I received this e-mail today from Stephanie. Here is her story of the Partner Trauma and stress that she is suffering due to her boyfriend’s sex addiction. I hope that writing it and seeing it in black and white will help her find the strength she needs to heal. ~ JoAnn
I want to start off by saying how blessed I feel to have found this site! Reading your stories took away the feeling that I was alone in this, and that I was crazy feeling the way I do…
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We grew up together and have known each other for years. He is 45 and I am 44. I found out about his problem less than 1 month into the relationship. Very innocently I found a penis pic on his phone that he had sent to another woman WHILE OUT WITH ME!
I immediately tried to end the relationship, but after alot of begging and pleading on his part, I stayed. Let me also say that my boyfriend is an alcoholic as well. Shortly after we got together (2010) he was arrested for his 5th dui. He was then sentenced to a year and a half in prison and six months work release.
I am a very loyal person I come from a very great family my grandparents were married 67 years my parents have been married 45 years I have been raised not to turn your back on someone that you love, so therefore, I stood by him the entire time he was in prison I took care of him I took care of his family I definitely stood by my man.
As I’ve said to him several times, I took your hand and walk through hell with you, and walked out the other side still holding your hand. When he was released from prison and sent to the work release program I would go and pick him up occasionally for AAA meetings and trips to get toiletries and things like that.
After being in prison and away from me for a year and a half when he was with me he would never touch me. He never even mentioned having sex with me or anything. I thought that was very odd, but I never questioned it.
Then when he was released and came back home, because we live together, we did have sex together but it was not very often. Let me also state that my boyfriend has an issue with erectile dysfunction. After a while I found out that he was s****** his ex and still in love with his ex of 13 years. He had purchased a penis pump and was using the penis pump to take the pictures apparently to make it made his penis look bigger. He had also gone out and buy a prepaid cell phone so that he could contact his ex and continue this behavior.
He was not only using the phone to do this with his ex, but there was were several women. One of the women was the wife of his best friend and a friend of mine. After that all came out I kicked him out we were split up for a few months and he contacted me and swore to me that it would all stop and I gave him another chance.
Just a few months after he came back he had back surgery and gave me his personal belongings while he was in surgery. Of course having the experience with him that I had I went through his personal belongings while he was in surgery.
Now let me back up a little bit before I had kicked him out he had bought an engagement ring and asked me to marry him all the while he had to the prepaid phone and was professing his undying love to his ex, as well as the s****** with the other women. And then almost a year to the day he asked me to marry him again that was this this past January February is when he had his surgery and February is when I found that he was on hookup sites trying to habitat or having inappropriate conversations with other women, sending naked pictures, it never had stopped he has done this on our entire relationship.
Of course I tried to kick him out again and he begged and pleaded and said it was stupid and it would never happen again never really had an explanation. Now it is July 2015 and I caught him in April with a prepaid phone. How I caught him with all my installed nanny cameras in my house because I knew he was doing it again and lying to me.
So I have 6 videos of this man that supposedly loves me more than anything in the world doing this stuff in my house in my bedroom while talking to me on the phone at one point. That happened back in April and in May he contacted me admitted that he had a problem said he would do anything to make it right but he didn’t want to lose me. I also have to add that although he is not his biological grandfather, I have a granddaughter that we are consider his granddaughter as well.
And one thing I can say without a doubt is I know that despite all of his issues this man is madly in love with that little girl and vice versa.
So he agreed to go to counseling in May we have been going to counseling ever since and recently it is now July I found out that he has never stopped with the online hookup sites he is still sending pictures back and forth with women and he’s even gone so far as to take out a personals ad on Craigslist, which is scary. And although at first he was completely making effort in repairing this relationship seems sincere seemed as if he really wanted to be with me loved me, which I believe that he does, but completely convinced me that he was mortified by his behavior and that it would never ever ever happen again and he wanted to get help to find out why he can’t stop.
Well as time went on the effort that he put into the really fixing the relationship has gotten less and less. We are still not living together, but moving back and what was his end goal. But since we have been not living together he is back to drinking all the time he has a suspended license and is driving drunk in a truck with illegal plates.
He continues to make a responsible decisions and has completely changed his attitude towards me he’s sarcastic and kind of the smart Alek. He has now put me in fixing this relationship as a low priority, and his addictions have seemed to take in control again.
I have begged and pleaded with this man I have sent text after text after text phone conversation after phone conversation and it is not working. Last night I had to make the very difficult decision, to block his number in an attempt to let him go.
But as stated in one of the earlier comments, he has become my addiction. Fixing this problem and trying to make him stop doing this has become my addiction, trying to catch him doing this has become my addiction.I have blocked this number many times and then unblocked it and then blocked it again and unblocked it and ended it and then begged him not to give up it makes me sick to my stomach what this has turned me into.
This man does not care what these women look like, anything about them, whether they are wives or girlfriends of friends, family members, it doesn’t matter. If the woman is willing to participate he is all over it. I am a very loyal person, obviously almost to a fault, and I know that this is a sickness and I am struggling with turning my back on someone that I love when I know that it is a sickness.
But when it comes to the point to where I am the only one that cares about their relationship I’m the only one that makes the effort, what other choice do I have. I’m writing on this blog today and telling my story because I’m in desperate need of strength and help from others and advice from others to keep myself from allowing this to go on in my life.
It is obvious that this man has a problem not only with this sex addiction but also with alcoholism and he refuses to do anything about it. He pretends that he does, even so far as to go into counseling, but it’s all fake. I just need maybe some backup or some reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. I’m trying very hard to keep his number blocked, but I am a fixer type of woman, and this is very very hard for me. Any advice and suggestions would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you again for all of your stories and for all of you making me realize I’m not crazy and I’m not alone lots of love ladies!