t find it in my heart to let my guard down. He talks about his faith in god and how that faith is helping him over come his problem. I feel bad for not believing him. Its just another lie…. So hurt!

  36. I don’t know what to do I believe my husband saw a prostitute 2 weeks ago. I tried to call him and he didn’t answer his phone called me back and I said hello but no answer. Then I heard him say “what’s happening” and “where we go?” Then I heard a woman say “NO! Not here!! Go over there go down the street” then I hear something about $5 and he said “I don’t have money” then she said “well $2 come on you gots to give me something! Girl gots to eat!!” And then I think I heard something like oh come on imma get out right here! Then I don’t hear talking just a lot of noise like something bumping the phone or rubbing on it could have been him moving while driving I’m not sure. Then I hear her ask him how old he is he says “25” and she says “I’m 43” then I hear the car door open because the car dings when you open the door and he says “hey close my door” and the phone hangs up on me. I call him right back and he’s like “hey baby” and I go off I tell him I heard everything. He trys to tell me I didn’t hear anything and I’m crazy. By the time he gets home he says he only gave her a ride. And that he didn’t do anything with her. And that she had asked if he wanted business but he told her no he didn’t want trouble with the cops. I never heard that or hear her ask for a ride or hear her tell him where she wanted to go cause he said he took her somewhere that’s about 15 – 20 mins from where he picked her up from. That is about how long I heard her in the car though about 20- 25 mins.

    I’m so confused I love him and I want to believe him but these thoughts are always in my head now and I keep going over it and I can’t believe him.

    I’ve found porn in his phone. Hes been on backpage looked at “escorts” and he use to have the numbers to 2 women that I know for a fact are prostitutes. All of this leads be to believe what I heard is what I know it was.

    We have 2 children and I’m 5months pregnant with our 3rd. I don’t know if he could really do this to me. I’m so lost and confused. Please someone tell me what they think.

    1. You said you don’t know if he could really do this to you, but it sounds like it’s been done. Really, is he paying to give some random woman a drive? And of course he denying it and telling you you’re crazy because who the hell is going to admit to their wife, the mother of his children, that he is picking up and bargaining with $5 prostitutes?

      I get that you love him. You have a family together with another child on the way. It’s supposed to be a wonderful time in your marriage so it’s incredibly hard to get your head around your discovery. But, your husband is living a double life at the risk and expense of you and your children.
      Given your vulnerable situation, rally as much support as possible. Is there family you can go to?
      If your husband is willing to get help, I would highly recommend a polygraph so that you know exactly what you’re up against. I went through staggered disclosure which in my opinion was far more traumatizing than my initial discoveries as he kept telling me it was “the truth”.
      Speak with your doctor and if possible, a reputable therapist or coach that specializes in partner trauma as you especially have to be mindful of stress due to your pregnancy.
      Please keep reaching out and keep us updated.

  37. I’m so sorry Linda. That’s so hard being pregnant with little kids. Believe yourself. These guys are experts at lying.
    Also, he just picks up random hookers and gives them car rides? Really?!

  38. I know I sound stupid. I just never thought he would do something like that but I guess I just don’t want to loose my family. I don’t know what to think.

  39. I was shocked to see so many women broken-hearted by men that see prostitutes. On Monday, my husband left the house while I was sleeping. I woke up and checked his email only to find he has been picking up women from various websites and paying for sex while he works out of town. He has given his phone number, offered cash and told them which hotel he is at – offering to pick them up or they can come to him. He even went so far to tell one “lady” that if she couldn’t meet him last Friday, he would be back on Tuesday if she wanted to “play” (he was home with his family until Tuesday). This explains why I sit here right now in pain down below embarrassed to go to the hospital. Why I sat at the dr’s Tuesday being tested for various STD’s. Why I must wait 2 months to find out if I have HIV.My son is so angry because he worshiped this man. They texted constantly and now this man has just disappeared from his life. He wanted to be just like him. This man has hurt so many people yet he continues to deny everything – even though i have some of the emails – which are explicit and disgusting. I called a counselor tonight as I really felt I was losing my mind and will physically go to one on Wednesday as well as a lawyer. I don’t want to take anything from this man, but I am penniless and it has come down to fighting to ensure we can eat and live. This is sick and wrong and there is no excuse. They hurt so many people and the kids are innocent. I understand addiction, but it does not mean they get a hall pass from hurting people. They are adults and know better. They make a choice and I wouldn’t say they choose their family. We are better off without them. They are weak and sick. As far as I am concerned our life was a lie.

