I married a man I hardly knew, but thought I really did. I found out about porn, but not much of anything else for a long time. When I was pregnant with our child (our first child, my second), I assumed he was looking at porn (I worked days, he delivered pizza at night) because the sex was uncomfortable with me being so big. Because of this, I never snooped because I thought it was healthy, but it made me jealous and I didn’t want to be mad at him all the time for something I felt was normal. Our sex life has always been steamy, not vanilla, although with his bi-polar and consistent inability to keep a job or be emotionally mature, or focus on anything of importance, we’ve had problems and dry spells, and times of your-turn-then-my-turn, which is boring for both of us.

Last year I found out he’d had some really sexy back and forth emails with an ex. I considered it cheating, lost it, we almost split. He emailed her to tell her how wrong he was to do it, and swore it was done, that he was sorry, etc. Then I found out about phone sex with a female blogger (while he was an “at-home dad”, I was at work) and received email passwords etc as conditions of me staying – this happened 6 months before the first thing i found. I looked back on those times I had accused him of things and he told me I was irrational, lived by emotion only, was jealous, and how he scorned the few men we knew who even hinted that there might be something else out there than their wonderful wives.

Then, I found the secret email addresses. The craigslist responses to men, group sex ads (these were from before the emails I found, before the phone sex) and although I couldn’t read the content, I could see who they were to and from, the names of these emails told me everything I needed. I pretended that I was able to read the emails (I had gotten into an account he set up during a time we were separated and was able to read his responses to some craigslist ads) and he thought I knew more than I did. He admitted to getting a blow job from another man while I was pregnant. Then first to getting happy ending massages from men in college, to finally (after some couples counseling) other interactions with men before me – always illicit, strangers, one-offs. I thought being a good wife I could play along, maybe involve another man (he was always the “top” or receiver of blow jobs). But then he started talking about wanting me to buy a strap-on, talking about wanting to see me with another man constantly and I realized it made me sort of sick.

The scariest thing for me is that EVERYWHERE there is danger. Internet, craigslist, glory-holes, porn stores, female friends, male friends, bathrooms, libraries. There is no guideline to what he will or won’t do, no safety or moral compass. I have had access to everything of his for 9 months now. We spent several days apart (he at his mother’s) b/c of other problems and when he came back, I looked through his laptop (I’ve gotten good at that) and found a new made-up email address (that had since been deleted) and craigslist ads he’d looked at for men, which I knew he would do. He says he never actually met anyone, but I insisted we both have full STD screenings done. He says he admitted to infidelity problems and a desire for sexual activity with men – but not relationships – but said he hadn’t admitted to himself that he might have a real addiction. We talked about him attending an SA type group, but he said he was worried that that would put him in a situation where he might act out. WTF? Just hearing that made it a little too real for me, as I believed (due to my constant monitoring) that for the last year he’d been (at least technically) faithful, and now – if its that easy – I am not so sure.

We see a counselor tomorrow, but frankly, I have sort of given up. I believe someone can want to have sex with both men AND women, but be monogamous – I just don’t believe HE can, nor do I want to participate in some of the behaviors that are asked of me, no matter how open I can be sexually. I don’t feel like I should compensate for his inability to be satisfied. Take one sexually addicted man who likes to have sex with strangers, more often men, and add in the natural impulsive and high-risk behaviors of someone with bi-polar disorder (he is still on his meds) and I just think this is too long of a journey for me to make with him. I have two children who are my whole world and a full time job and I don’t think that I can take on any more of his problems.

I feel like I sleep next to a stranger who is capable of anything – any sexual act in any situation, any lie straight to my face.

I feel like our entire life together (almost 6 years) has been about him – his inability to get a decent job (and resulting feelings of emasculation as I advance in a career), his bi-polar, his emotional issues, his sexual needs, his pursuit of his “dream”, his LIFE. I want me back, and eventually, someone who values me and considers how I feel and what I need, but I seriously have no idea how I will ever be able to trust anyone again.

Visits: 8

23 Responses

  1. No, it isn’t normal. He has alot of emotional problems and at a certain point you have to decide that it isn’t your job to save someone else. I should clarify that other than the weekend he left, he’s been monitored carefully and, I’m fairy certain, has not acted out. I got back the results of my STD tests and I am completely clean.

