When we think about Partners of Sex Addicts we usually think of women. But, there are many men out there who are also dealing the Discovery that their wives have been leading a secret sexual life.

A. sent me his story and has given me permission to post it. It took a lot of courage for him to put this out there and ask for help. I know you will all give him the support and wisdom that he needs. ~ JoAnn

griefFour years ago my wife of 10 years disclosed that she had been having affairs off and on but was now over all that.

I was stunned and dizzy and actually sick to my stomach. She stopped seeing our couples therapists we and started working with a priest who supposedly could help with her situation. For a time she went to SA but had difficulty with the room being filled with men.

I found a Dr. who prescribed sleep medication and two anti depressants which I am still using.

I have managed to muddle through the last four years while hearing a list of reasons she wandered including my weight, my age, my lack of enthusiasm with life and so on.

On my birthday in October she told me that she did not want to have sex with me because she had always had sex to please or keep a man and that she was afraid that having disappointing sex with me might trigger her to fool around again in order to enjoy sex. She also repeated the list of reasons she mostly lost interest in sex (my weight, my age, my being anxious and depressed).

Last week I asked if she had acted out since her disclosure four years ago. She asked if I really wanted to know. I said that I did.

She told me that the last time was 11 months ago. I asked if there were times between the 11 months ago and four years ago. She said yes.

I have been reading a great book “Your sexually addicted spouse” I am aware of the model of trauma vs. codependency and believe that I have been traumatized over the last four years.

I am anxious to take care of myself and start healing. I have an appointment with a therapist in a couple of weeks but am now wondering if I need to find someone who specializes in treating the partner of a sex addict. I don’t know about blogs. This is the first time I have ever written out the high points of my situation and I find it somehow comforting that someone might read this and get it.


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