    1. So sorry for your son, Lisa. I know how you feel about your life being a lie. My husband has been addicted to hookers for the last 8 months of our marriage. I have found so much evidence of his affairs…. went through his emails, found him on sugar daddy websites, even a site called whatsyourprice.com. I gained access to them and was devastated to see what he was really doing while telling me lies, lies, lies. He is a sick man, and I don’t think he will get better. I have zero respect for him and he is so repulsive to me now. I can’t even look into his eyes. They look dead to me, no soul. I don’t know what went wrong in our marriage, but he used to be a wonderful man. I filed for divorce 3 weeks ago, best decision I ever made. I am embarrassed and ashamed of him. The pain he caused me will probably never go away, and will most likely make me never trust another man. I wish I never met him….

      1. How did you gain access to his accounts? My husband is doing the same thing and I’ve been trying to figure out how to see what on his site. I’m so ew to all this it makes me sick. I don’t understand how they can do this…. I’ve been a very good wife to him probably too good.

  40. Hello Ladies…..

    I’m happy that I found this site and sit here crying while I read your stories. It’s difficult to put all of my thoughts into a paragraph. Let me start by saying that I WISH I would have trusted my first instinct. Secondly, I found out that this disgusting man was using street whores because our iphones are synced and this guy sent my husband a message on FB asking him what he was doing picking up hookers. Sent my husband pics of his car because there are people in his neighborhood who started a FB page to get whores out of their area!!!!!!
    Let me tell you this….I was ALMOST convinced by him that it was not him and he has a personalized plate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, with that being said……I went to my OB and got checked for all diseases. Talked to my OB and she had asked if I read a book called “The Wizard of OZ and other Narcissists.” So, I purchased the book and was crying by page 31. It took this filthy man whom I devoted 13 years of my life to 6 days to tell me the truth.
    He has been using whores since his late 20’s ladies. I’m 40 and he is 60. What I find even more puzzling is the fact that I knew that something was not right but never thought a man that is 20 years older than me would use dirty whores. Betrayed? YEP!!!! Hurt, angry, alone, frustrated, missing him……..YEP. All of the above.
    Now….on to the important stuff. I read a comment from a lady that used the word SOCIOPATH. Which brings me to this very point……Mine is a certified Sociopath, Narcissist, HYPERSEXUAL Bi-Polar disorder, and a few other things. It’s not just whores he uses. He has had several one night stands. A SOCIOPATH (he is a covert Narcissist) will make you believe that the yellow shirt you are wearing is RED.I AM a Codependent and think that I can fix anything. A Narcissist will use you in small amounts and will adapt to their surroundings. This is not to say every cheater is a Narcissist. I am simply telling you what I have found.
    I am still having problems accepting that an individual with a Hypersexual Disorder does not or can claim that they do not know why they do what they do. Mine pulled that same bullshit story. “It’s not sex, just oral sex.” AS if his actions are not wrong due to the fact that no penetration is involved.
    Now…….Let me tell you what else I have read and learned so far. Excessive masterbation, porn fettish, chat rooms, etc….are signs that something is, indeed, wrong. Mine is only sorry because he has been caught in broad daylight, with a car that has personalized plates, with the filthiest whore you can ever imagine.
    My OB brought things to my attention because was faced with her husband cheating on her. My ex watched me hit the floor, sobbing, and asking “why” without shedding a tear. He told me that he picked her up because she was crying. Try that excuse on for size ladies.
    I found all of this out on October 10, 2016 ladies. He picked up his whore at 4:06 p.m. and was home by 4:57 p.m. liking a post on FB. I was home by 6:30 pm and he smiled in my face.
    To make matters worse………I was soooooo in love with this dirty pig. It gets better……He has financially ruined us. I paid his equity loan that he took out and blew on whatever he wanted, utilities, taxes, phone bill, sewer bill and cable bill. That’s how utterly stupid I was.
    I’ve asked myself “why” a million times and then I asked my OB if she thought that men like this ever change? Her response was “I don’t think so, men who have this or many disorders of this sort, have no empthany, and are empty on the inside.” You CANNOT learn empthany as 60 years old!!!!
    Do I want to salvage this? My heart says “do it!” But I truly know that this man has manipulated every emotion I have. I have loss all self-worth and myself in the process. I gave up my friends, family, and I am paying the price for it now. If you are considering going back to him, please figure out what deeper-seeded issues he has before going back to the relationship. A Narcissist will take everything you have. If this is all I was dealing with, there may have been a chance to fix the relationship.
    Also, I look back now and everything is falling like dominoes. I cannot tell you how many times we would be watching a show and he would talk about how the man or woman not knowing that their partner was cheating. How easy it was to spot that the man was using whores. He would go as far as to say how disgusting it was that men used whores and that he would NEVER do that. Am I ashamed? Of course I am. Who will want a 40 year old woman who slept with a man who uses crack whores? All I think is “OMG, I am THAT woman on the Maury show!”
    Mine went as far to tell me that if it made me feel better that the whore would not allow him to finish in her mouth. Ready for more? I washed his filthy clothes with mine the very next day. The “specialists” can call his disorder “Hypersexual, bi-polar, whatever…….” He knew what he was doing when he went for his “usual drive” to his usual area. I wish I had more time to tell you all the rest. I DO know this……………I NEED to fix me now. I am praying that this therapist can help me from thinking that I need to stand by this mans side.
    Frankly, I’m tired of asking “why” and I’m not so sure I want to understand this “illness.” If I understand this (even for a second) then I am like them. I don’t want to understand or excuse his behavior, or make excuses for his childhood, or never feeling loved…I tried to love this man so much that I thought it would be enough.
    Please read the book, or read about Sciopaths, or Hypersexuality, or see someone and educate yourself. I am trying and it is difficult beyond words. He said that he did this a year ago as well but couldn’t go through with it due to his conscience. It had nothing to do with conscience. It was due to his ED. I think GOD that someone was looking out for me on October 10, 2016 when I found out that he went through with this. This SOCIOPATH would have continued to tell me how much he loved me and we would still be having sex and I’d probably be finding out that II have HIV or something else…………………………..

