I’ve just found this site. I think my husband is a Sex Addict, but the thing I have been struggling with the most is my “but I love him”. My husband and I have been together since I was 16. I’m now 32.
I’m lucky I’m young but it’s still half my life. We have a 14 month old girl and 3.5 year old son. My reason for leaving is many fold
A) I don’t trust him and I don’t believe what’s he has told me is the truth or the whole truth at any rate.
B) I don’t want my daughter particularly normalising this. And I don’t want my son repeating this.
C) I am now questioning everything
D) I’m beginning to look at our relationship and wonder why he never prioritised me the way I did him E) I’d rather leave now than be too scared to do it later
My husband has yet to be diagnosed. However of the 40 questions to ask yourself to diagnose I found online he only said no to 7. The rest were yeses.
He is going to go to therapy.
I can’t stay throughout it because I don’t believe he’ll stop even with therapy. But if he does – good for him.
I’m also a little concerned he’s a socio path now I know what a good liar he is. We read the qualities and both agreed he has most of them. He has real issues with connecting to people.
I found out 1 month and 2 weeks ago he had fathered a child with someone else. A co worker. She was a mutual friend.
She was married too at the time of conception.
I was going to stay. I was going to pay child support. The child is almost 5. It only came out to me he’d had a fling after he got served with a family court application.
He swore there was nothing else.
Then I got suspicious. I found plans to meet up with strangers in person. I found online websites he was a member to(paid membership). And it’s throughout our entire relationship.
He agrees he needs help. But I am certain he’s lying that the one time he had sex outside a marriage he just had the bad luck to get her pregnant.
I knew he was bisexual at 16 when we got together. I thought he was non-practicing. Now I don’t believe him.
I’m lucky. I have a great job and can afford to support myself and my kids.
Luckily I have a wonderful mother who is willing to lend me “buffer money” that i need to feel secure going it on my own. I’m self employed.
And now I find out my family has always suspected he cheated throughout our marriage but had no proof. And I had no idea of what’s normal. I had one partner (still have) ever.
Turns out most married men don’t carry condoms in their wallets in case they randomly need to masturbate. Lol
Anyway – I’m coming to terms.
I blame myself for being actively blind but I really didn’t see any of this coming.
I was totally stunned. He hasn’t paid for sex to the best of my knowledge but he works in computers and knows how to find people for free.
It’s the beginning of my recovery. And I still love him. But I’m not staying.
I can’t. For me. I would go insane.
Maybe we will stay friends. We have kids together so that would be for the best.
Did I mention I’m a divorce lawyer???
Yep I totally should’ve been less naive.
Sorry for my rant/vent.
Much love and support to those who stay. I think you are stronger than me. I just couldn’t.