    We went to counseling last week, and it went badly. He wanted help before we got there, but once we were there, focused on my own “problems” and his perception that I get a “get out of jail free” card because what he did was so awful. I just said, point blank, that we’re all human and have issues of our own, but the pressing issue here and now is the danger he is to himself and our family, and that is what we need to focus on first and foremost, and that I wouldn’t be doing any couples counseling until he made some progress on that. Needless to say, the evening went badly after that, fighting and such. (Our children were not home.) However, he had a sort of breakthrough. I really can’t explain it.

    Since, we’ve decided to go back for one more session together, and afterward he will go on his own. I have also decided (thanks to some lovely commenters on the SHare Your Story thread) that something is better than nothing, and I will go see a therapist of my own twice a month – we have an HMO and I have been unhappy with their therapists in the past, but an open ear is a better outlet than none. He has also agreed to an accountability software program – we’ve used keyloggers and I am now a genius at discovering deleted and hidden things in the computer, but I need him to want this and I need to not spend my time digging and letting that take over my mind. He suggested I start taking his Playstation (from which the internet can be accessed) to work with me, but instead we decided to put a password that only I know on the Internet Browser on it. He is also going back to see his psychiatrist for more effective medication for his bipolar.

    I am not getting my hopes up or letting my guard down at this point, however, if this can give me some peace of mind and let me feel a little safe then I can work on my own healing and focus on my family and career. Also, he and I can work on our communication – skills we will need whether we stay together or not, since we have children.

  2. Oh my goodness. This sounds so much like my life right now. The only difference is we have been married for over 20 years and he is not bi-polar. I only recently (with the assistance of said keylogger) found out about the craigslist ads looking for men. I am still reeling over that. I have never been “thrilling” enough for him, and I totally relate to your comment of not being responsible for his inability to be satisfied. I refuse to degrade myself, and I do not feel like sex in that manner is truly loving.

    I’m so sorry there is anyone else in the world that is living a life like mine, but at the same time it is comforting to know I am not alone.

  3. Counselors-unintentionally-may cause things to back-fire and Addict becomes more falsely sure of their “truth”-there has to be another answer/blame, You, (denial-lying to themselves). I do love him-I hate his addiction and all that it has done to “us”.
    Compulsive lying-is an addictive behavior-Some can pass lie-detector and then turn on you-Rewritting your entire history-and confirming for them-your fault. Never your fault. Always-Their addictions, behaviors and consequences.
    Remember, you are hiring someone to help you with a Service/Specialty. Interview a potential addictions counselor. Do their spiritual beliefs come close to your own? Moral, value beliefs?-disclosure? or not? “honesty”?
    Do they beleive we just have a hypocritical society-part of life? Addict-high and varied sexual wants/needs-how do they think/feel about women and a woman’s sexuality, role in society and the home. These are broad generic questions.
    Most inmportant! Ask them about what matters to you. We need more help and support for the trauma of partners. Chosing to stay with and work with a person with addictions is difficult.
    Yes, there are good partners out there, however, if the current stats are to be believed-
    Addictions are increasing rapidly due to privacy if internet-both sexes.
    Addictions are just a part of all the charaterists that makes up each person.
    It has been easier for me to live in “Denial”-so I thought-it is/has been so much harder in the long run-I thought I would die-dying seemed easier-had medical procedures I wish I could have died from so family could accept and let me go!
    No more!!!
    I am learning to not give more emotionally than I am willing to “pay”.
    Until my addict is in recovery-he isn’t capable of even being here for me, meeting any needs or in loving me-like I want/need-He cannot give to me or others what he doesn’t have for himself.
    I am working on any left over unhealthy codependecy behaviors and thinking-Without “healthy codependency”-there would be no one willing to go the extra mile to help others-children to the elders, abled body to those with obvious and invisable disabilites.
    Learning and caring for me-will make me a better partner for someone else, less likely to choose another addict. Addictions are not new, however, due to the biological compound of sex, food and gambling addiction-the person is addicted to their own “high”. Alcohol/substances-are tangible-they can see and put down. Prescription meds, perfectionalism, over working-others-even our children-may be unhealthy-worrying our selves sick, running defense and interference.
    Also, sex and food are two things not expected to abstain from indefinitely-
    VERY difficult-to learn to gage healthy vs. unhealthy use/abuse.
    Becoming as educated as possible-hugE help for Me.
    Addict needs to learn for themselves-their triggers, boundaries, etc.
    “Recovery vs. Abstinence”:
    “Abstninence”, “white-knuckling it”-most addicts have more than one addiction-switches to other addictions-stop using for years-comfortable-shocked when the use again.
    “Recovery”-change of heart, remorse-continue to be humbly aware of verablity-best way I have seen to maintain recovery for co’s and addicts.
    My pride-caused me to become unraveled as a codependent-I became a screamer, yelling, cursing and rageful.
    I will need to work on these behaviors for the rest of life, as well.