  41. At this point, I’m not sure what to believe. I have been married for 32 years, and over the years have had red flags that made me wonder but never proof positive. There was unaccounted for money over the years. There were the times when I thought he had gone to strip clubs instead of business meetings. There were business trips where he was out of his hotel room until very late, time unaccounted for, and acted very bizarre when he came home…too many showeres, obviously afraid to have sex with me, strange new positions when having sex, etc. There was the time that he told me that he did not get a Christmas bonus, and when I found out that he had gotten a bonus, several months later, the money was already gone. And then the porn, porn…and more porn. Porn rentals, porn purchases…finding out he had viewed porn at work, and late nights at home. When I question him, he admits to being a porn addict but nothing more. He has since gotten some help with the porn addiction for fear of losing his job…I don’t think that I figure into his reasons for quitting porn at all. So anyway…I have repeatedly asked him if there is more to tell me about than the porn addiction. I’ve told him that I wouldn’t be shocked because porn & sex addiction has a tendency to go hand in hand. But, no matter what I say, or how I question him, his response is always the same. My husband tells me, “I was addicted to porn, nothing more. I NEVER cheated on you.” So, I don’t know what to believe or how to handle it. He became very forthcoming about the porn addiction but that’s as far as he goes in his admissions. I don’t know whether to believe him or not. The only thing I ever discovered was porn. All of my other thoughts pertaining to him possibly cheating are just thoughts and speculations…When I press my husband on the issue, he becomes adament that he never crossed the line. So, I don’t know.

    1. Jeanie, my husband and I had these same conversations as you. He admitted to porn, but nothing else. It wasn’t until I started doing detective work and going through his computer (I guessed his password was 6969 and I was right!) when he was asleep and his briefcase, that I found some phone numbers with no names. I called them while he was at work and it turned out to be “escort” services for many different states. I confronted him and told him I would hire a detective and divorce him if he didn’t tell me everything. Turns out, he had been seeing prostitutes since the second year of our marriage. Fast forward 12 years and I’m devastated. He admitted further to strip clubs, porn, porn, and more porn, swingers clubs, 3some groups on Craigslist, etc. He spent his bonus and Christmas money over the years and told me he never got one. We NEVER had a family vacation in 14 years! I thought we were broke! So it did turn out after he swore to me that there was nothing else, that there actually was a whole hell of a lot more than what he admitted to. My therapist said there’s always a lot more they’re not telling you and that 99% of sex addicts don’t stop. That was a good enough number for me! I got a lawyer last month and am filing for divorce after 17 years together. I’ve also asked the court for him to have limited contact with our 13 year old daughter for visitation until he get’s some help, which he agreed. I don’t think he’d touch our daughter, but I now say “never say never”.

    2. One word: polygraph. It absolutely saved my marriage, as the just the threat of it made my husband spill almost everything. The actual test (which he failed) forced the rest out. He’s now passed a second polygraph. He’s also in 12-step (as am I), group therapy for sex addicts, and together we go to a couples’ therapist. I do believe sex addicts can stop, and I also believe that my marriage has a chance of surviving.

  42. Been there…done that…have the commemorative t-shirt. Mine cheated with prostitutes and no matter how many times he cried and promised to stop, he never will. The one woman who spoke nicely to her husband’s escort is on the right track. These woman don’t want your husband….if he left you and proposed marriage to them they would run the other way. She is right…if it wasn’t this escort, it would be another.
    If your husband does this, here is what you need to do; If you are independetly financially stable…collect evidence of his infidelity, get a divorce lawyer, and dump him immediately. If, like me, you were are not able to support your family without his income, sock away as much money as you can….get yourself a job that can support you…and then dump his ass. Once they start they never stop. It has nothing to do you with you and everything to do with some kind of sick need for validation of his masculinity. My husband went through half a million bucks on this little “hobby” of his. Check out “The Erotic Review” and you will see what this world is like.
    This will not get better. Save yourselves.

