I’m glad I found your site — thank you for sharing and for providing an opportunity for a safe community of partners of sex addicts who are all in the same boat.
I’d like to find an intensive, one-week workshop to attend in July or August and was wondering if any women out there have a recommendation.
Hi. In Los Angeles I recommend the Sexual Recovery Institute. The director is Rob Weiss (no relation to Doug Weiss). I saw him on CNN and was impressed with his grasp of the trauma partners experience. My husband and I have been to Saturday couples groups and we have both gotten a lot from it. I’m sure the week long intensives are really good. Good luck to you.
I’ve looked at both SRI and Institute for Sexual Health in LA. (I’m waiting to hear from SRI to my email request.) ISH is more expensive ($3,000 – $4,500) and would cost more with the flight from Houston/hotel, etc. I’ve also got the info. on Pinegrove (Patrick Carnes’ facility in Mississippi), which has a 5-day in July for $2,300 and is closer to Houston, my fly-in location. It’s probably my best option.
I found this link on several posts on this site. I know nothing about the program, just wanted to pass along the info.
Thanks for the info. I’ve run across this site.
I’ve decided to go to Pinegrove the last week in July even though it appears they’ve not embraced the “trauma” treatment model for spouses/partners as much as I’d like. I’m not interested in 12-step and couldn’t abide a Christian-sourced approach. Thanks to Barbara Steffens research (and others), it’s clear that I’m going through the effects of a traumatic experience and, in addition to getting my family-of-origin issues addressed, I need to be treated for trauma. By the way, if you haven’t seen it yet (or even if you have it’s comforting to see again), I’d highly recommend viewing Barbara’s video on this website—she gets it.
Best of luck, and I hope the program goes well for you!
I’d be careful of anything Patrick Carnes peddles. He does not embrace the trauma model and automatically assumes that we are co-dependent by virtue of the fact that we’re married to sex addicts. If he automatically assumes that I’m co-dependent, I automatically assume he’s a quack. Please evaluate that program very carefully before you spend your time and money.
Intensives are like colleges. You need to find the exact perfect one for you. Brand name doesn’t mean anything to the individual experience. Pine Grove has a great brand, but I’ve worked with a therapist trained in that model by Carnes himself. As long as you agree that you are as sick as your spouse and that you set up a family system which allowed him to continue in his addiction, you should be fine at Pine Grove. Otherwise I recommend contacting Steffens for a referral in Cali. There is a man there who presented with Steffens in Houston back in April, he is excellent.
My husband and I did an intensive with Barbara Steffens. I highly recommend it. She helped me to sort out the trauma, and how I was being re traumatized over and over and over again by my husband violating my boundaries. I spoke to Pinegrove. They don’t embrace the trauma model, and recommend fluff books like “Deceived.” The last thing I needed was to be seen as a co addict and treated like I was crazy.
With Barbara and her colleague Kent, we came up with a boundary plan, and back up plans. I was treated as sane and competent.
Be very careful, you want help, you don’t want to be pushed farther away from your sanity.
Thanks to all of you for your feedback on intensives in general and Pinegrove specifically. I’ve always had doubts about Carnes’ program being what I need right now (or maybe anytime). Now, after having two sessions with Silvia Jason in Houston (one of the therapists recommended by Barbara Steffens), I’m reconsidering my options. I’m still open to any suggestions but I know I don’t want Pinegrove.
I’m still looking but in the meantime, I need online resources (internet discussion groups, phone or Skype therapy sessions, etc.) to get me through these times (and to continue, of course, after an intensive). I live in Mexico and this is a vast wasteland as far as treatment/support for sexual addiction and partners is concerned. Dr. Jason said she thought Marsha Means lives here also and has a phone therapy resource. I’ll look into that. I welcome any advice. Thanks so much for your input.
