I met Andre in 2003. I wasn’t looking for a relationship when we met. I was independent and happy doing my own thing. Fate had another plan for me. I remember the evening so well, the cab driver took me and my friend to a bar. We were looking for a cool place to sit and chat while listening to live music. We were in a new city, unsure of where to go. So our driver asked, “you want to find a husband?” I shrugged it off and said “no.”
But that is what I met. He wasn’t the typical man I would even notice while out. He was cute in his own way, but not my type. Too make a long story short, he won me over simply by his persistence and his humor. I had never had a one night stand, but I did sleep with him the second night. It was odd for me, but it felt right… and to be honest the sex was good. He enjoyed pleasing me.
We dated for over a year before he proposed. I was scared to death of marriage. Eventually, after waiting 3 years we married. We did the whole destination wedding in Mexico. It was beautiful. Everyone had fun. It was beautiful.
I had spent a lot of time away from my husband prior to being married. Andre was always in between jobs, so in order to carry us both and pay all the bills I worked away. This caused some friction between us, he always wanted me home but could never help me out with all the finances. Eventually after we got married, we had a new plan that involved Andre returning to school, so that he could get some more consistent work and I could be around more.
After we got married, we moved to British Columbia. He was accepted in school and off we went. I was still working on contracts, but agreed to be with him as much as i could. Usually I was away a month and home for 2 weeks. We got Andre settled in school and to help with finances, he took a part time job as an RA. He could then stay in the campus free, which meant less money for me to pay. Two months into his school life, I got a new job with a company. It was still a traveling job, but I would be home for two weeks and off working for another two. I was happy, as it meant more time home with Andre. However, he wasn’t happy by the news.
Things went on, after his year of schooling…we then moved back to Ontario. i was still working my traveling job and making good money. Our relationship was different and had been, but I just let it slide as “issues of moving.” Things got worse, Andre ended up getting his first job post school and was spending all his money on himself. I was livid. I just spent the past year, working and paying for his schooling and then he starts getting a paycheck…and he doesn’t even consider me? We fought all the time. Finally in October 2009, he left. After saying every terrible mean thing he could, he left me.
I was shattered. Confused and angry, I didn’t know how he could up and leave after everything. I thought for sure he’d come back…work it out with me. But he didn’t. It took me months to find out the truth. But I was determined. It was like this determination I had never felt before. I was sick thinking about him. I had anxiety like never before. My heart broke and it yearned to know why this was happening?
The truth came out, I found letters and underwear by his “girlfriend.” I was sick, I literally threw up when i read her words about all their love and all the sexual explicit things she and him would do. My heart raced and i could feel it falling apart with every word. I gasped…my entire world just blew up.
Over the next many months, Andre finally confessed to multiple affairs he had while in school. All with younger woman and ones that knew me/met me and were fine with participating in this adultery. I was sick, sick that people could do this to me…to my marriage. I can’t even describe the disappointment, the hurt and the shame i felt. I felt like a fool. The last to know about this…over time, people admitted to knowing about this and never telling me.
I tried to work passed it. I tried to establish healthy boundaries with him. Telling him what i needed…that the truth had to exist. He made promises and broke them every time. He continued having relationships with these woman over the internet…lying to them, telling them horrible things about me. He was never good at hiding things…or fate would always have it that I would find out. Every time…I always found out.
Over time, i just gave up. I knew he would continue to lie. I knew he was unable to be honest with me or to stop these relationships with the younger woman. It was killing me…all the wondering. Every time I saw him on his phone, texting-i knew. My body would tell me, my heart would tighten and my stomach would ache.
After a year of lies and to this day…his inability to be honest and faithful. I finally filed for divorce. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep giving love to this man that was destroying my heart over and over. These other woman didn’t care about me, he didn’t care about our marriage. So I walked out.
I have kept in contact with him to this day. It has been hard to break the tie completely. I still love him. He has admitted recently he can’t stop. Only after me finding out about other woman. I don’t know what I feel anymore, nothing surprises me anymore with him. If I hear that he has been with someone, I just smile. He still tells me he loves me…but I think at this point, I don’t know if I believe him. I think he tells all the woman in his life, that he loves them.
This is my story. I loved and I lost. To this day, I still love that man…but I remember all the hurt and all the lies and deceit and it makes me move forward. I can’t live a life like that anymore…wondering. I think back to our lives together, and I think his behavior may have existed prior to our marriage. It would not surprise me if he was unfaithful while we were dating also. He says not, however admits to online chat rooms. I just don’t know anymore.