    1. OMG, I recently found out that my husband has an account on SeekingArrangement.com, in which I was able to access and find out that he has been sleeping with nothing but black hookers (we’re white) for the last 8 months. There were 75 pages of messages back and forth to these women. It was an obsession with him apparently, and some of the content was disgusting, to say the least. I am beyond devastated, as I feel like I wasted 15 years with this man. He has a sickness, a sex addiction and is a complete sociopath. I confronted him many times with suspicions and all he can do is deny it and make me feel like I am crazy. I called a few of his whores and got details. The money he spent is outrageous. He doesn’t even use condoms! I contracted a bacterial infection from him and had to be on antibiotics. I filed for divorce 3 weeks ago, and am absolutely disgusted I ever loved a man capable of his behavior. I don’t think it gets better, but only worse. I am glad to get him out of my life, and just pray he didn’t give me a serious disease.

  43. So, a year ago I found out my husband was online dating, seeing prostititues, posting his penis on Craigslist…the list goes on. He denied everything of course..said it was spam…and I believed him..for the most part. What I believed was he was that sick pervert, but he had quit. I believed it because I wanted to. I believed it because I loved him with all my heart. I believed him for my children. I believed him for a million reasons. I was diagnosed with Herpes yesterday. There is no changing that. I have Herpes. From the man who says I am his everything. The man that loves me so much. I have Herpes. No what? I leave the man I’ve loved the most. The man who is so broken right now because he hurt me. Of course. I have been looking everywhere for something I can afford and what I realize is that I am leaving him. He will be fine. I won’t be. He keeps the house. He has the money. He will continue to infect people with God knows what he has. Herpes is just the one we know. What I also know is this is completely my fault. I continued to sleep with a man I knew had betrayed me with disgusting women. I participated in this. Not only do I love/hate this man. I love hate myself. And am embarassed and ashamed. The dream of finding someone else and living happily ever after is gone. I could never do this to another person. Please be stronger than I am and leave these men before they give you something they can’t take back.

  44. I have been married for 17 years and I just found out that my husband has been seeing prostitutes. I found out when I was doing the laundry and saw lipstick on his undershirt located at the bottom of the shirt by his genitals. When I confronted him about it he swore he didn’t know what it was until I tormented him and he came clean. I told him that I had noticed he was withdrawing way too much money out of the account in way too little time and he said he couldn’t understand where the money was going. “Must be the economy”. But now I put two and two together and that’s where the money is going (which he admitted to also).

    I just found this out today and I just don’t know what to do. I still love him, but at this point, I don’t want him to touch me as I feel he is skeevey and dirty and I don’t want him in my bed. Are there any help groups in the Brooklyn, New York area for spouses who are going through this horrible ordeal? I don’t know how much longer I can live with him.

    1. Update from Janice: Since I first wrote my post, my husband and I have been seeing a counselor and I feel our relationship is better but not that much. He not only was soliciting prostitutes, but got heavily addicted to MILF porn and masturbation MILF means Mothers I Like to F_ _ k. He always liked older women. He has been attending OA, meetings for an eating disorder and has joined a sex addicts fellowship (SAA) where they meet once a week. He seems to be getting better, but there is still a very big problem between us — TRUST. Once a person is caught up in an addiction, they can always fall back. PLUS, every time I see a pretty, older woman (a MILF in his eyes), I look at him and I can see the lust in his eyes plus I can picture the dirty thoughts going through his head. We saw a movie today with an actress who is 45 years old and gorgeous. Right away, I felt very uncomfortable. I told him I was uncomfortable, but he paid it no mind. I managed to get through a quarter of the movie until she started to take her shirt off. Then I got up and walked out of the room. I told him to have fun getting his rocks off and right away he turned the movie off and said he is trying to train his brain to become sober again (which is what they teach him in SAA). I was too upset at that point and (stupidly) told him to keep watching it because I knew that was what he wanted. He said “no” and put another show on. So I feel he is really trying to help us and himself, only I still don’t have that trust in him after six months in counseling and don’t know if I will ever get it back. But I can see how hard he’s trying and I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. It’s just so damn hard.

