I received this story several months ago. I hope Christine is still with us and will update her story. ~ JoAnn
I am engaged to a Sex Addict. I first met my fiancé January 21st, 2004. I was 17, and had been chatting with him for a few weeks on a popular teenage/college dating website.
Everything was wonderful. He was sweet, polite, came from a loving family with 2 working parents who are still married and a sister who was my age. He was 2 years older than me. We started seeing a lot of each other and I remember saying to my family “He’s sweet, but I don’t know if he’s right for me”
They all told me to go for it because I wasn’t going to find anyone else who would treat me better than him. He even bought me a gold necklace for our 2 month anniversary.
We moved in together in September of 2004. He was going to college. One day the phone rang and I answered it. It was a girl asking to speak with him. I later found out it was a girl from college whom he had told he was single and wanted to date her.
He also received calls on his cell phone from random women. He dropped out of college, and got a job. I finally got a job as well at a local retail store, and came home from my first shift to find him missing. I found out that evening that he went out with an ex-girlfriend who set him up on a date with one of her friends to play strip-poker.
That got us started on a huge argument! It was in that argument that I found out in the summer time, when I was admitted into the hospital for 10 days for having a blood clot in my lung (potentially life threatening) that he was on a date with another girl and bought her a necklace for her birthday.
All of this went on for a year or so, and we were fighting like crazy but had a lease. I told him I would stay until the end of the lease because neither of us could afford the apartment on our own. It was a month or two before the end of our lease that I found out I was pregnant.
We discussed it and decided that he was going to change and he really wanted to get married and have a family. I wouldn’t agree to marriage at that point, but did agree to having the baby (I didn’t believe in abortion).
We moved to a different town to live with my mother while I was pregnant and once the baby was born to save on money. Our daughter was born by C-Section on April 12th, 2006. He was so happy! We were so happy! (or so I thought).
My incision from the birth got infected about 2 weeks after, and I had to have a home nurse come to my house every day to clean it out and pack it with gauze (a VERY painful experience). The deal we had arranged was that I would take care of the baby during the day, and he would get up during the night to do a feeding and diaper change (she was on formula).
I awoke to her screaming and crying one morning when she was a little over a month old. I ran into the other room to find her strapped in a vibrating chair, and my boyfriend nowhere to be found. He had vanished.
After doing some investigating, I found out he had charged my credit card with over $200 for online porn and had been chatting with a girl online who lived in another city. He took a bus there and was staying with her. He withdrew $1000 from our savings account and spent it all in a week. He had unprotected sex with this other girl countless times.
I finally got a hold of him and convinced him to come home. I actually drove down there to pick him up. Of course at this point, he was telling me that he was staying with a male friend that he used to work with. I later found out the whole truth.
I was so angry at him and he moved home with his parents. He was so apologetic for everything that happened and swore it would never happen again. We continued to see each other over the next few months. So in October 2006, we signed another lease and moved into an apartment together. Things started happening again.
I went away for a weekend, and came back to find the shower pressure was changed to a setting we never use. There was purple shower gel on my white sheets that I know I didn’t put there. He came up with stories of course which to this day I still don’t believe. He took off angry one night and went to an internet cafe to look at porn, and didn’t come home till morning. He told me he slept in the car, but I don’t believe that either.
After this lease was done I had had enough. We went our separate ways, but still saw him on weekends so he could visit his daughter. Over the course of 2 years he went back to school for Accounting, got a successful full time job, and was doing great. He showed a huge interest in his daughter, was a great, loving father, and was extremely sweet to me. He would take me to dinner, treat me like a queen.
We decided to move into a rental house together in December of 2009. Things went so well for almost 2 years. We had both matured and were dealing with things differently. There was no suspicion anymore about him. I felt I could trust him again.
He was amazing to me and our daughter and I felt this is really going to work. He proposed to me June of 2011. I said yes of course because things were so great and this is the life I knew I wanted. We have our wedding planned for October 13th, 2012 and are excited. He talks about it openly about how much he loves me and that he’s not scared about it at all because we’ve known each other for 8 years.
Our daughter is now 5 and very aware of what is going on. Anyways, last night, the cell phone rings. He acted very suspicious. I asked him who it was and he said wrong number. I asked him for the phone but he wouldn’t give it to me. He begged me, and begged me not to ask for the phone. I finally got it from him and he had deleted all the information.
Then it rang and I answered it. It was another woman calling for him. I found out the whole story. He was at work and looked up meeting up with someone on Craiglist on his work hour. He arranged to meet her that night after work. He called me as he usually does when he was about to leave. Then he went to pick her up, drove to a park, and received a blow job from her. He gave her $95 for her services, brought her back home. Then he phoned me again and said there was traffic, so he’s going to be a little late getting home.
I broke down crying. I can’t believe this has happened again. I feel so alone. My family already hates him and can’t believe I agreed to marry him. I swore up and down he had changed, and now this. I have been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years now so I have no job, no recent work history, no money. I feel very trapped. We have put $1000 into down payments for our wedding and would not get any of this money back if I cancel. I don’t know what to do. He has admitted that he is a sex addict, and is very remorseful for what has happened.
He broke down crying saying he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him or why he does this. And that he regretted it the minute it was all done. He still swears up and down that he loves me and my daughter and wants to get married. He says he wants to get councelling. We can’t afford it though.
Hopefully he can find something through his plan through work. What do I do? Do I go through with the wedding in hopes that he really can change?
Any suggestions or comments from people would be greatly appreciated.