  4. I just found out my partner is a sex addict, we had just got engaged, we have children together. I still don’t know I know all the truth. He has masturbated in the car while stalking a late teens girl, he sneaks into peoples rooms and belongings and gets off on their underwear, he fantasizes 24/7, he has sought real life encounters, he lost a job because he had an obsession with anal p0rn and was masturbating in the shop at work – I don’t even know the depths yet, but I too feel the danger is everywhere and am not sure this is the man that should be around me and my kids. I try to separate him from his illness but once you have a glimpse inside their heads its hard to find any of them that isn’t this perverted freak, the rest always seems to be lies. I learnt to hate myself because of my rages when I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know what – it drove me crazy, he lied so much, all the time. He told me i was crazy, and a bad mum, and that he was ashamed of me. He says he wants to get better but I don’t know what to believe, or that I even know the half of it. If anyone wants to talk, let me know.

  5. Naomi,
    beautiful one, don’t believe the terrible things he said about you. I can tell by your courage in posting that you know what is true and what is crap.

    Get a plan together sister—you don’t need to be around his rage and abuse and addict acting out—even if he does decide to deal with it. Gather money. Enlist trustworthy family or friends (and don’t assume here, make sure they can be trusted). You and your children deserve better than this. Good grief, Naomi, read your message—you know this.

    Such awful stuff filling their heads, I know. And what is it about anal sex anyway? Alien abduction always seems to involve “anal probes” and these sex addicts are just obsessed with the hole the shit comes out. Maybe they’ve all been abducted by aliens and have returned to earth but can’t quite shake the feeling that “something important happened back/behind there”. Maybe they need to be abducted again for a longer period of time, so we can have a break.

    I don’t know about that, but I do know about you Naomi. You can do it. Unengage yourself and let him go too.

    Lots of courage, less rage, and great wisdom for you

  6. Hey everyone,
    I don’t really believe in the alien abduction thing–it was just to show how ridiculous it is that we have to be thinking about any assholes other that the ones who drove us to this site.

    And yeah, I’m a little cranky because this addiction is like a wildfire. My husband’s SA group has a LINE-UP of people waiting to start the entry process. They literally can’t keep up with the demand from those addicts with enough courage to try and get in a program. it’s scary.

    We have to stay strong and clear about our own lives, so others behind us can see there is hope, there is a way when they can see no way. We may be anonymous, but in the beam of human history, we will shine together, along with all the recovered and recovering SA’s.

    light to all

  7. These postings from you courageous woman have been my lifeline the past two weeks. I just put all the “pieces of the puzzle” together to discover my husband of 5 years is a sex addict. I have gone the gamut of raging, crying, and vomiting. I finally understand why things were so wrong and bad in our marriage. His emotional distance, unexplained absences from home, always working late, his Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde personality, the odd articles printed off the internet (example: how to increase your sperm load), his sexual fantasies he shared with me wanting to watch a man with a big c**k do me, his searching craiglist under the guise of wanting to find “me” a big one. His anger outbursts over something so minor where he would leave the house and be gone for several hours. Of course, he would be distant when he returned and blame me for not apologing. Sometimes he would leave and supposedly stay at his mom’s house all night (the house is empty now). He would be so tired the next day. He says it was because he was so awake all night thinking about our marriage. Right…he was prowling. Finding public parks in the Garmin search history. The final blow was his job. He is in law enforcement and he was pursuing drug addicts and other woman he was working cases on.