  45. Hello, I just left my boyfriend of two years a month ago. It hurts like hell. I found out about him sleeping with prostitutes a year in the relationship. He apologized and allowed me to put a tracker on his phone and set up a blockage to prevent him from going to backpage.com. after all of that i still didn’t trust him. 90% of our arguments was me accusing him or me catching him in some type of lie. We took a two day break then when I came home, I checked his GPS and seen he went to 5 different hotels. I called his mother and told her everything. I’m thinking I need counseling because I still love him, but how can I love someone who lies, sneaks and sleeps with escorts. We have a 9 m old beautiful girl, it sucks this relationship didn’t work out. Now he’s trying to make excuses on what I did wrong, maybe he’s trying to justify wht he did. He said he’s going to counseling, and he admitted this addiction has been going on for 14 years. I caught clymadia while I was pregnant and he still swears up and down he doesn’t know where it came from. I know I deserve better than this. I sometimes think about the next girlfriend he gets, she’s going to think he’s so perfect till she open her eyes and see the real him. I know time heals all, I just don’t understand why me.

    1. Hi Kim, my husband has just dropped a huge bombshell that he’s slept with prostitutes before we married. We’ve only been married 3 months but together 10 years. My world has fallen apart. We really did have a perfect relationship and the wedding was the icing on the cake. He wants to make it work and is really remourceful. He’s offered to do a lie detector to prove it only happened on 3 occasions, the last being 4 years ago but is there any hope?

      1. Dear Shocked New Wife. I knew my husband had been with prostitutes before we married, but our sex was so good and our relationship mind blowing! I figured he was so happy, and well sexed. Boy was I wrong. Here’s the short story. When I found out he really never stopped was 2 1/2 years into our marriage. He had them in town and all over the country when he traveled. I kicked him out. He said I was the one to blame for all of it. He filed for divorce and then begged for me to take him back for the sake of our young son. Reluctantly, I did. That was 5 years into our marriage. It is now 2017 and we have been married for 11 years. Just found out today, he had two more prostitutes last week while he was in Atlanta. I have never trusted him. I am not stupid. Of course he has never stopped hiring prostitutes the entire time we have been married. Our son is now 10. So, what will I do? Well, I am not sure. What I do know, is that leopards never change their spots. I wish you the best. I hope he will be good and faithful to you.

  46. Wow. Some of your stories are my story. In January I went for a gynecological exam and found out I have an STD. I couldn’t believe it. I confronted my husband when he got home. He said it was just a one night stand with a woman he picked up in a hotel bar while on business. It turns out (after 6 days of him progressively telling me more) that he’s been seeing prostitutes when he goes out of town for work and that it’s been going on for 12 of our 14 years of marriage. He also admitted to porn, strip clubs, threesome ads on Craigslist, swinger clubs, etc. I looked on his computer while he ran to the store and found a naked picture of him with his penis but no headshot, that he had posted as an ad on Craigslist! I ended up needing surgery for my STD because I’d had it for years and thought it was itchy hemmoroids all that time. I have since found tons of porn DVD’s, websites, chat rooms, that he had listed on a piece of paper with phone numbers that had no names attached. It turned out to be escort services in different states for when he traveled out of town. He also had his relationship status as “single” when I accessed that too through his computer. He left his password sheet in his briefcase and I looked one night when he was asleep. It turns out his password is “6969” which is a sex position. I’m so disgusted, shocked, sad, angry, hurt, etc. The worst part is that our teenage daughter found out and now she hates him for hurting me (she’s seen and heard me crying) and for what he did. I took our daughter and moved out and got our own place together. I also got a lawyer and have filed for divorce. He has been decent enough to give me “alimony and child support” money each month since. He also agreed to give me 50%of his income in the divorce. I’m lucky there, but nothing can make up for the devastation and tearing apart of our family. I was totally clueless until last November when I started to suspect something strange was going on. He was different when he came home from business trips. His eyes seemed empty and he seemed to lose interest in sex over the years, and me. He would pull his screen down on his laptop whenever myself or our daughter would walk by, saying he was doing “work”. I have asked the courts to limit the visitation time with our daughter for now, since she is only 13 and I’m afraid he might turn to her, as I’ve heard it can happen. Since my dad molested me at 13, I’m very leary. I am now in therapy and have been told I’m codependent. Whatever label they want to put on it, it’s not my fault he is this way. My therapist said 99% of these men (and women) never change. That was enough for me! Now I’m working on rebuilding my life and trying to figure out who I am, what my likes are, etc. I’ve been so wrapped up in the marriage and raising a special needs child, that I let myself go. It’s a very uncertain and scary future, but it’s got to be better than this!

    1. Good for you Angela! If just found out a few days ago tha t y husband admits to paying for prostitutes, he also has many other issues, alcohol, crack, cocaine and now he has admitted to sex and gambling, I’ve given him 35 years of my life and I’m just so hurt! I’m happy for you that you are in the next stage of your life and I hope you are better. I’ve still got a lot to go through!