I may be prejudiced, but I believe that one of the most, effective and most inexpensive sources of help, comfort and support is my support website, The Sisterhood Of Support. The conversations are constant, you can ask any question you like and expect almost immediate and ongoing feedback and the chat line is always open. I will jump in with info if needed and this fall we will be having live meetings and ongoing podcasts on research, news and topics that are important to partners of Sex Addicts. At only $24.95 per month it’s the best deal around.
Check out the information here:
I am on a very limited budget right now. The $15/month is very reasonable, I just can’t do it right now, not until I know how my financial situation will end up. Do you know of any free support groups that aren’t the COSA or 12 step program, but more of the trauma model?
I just wanted to emphatically agree with JoAnn. I stumbled upon this site (MTASA), and it was exactly what I needed at the time – to hold on to my sanity through a very difficult period. I then unwittingly received a subscription to The Sisterhood of Support (S.O.S), and it helped me even more – through information, support, and a connection with wonderful people who are all going through the same thing. I do not live in the USA and there are no sex addiction programmes available where I am. But S.O.S really has been my lifeline over the past few months. I hope you are all able to find exactly what you need, to help you through this.
My husband and I are looking for a place for three day intensives asap. We have scheduled 2 and cancelled because we were worried about spititual belief and enough experience. Can anyone tell me anything about Dr. David Hawkins in Seattle, Washington? We have been married for 22years with over nine affairs and a family history of sexual addiction. Please Help!
Well, you asked for help and here it is, although it may not be what you were hoping to hear… First of all, I am so sorry that you find yourself in this untenable position and I know nothing of this doctor. I did look him up and was shocked to see how much he’s charging. It all smacks of a massive exploitation of vulnerable people (generally the betrayed) who are desperately searching for a way to make this all just go away. But I’m afraid its extremely unlikely that it ever will. This is your reality. You do not need marriage counseling. Your husband appears to be quite embroiled in his other life, filled with lots and lots of women. That’s what he needs in order to feel “normal.” Honey, that is not going to change. There is no cure and management is very rare. Knowing this, I would try to figure out why I would even want to stay with such a creature– a creature who married me under false pretenses, lied remorselessly and lead a double life for years and years behind my back. Oh, you forgot to put a chocolate on his pillow one night? That’s why he needed to go out and find another woman to fuck? (and another and another?) Why do you not want to rip his fucking head off? Where is your anger? Oh, he’s REALLY a great guy except for this one thing?
NO HE IS NOT!!!
Three days is not going to get your marriage back on track, because this marriage does not even possess the wheels to go anywhere but down deeper into the muck. And its not because of anything that YOU did. This is all about him and his massive issues. So, your decision needs to be if you can live with THIS, just the way he is now… because it is EXTREMELY unlikely that he will actually be able to change. The scariest part is that he may APPEAR to change for a while, but invariably, it cannot be sustained.
It saddens me greatly, when I see people in pain being taken in by these opportunists who make false guarantees (three days to a new marriage– guaranteed) REALLY??? That is utter snake oil crap, and you know it! And what is this “refresh package?” “renewal package” “restoration package” What a laugh (although not very funny) that is. Why he’s reduced your 22 years into a weekend at a friggin’ spa! This is starting to anger me. Quite frankly, I would take that money and take MYSELF— alone to a real spa.
That would be far more beneficial. You need to get away from this man as he’s done a great job of sucking you into his sick vortex. Also, I would recommend a counselor for you. Just you. Not you and him. Just you. I’m so, so sorry. best, Kim
I mean , really?
And the nine must be the ones you are aware of.
There must be plenty of other activity which you know nothing about.
The only way he can change is if his brain gets overhailed and rewired completely or he gets a brain transplant.
I am sorry to sound so harsh but every time i hear about a serial cheater it makes me angry and then to top it all i hear about people charging a ransom to “cure” this cheaters.
No way is that ever going to happen.
All it does is throwing money down the drain and prolonging your agony.
Please do what Kim has suggested.
Love and light.