S’s Story, Don’t Ever Tolerate Their Behavior

JoAnn,

I have attached my story. I was divorced June 27, 2011 because my ex filed for it.

I was married for 12 years to a man who had been very abusive towards me. When I first came into his life I didn’t know that he was sexually deviant.

When I was pregnant with our daughter I found an old phone bill that had 900 numbers on it in the amount of $2,400.00. I then found several pieces of paper with mail box numbers on it, giving the person’s sex preference, height, weight, & age. It would list their race and BF which stood for Black Female or Bi Female.

Through the years I found pictures on his phone from other women and his body parts to other women. He had pornographic videos about wife swapping,

I had had awaken in the middle of the night catching him masturbating on the phone with women on a verbal chat line and then caught him on the computer watching another couple having sex in which I found him erect.

I reached the point of leaving him 12/2009 with nothing but my clothes and starting my life over. Since that time he begged and pleaded with me to reconcile and stated he’s changed and he’s not engaging in that behavior.

I asked him to show proof that he was in counseling, I asked him to let me see his phone for txt pics and to show me an itemized cellular bill. He said I was being demanding.

In August of 2011 I found out that he was engaging with a female married neighbor and I found out that they were txt pic themselves naked to one another. I also found out that she had a sexual past where she slept with 4 black males and 3 black females at the same time. I also found out she was being treated for a heroin addiction with Methadone, Subutex and smokes marijuana in which they had talked about.

I was told by her that he wanted to watch her have sex with her black ex-husband.

This past December my daughter approached me stating that daddy is watching nasty videos on his phone and my children have found pornography videos that he had in his car.

He had pushed me into a situation where he invited a black male to our residence where they took advantage of me and this was always in his fantasies,

I also found out in 07/2001 that he was arrested for 4th degree sexual assault on a female in Wisconsin when I was pregnant with our second child.

He now says he is not engaging in that behavior but I had learned through the years that he lies and will continue to lie.

I realized that this man never loved me as a woman should be loved by her husband; all I was to him was an object. For men & women out there when you see and find things that your partner is displaying they will say that they don’t have a problem.

Don’t ever put yourselves in a position of tolerating their behavior because when they are in denial they won’t hold themselves accountable for their behavior.

Sheree’

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Responses

  1. I dont know you, but I relate to you. I just found out that my boyfriend of eight years has a sexual addiction. I am totally blown away and don’t know what to do….. I have known something was wrong for a long time, i thought it was gambling. I knew it had to do with his phone and he is always broke. He has all these secret codes and menus and coded files on his phone and most stuff i can’t even get to. I found photos of women, then a tex with 3 free min of sex talk… I had enough, I down loaded his phone to my lap top. Oh my God, He has been doing this for years. I know nothing about this world so I can’t figure out all whats going on. I do know for sure many sites ,photos, chat rooms ton of porno and i think web cam. I didn’t even know he had a computer. the worst is he won’t have sex with me he can’t even get it up….. I am distraught at this point and need advice. He denies it all and says I am crazy period end of discussion. I left 2 weeks ago and am staying at families. Yhey don’t understand, first just the shock, He goes from not being to get it up, and docent know how to use a computer to an entire life of porn , I found a picture if a guy he was talkig to. he seemed like he was on the phone, but who knows. where can i get help? please let me know

  2. to both of you… I don’t want you to think your posts have been missed, it seems as if all the attention is going to the other post that was added the next day. I would direct your attention there…read and listen to what we are saying to you. There is much help to be had in others stories and to realize that you are not alone. I always advise to leave..some advise to stay. The choice is yours but either way, roll up your selves and get ready for the biggest battle you will ever endure. Good luck!

  3. Hi Sheree,

    Your post sounds like you’ve come to a peace with the situation, or at least that you see and acknowledge hard cold reality. When you realize that you’ve never had a husband, that you’ve never been anything to him other than an object, that’s the day you really begin to heal, detach, and see the world clearly. I bid you strength, peace and tranquility.

    My best, Betty

  4. Thank you for your story. I have been married for 29 years. It has always been a lonely marriage completely lacking in real intimacy. I always wondered why and have begged my husband to talk to me about it or to try counseling. I just found out he is addicted to porn and has gone to massage parlors. He said it has been happening off and on our whole marriage. He says he stops for awhile but it always starts again. I feel deep hatred right now. He stole my whole life. I might have found happiness with someone else. He is evil and incredibly selfish. I have nothing but anger and sadness. I don’t think healing is possible for me because I truly feel such intense disgust for all men and see them as the cause of so many of societies problems. I for one will not tolerate his behavior for even one more second. I hate him and what he has done with a fierce passion. I know this feeling will destroy me but I have no way to get rid of it.

    1. Dear Dee,
      you won’t hate him forever. Just long enough to get your own life back, start over, and recover the person inside you that you fear might be gone. She’s not. She comes back.
      I was married over 30 years. I’m 56. It was a hard start over. Less money but less asshole too. Most women I know could do with a little less asshole in their lives. Go ahead and get rid of yours. Get a good therapist to help you through the trauma. Start being kind to yourself. Learn to love yourself.

      These guys are so beyond any possibility of mutuality in the relationship. It’s not your job to fix him. And it’s not your job to stand around while he doesn’t do it either. They ran out the clock on lying and getting away with it. That’s the only thing they regret. Just move on and enjoy your life. YOu will be surprised just how much life there is left for you to live.