  47. If a man has one affair, comes to you in remorse, and takes accountability for his actions and your pain, and takes the steps to find help for himsself, there may be hope. Often remorse is given only to buy time until the next opportunity to come along. If he gives you free rein to check on his whereabouts 24/7 until trust is regained, again there may be hope, It he is a serial cheater or sex addict, he may relapse even while working on his issues – are you willing to give another 3 possibly painful years of your life to see if it all works out?
    otherwise, be brave, and free yourself from the pain you continue to live with by leaving. I discovered my husband of 17 years was living a double life.in December 2015, To this day I slip in and out of denial – that my dear “sweet” husband actually did this to us and our marriage. He experienced sexual anorexia, where he could not get it up with me his wife – refused to get help together, and assured me many happy couples live in sexless marriages. When my world came crashing down, he assured me that it was just blow jobs once a month, leave $250 on the counter on the way out.(minimization) He then blamed his cheating on me (for “making” him move to our current city) and the damn cell phone and the damn internet (no personal accountability – the electronics did all this) He indicated the cheating had only been going on the past year. He also considered the last prostitute an “affair” and had seen her 13 times including 3 overnight sessions. I spent many hours researching how he did it. (2 hour lunches, weekends when I visited my family, on his way into work on the weekends, whenever I had a wedding shower or baby shower for someone at work. I pored through the cell phone online records,, I discovered his monthly sex activity EXCEL spreadsheets, which listed out 62 encounters with men, women, bi sexuals, she males and aggressive females (strap ons) over a SIX year period He recorded free sessions, as well as the $16,000 he stole from his mothers bank account to pay them. Long story short – seamless liar, little to no remorse, he considers himself a sex addict, but wants to continue. What a waste of a marriage and a life – no, I am no longer with him. I left a month and a half ago, leaving him to self destruct. We can do better than this ladies – we have it in us to thrive! All the best to you all on your journies!

  48. Yes, it was all very painful – still is. The discoveries just went on and on…..wasn’t just blow jobs..he had gone to our mutual physician for Viagra…discovering thousands of texts to escorts looking for full action, golden showers, fisting, pegging, Greek…and on and on….finding underwear under the front seat of my car….flavored condoms… one of the prostitutes calling his cell phone and calling me a “cunt” when I answered…his insensitivity in offering to find me a gigolo. And all the while confusing the situation by bringing home gifts and continuing to call me sweetheart and dear and telling me he still loved me. (although I asked him to stop all that-he had to be in control and continue to try and keep his narcissistic supply going awhile longer) Thank God I didn’t prolong that hellish existence by staying any longer….I have insisted on 3 months NO CONTACT until we have to meet and finalize financial affairs. I am on the road to healing now, and looking forward to a better future.

  49. I think all of you are amazing and I am so happy to have found this website. I am finally at the point where his actions make me physically sick.. I get it that he is sick, but honestly I just don’t care. The damage he has done to our family is unforgivable. It would be different if he admitted that he was sick or he tried to change, but it’s just gotten worse. Every single time I look at his tablet or his cell phone there is more. He is on so many different dating sites or cheating sites or just hooking up with people through Facebook. It’s disgusting. When we are out he is staring at girls in their teens and I am embarrassed and humiliated (he’s 46) My friends have stuck by me, but I know they think I am weak that I stayed for a year as I’m sure my kids do. He works out of town and has invited me out but I don’t want to meet anyone he works with because I don’t want to see their pity. His behavior is disgusting in public. My doctor has asked me to wait 3 months before I go back to see him as this man has already given me herpes. I pray to God that he hasn’t given me anything else. I have wished a million times that I left when I found out..please don’t make the same mistake I did. They will not change. They are sick and will hurt you…

    1. I have been there but I turned the table, basically I have logged to his whatsap account by mistake and found a voice message sent to his friend telling him that he’s always likes prostitutes, I was shocked I didn’t know what to do first but I thought to myself just lets be calm and not call him and wait because if I call him and start asking he will have enough time to think what to say when he gets home, so I waited but I was crying all the time until I thought if I tell him when he gets home what will I gain I have been with him for 21 years with to children (20 y 18 y ) he will either say it was a joke and I’m crazy or he will do it anyhow and ignore me.
      So I thought I will not tell him anything and continue spying on him and at the same time I will give a taste of his own medicine not by cheating on him of course I’m not that cheap but by making him think that I’m cheating and punish him every time he comes and accuse me of doing something wrong
      First I started to look after myself everyday and when I leave the house I make sure that I put on very sexy underwear and nice makeup
      I drove him crazy he started to notice and calling my mobile every half an hour I even don’t answer him sometimes I was so happy when I look at my phone ringing and he was calling and I don’t pick up, he even started to come home suddenly to check on me taking my mobile and check it was so funny when I get angry at him and tell him why are you doing that only cheaters think your way.
      In the end he was so busy making sure I’m not cheating on him than cheat himself and got the message that karma always there hunting you.

