I receive so many private e-mails, but this one just tore me apart and made me count my blessings. KJ gave me permission to post just a small piece of her correspondence as I thought she could use some support from all of you. I have given her names and numbers of resources, and she has assured me that she will find some help.
But, until she gets that help and in addition to it, I think she can use all the TLC we can muster. Here’s her abbreviated story:
JoAnn-First I want to thank you for your website. Like so many others I have really struggled with COSA. Tonight I am just reaching out to you because I do not have one person that I can talk to. I have never felt so alone in my life.
I am not thinking clearly enough tonight to begin to summarize my story although I can see the benefit in doing so when I am able. But for now let me just say that I can remember d-day all too well and the days and weeks that followed and I remember thinking that it wasn’t humanly possible to hurt any worse than I did-until this week.
My husband deployed to Afghanistan in the middle of all of the chaos so I am alone and will be until Sept of 2011…..and just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse they did……subsequent to his deployment and I haven’t even been able to talk to him about any of it. So here I am tonight at my lowest of lows.
For the past two or three days now I just cannot seem to pull myself together enough to do anything. I cannot eat or sleep or find anyone to talk to. All I can do is cry. I am ashamed to say I am not even functioning. I must sound really weak-but at this point I cannot even imagine recovering from this.
I was supposed to leave town today to go be with my family for Thanksgiving and I just can’t do it…….so now I have all of this anxiety about how to explain my absence. No one in my family is aware of the situation.
I want you to know that would never never take my own life-but I am at a place tonight where I sincerely wish God would just take me home and end all of this pain. I have always believed that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but I don’t think I am emotionally equipped to deal with this combined with the deployment. And I am certainly not able to go to make the 13 hour drive to be with my family.
I apologize that I am rambling because all I was actually intending to do was ask you this question. Is there anyone that you know of that does any kind of phone counseling-and in the very near future because I am really in need of a lifeline right now. I am desperate to talk to someone.