I’d Rather Not Say (My Name) Her Story of Being Married to a Sex Addict for Ten Years

Hi,

I am not sure where to begin I have been married for ten years and together with him two years prior. I think my husband is a sex addict. When we first got together I did not want a serious relationship I had been in a vary bad marriage and was a single mom of two. But he was so good at winning me over. So attentive and sweet. He would hang out at the gym planning basketball and I never had a problem with it until I found out a couple years latter that he had been cheating on me.

The first time I found out he had been sleeping with someone we both knew and she could not keep it a secret any longer. After it came out I found out she was not the only one there were at least five others. We talked it over and he said he would change. I told him to get help that we needed to find out how to communicate and work on trust.

I watched everything he did and for as far as I can tell he was good for a year. But I later found out that he had replaced the real thing with masturbation and the internet. I was in the military and had to go away for six months training and while I was gone he started up with another woman. When I returned things got worse he had several more affairs and finally we split up. Six months later he wanted to fix things said he would do what ever it took. I was his best friend and he did not want to loose me. We have three boys together plus my two and I decided I would do what I could to make their lives happy. He is a good guy, helps out, loves his kids, is very affectionate but he can’t stop looking for the thrill he gets from sleeping around.

Two months ago I found out he was with someone new and she had gotten pregnant. He does not like protection because he can’t feel anything with it on. She has since lost the baby but her and I have bonded over our pain because we found out that there are many of us. I have been contacted on several sites he used to connect with women. I know he has a sickness the man has to masturbate at least three times a day but I don’t know how much more I can take. I deserve to be happy and loved.

I am so confused these days I don’t know which way is up. I read these stories and some of them sound just like him but others don’t I just wish I knew that it could really truly get better. I sometimes feel like I am living with two different people the man I know and the one who has lived this life of lies and deceit so long he does not even know himself.

I’d Rather Not Say (My Name)

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Responses

  1. Hi Rather,

    I am extremely concerned about the fact that your husband chooses not to use protection when acting out. I would hope that you have had yourself tested for STD’s and will always insist that he use protection with you. STD’s are no laughing matter and can be deadly. The statistics are astounding. One out of every five people carry genital herpes (and, unfortunately condoms do not give complete protection). According to the CDC HIV infections are once again on the rise in the US. And, obviously this man does not care if he fathers another child.

    He can only get better if he truly wants to. You cannot make him change. The only thing you can do is to set healthy boundaries for yourself and have the self confidence to enforce those boundaries with consequences.

    You do deserve to be loved, and right now this man is not loving you. You need to feel safe and the only way you can do that is to insist that he begin a recovery program of counseling, 12 step or other recovery groups, complete sobriety and possibly ongoing lie detector tests.

    Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

    We are here for you. Hugs.

  2. i am married to sex addict he sleep around pick up women young girls from the streets cant keep a job lie steals i have taken 3 HIV test they were negative for now by the grace of god i am trying to move on with my life it’s been hell help