  50. I am so amazed to see how many ladies are looking to find answers to find advise I am glad I found this page. My husband and I have been married for almost two years we have two handsome boys one from my previous relationship he is 7 and one of our own he is 1. My husband is 32 years old I am 27 our dating relationship was for about a year I fell deeply in love and decided to get married he had never been martied in the past he was romantic,loving,respectfuland most of all, what meant the most for me is that he was wonderful to my son from a previous marriage.

    Before marrying him I asked him to please be honest with me that I needed to be sure what he really wanted I mean he proposed in front of my family in one of our get togethers. He knew my past he knew my first marriage lasted two years because my ex cheated on me with several women and I couldn’t forgive him. He knew I gave a second relationship a chance and then left because this guy was a drug addict that didn’t want to change and I couldn’t have that around my son. He has been an amazing husband loving, respectful, an excellent father to both of my children, he doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t drink, he is never out with his buddies he always wants to spend his time with us going to the movies out to eat I always brag to people about how perfect he is and how happy I am. Even my parents love him.

    Things seemed to be perfect he was my dream come true until now’ the day before my baby’s first birthday. I have found history on his phone were he was looking at transgender porn titled ‘shemale’. One of the happiest days of my life became the most miserable he was also searching through backpage website looking for escorts offering sex in our area. I broke down when I saw all this I wanted to think this was not true but deep down I knew it was. As painful as it was I talked to him and he denied it I told him I had proof and it was better if he just admitted it it would make things better if he was honest than if he lied and I knew he was lying. He admitted to having only one sexual encounter in the past with a shemale.

    He states it was before our marriage and he only received oral sex. A friend convinsed him that shemales were great at oral he went for anal oral. Never through our sexual relationship did he ask me to do that for him never did he ask to penetrate me anally. When our relationship started I told him I am willing to make sex great for you but never ask me to penetrate me through the back.

    During confrontation I told him I saw on the call record where he called these numbers, he said he did but he never went to his encounter that he told himself what are you doing you have a family. He insists he is not gay and he has never been penetrated or anything else he says it was only oral in the anal area also. the porn he was looking at involved penetration I mean it was disgusting.

    He is in tears begging for my forgiveness stating he loves me and we are his everything he says he has now put that behind because we mean alot more to him and he will never be into that again he insist he never cheated on me physically that he never had an encounter during our marriage. I told him I suspected in the past an hired a detective that tracked down his phone and followed him everywhere that I am just gathering the money because it is a lot so he can give me all the info on him. He says he is willing to give me the money because he is sure he never had an encounter but to me even if he was saying the truth about not cheating physicaly he as very close. If I would of waited just a bit more without confronting him he would have done it, that I have no doubt about even if he says no.

    I want to forgive him so bad and give it a try because I love him and because he has been so good to me and my boys but I feel if I stay in this relationship it is for my family and for the love I feel for him and because I don’t want to loose the man that made me happy and seemed to be perfect.

    The issue here is that I can not accept it if I was open minded about his sexual attractions maybe it could work out but just the thought makes me sick. I feel if I give my relationship a try it is not going to work because I am never going to be ok with the other side of him the thought of what he may do behind my back will always bother me just the simple thought of seeing his penis brings that horrible thought to my mind I mean he has been with a man and enjoyed it even if he says it looked like a girl he knew it wasn’t a girl, it was a man because this person had a penis.

    What hurts me more is him not being honest when I asked why did you look at that type of porn and why were you tempted to seeing a shemale again? His answer was I dont know it was just a bad moment a bad temptation I am a human being I am not perfect so I said if you wanted to return it’s because you enjoyed it and you watched that porn because it turned you on. Did that porn turn you on? His answer is no I dont know why I did it I am not gay. Obviously he is lying straight in my face so what can I expect if I give this relationship a try he states he’s willing to go to therapy go to church and get help so we can both overcome this.

    The truth is I don’t think I can ever overcome this So I feel its just best for us to end our relationship now rather than getting his and my hopes up and then it will be more painful down the road for both of us because I believe right now he is making promises because of how scared he is to lose us but down the road I think those temptations will be coming back to him. I can not trust him anymore if I stayed I would constantly be checking his phone and probably be rude and ugly to him I can not fake and pretend everything is ok…. but their is that other side of me that tells me to at least try to think of all the good things he has done for us and to know that I at least I tried for my children. I hate having so many mixed emotions, they constantly change from sad to angry, confused, sometimes I love him sometimes I hate him… Most of the stories I read were women have gave their husband a chance have failed is mine going to be the same way…. ladies please share your thoughts with me.

  51. Wow I’m speechless I was thinking who in hell lays up with a hooker but I know I not alone. My husband and I have been married 2 1/2 years have been back together for 5 years after dating for a year over 10 years ago. This man was/is my best friend. He does construction and works out of town and we see eachother once a month and holidays while he working and then get a straight 2 to 3 months in between jobs. He’s been doing this type of work for 16 years. His previous relationship was with a total scum bag WHORE who I’ve known personally and he contracted herpes from her but didn’t start showing symptoms until about 6months into our relationship. Fast forward 3years later I found out I was pregnant and he freaked out and told me he had herpes and was scared to tell me but knew since I was pregnant I should know. We were a month away from our wedding day and I loved him unconditionally I forgave him. A week later I lost the baby and found out I had chlamydia. I called him and went completely off he swore he wasn’t sleeping around and that he must have had it from the whore ex. I let it go and we continue to live the American dream. PERFECT marriage. We started trying for a baby and nothing happens, contracted herpes a year later trying for a baby. I finally went to doctors found out my tubes were blocked and that we would have to do IVF. did all testing then decided to go to Greece to have it done. Sent them our tests and found out 3days ago that he had antibodies for HEPATITIS B. He’s out of town but I lost my shit calling and texting about him cheating and he says he got it from the gym I’m like that’s not how it works dumb ass!! Then I start questioning the chlamydia. The next day he comes out and says he got a BJ from a girl he met a hotel he was saying at. Lol once again thas not how you get it dumb ass!! the clinic in Greece wanted me to have a PAP done so I had gone the week before and got std tested as well just because, total fluke we had both been test 2 months before hence the HEP B results. Sooooo that day after shit hit the fan (2 days ago) the doctor calls me and tells me I have trichomoniasis!!!! He finally admits to being with hookers off and on for the last 7 years!!!!! He is begging me not to leave. He has a problem and this has all opened his eyes. Says we can get joint bank account to track spending. Has added me to app that tracks his every movement. Says will get polygraph test every 6 months and will change profession so he won’t have to travel anymore. Will seek professional help Begging me for another chance. He says that it was so addicting and that it was a kinda what I don’t know won’t hurt thing. But now that it’s exposed and he is confronted with my pain he will never do it again and will do whatever I need him to do to. I never knew anything was wrong I always thought we were perfect, this is the happiest I have ever been in my life!!!!! I’m sooo torn about staying. I love him so much and I was so happy and I feel he is completely sincere but I think there a lot more to it than “I won’t do it again” he needs serious addiction help. he’s coming home next week so that we can go to marriage counseling and sex addiction treatment. I’ll keep you ladies updated. Stay strong whether you stay or tell him kick rocks.

  52. Reading all this and I can’t believe it is this common. I knew my husband used escorts in earlier life. He swore to me that he stopped once we were married. When I was pregnant with my second child, I found out he had been regularly seeing an escort. I was devastated, but he said he promised to be done. Fast forward 7 years later, and I inadvertently found proof that he saw someone in November. He’s a dummy as I pay our bills and there was a $300 charge to Shannon via some cash app. Not hard to figure out. I confronted him and he admitted to it, along with never stopping. We’ve been married for 14 years, have 3 kids, and relatively happy. I guess I feel like an idiot for believing he would ever stop when there have been so many occasions. I’m a “always see the good in people” kind of person and believe in forgiveness and second chances. But boy do I feel stupid. And angry. And sad that he is willing to do this crap knowing the impact it will have on our family. We both came from broken homes and know the impact it can have on kids. Maybe that’s why he continued to do it…because he knows I’d do whatever to keep our family together for that reason along. I feel weak, when I’m generally a strong person. I’ve got a career, volunteer in our community, and help others all the time. People would be shocked if we split up. I can’t even see it happening at this point as I guess I’m in denial. Which is why I feel weak. Would I ever want this happening to my daughter? No. How can I be a good role model and stay? Why am I so scared to leave? I guess because I’m afraid the consequences of divorce scare more than what staying is doing to me. I feel like I’m strong enough to deal with this storm and push through with a smile until my kids are older and out of the house and in healthy relationships? Am I crazy for feeling this? I certainly feel crazy. I have moments of extreme sadness when no one is home and I cry about it. I look at pictures of happier times and wonder if he just screwed someone else around that time. Probably. I’m so confused and hurt and my judgment feels so clouded by my thoughts around life without him.

    Thank you for sharing your stories and making me feel like I’m not entirely alone. I don’t even have anyone to talk to about this. I can’t tell friends – they’d think I was crazy for entertaining the idea of staying. Or think I was being weak. Maybe you think I’m weak too? Like I said I’m still in denial and shock. Such sadness.

Leave a Reply

error: Content is protected !!