    His actions on his job is what finally “outed” him and I was able to piece together all his lies, the little clues and things that just didn’t feel right. I found out years ago he was diagnosed as a sa and of course, no one in his family shared that with me. They thought I would be great for him and he would “shape up” his act. Instead I have wasted 5 years of my life and now face a future of which I will likely not trust another man.

    I was tested last week for stds and aids and thankfully all have come back negative. I will retest again in 6 months. I will hold my breath until then. Going to my doctor and telling her why I was being tested was unbelievably humiliating. Never did I think I would need to do that.

    I fear daily that my life may continue to shatter around me. I live in a small town where everybody knows us. I own a prominent business and very active in the community. As I said earlier, he is in law enforcement. His job is in serious jeopardy. He is on leave now while his actions are being sorted out. When are the rumors going to start? A husband of one of the women has called me with proof of his wife and my husband’s affair. The husband is so angry and wants to publicly humiliate my husband. He’s threatened to go to the media. I have tried to reason with him that he will destroy my business and the employees I employ. The drug addict is threatening a lawsuit. I have received anonymous letters at my business discussing my husband’s past of which now I come to understand he has lied and cheated in previous relationships. I haven’t been his only victim. Does this make me feel any better or that I was conned as well.

    I am trying to make the best decisions for me. I have a loving and supportive family and group of friends. I went to a lawyer and started divorce proceedings. I started seeing a counselor last week. I pray daily to have the strength to navigate through all this and keep my head up and not let his addiction disgrace me. I know I will someday heal from this. Knowing I am not the only woman to go through this gives me strength. I appreciate all the brave women who have told their story before me.

  8. Sunsetgazer,

    Welcome here, as you know from our stories we do understand what you are going through.

    I could relate to how humiliating it felt to tell my doctor why I was being tested. That reaction came from the shock that I was still feeling for having been put in this circumstance that I had to be tested for something like this. It was humiliating to me because none of this was due to my behavior and had I know about the behavior I wouldn’t have had any part in it. To have to take responsibility (get tested) for his behavior that you knew nothing about is hard. I had to look at it differently, that I respected and cared enough about myself that I wanted to take care of me and got the testing done.

    As far as the visibility and exposure of this situation, there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it getting out. People are going to think what they want to think. Those that know you are going to realize that you never would have been complicit with this behavior, it has nothing to do with who and what you are. Through this whole situation that is one thing that I have not felt any responsibility for. You have been lied to, manipulated, betrayed and disrespected.

    It is so egregious to me when families knowingly allow this to happen to an innocent person. They have an obligation to ask their family member if they have disclosed their (supposingly) former addiction to you. This type of addiction involves your higher emotions, and crosses a lot of moral issues that you may have definite and strong opinions about. It is unfair because you never had the opportunity to discuss or question him about it and explore openly what the issues were around the SA addiction. I do think that family members, if they think it was not disclosed, have an obligation to see that it is. My husband had a moral obligation to inform me of his active 20 year gay lifestyle (I am not talking about experimenting, unfortunately in today’s society people seem to be open to experimentation) I am talking about immersed involved situations.

    His addiction does not disgrace you, it is a disgrace the he committed these things behind your back and deceived you. You had absolutely nothing to do with it.

    This betrayal does take time to work through, never really leaves you, it changes you, but the good news is that it does not define you. You never agreed to this betrayal and you are not the betrayer.

    Happy you are here, stay connected!
    – J –

  9. hello Jessie, it’s nice to hear from you that you’re both under counseling right now,at first it may not be as good as we expected but later on everything well doing fine.let’s hope for the better. you’re really an inspiration because despite of everything you still care for your family and that’s a truly an essence of a good wife and a mother!

  10. Dear Eva,

    Do you work at the counselling centre your name links us to? Or have you used it and want to recommend it? I see there is a male counsellor advertising there, and recommending the COSA meetings for spouses.

    Just wondering. I sometimes find your posts sound like someone paid to post something so that the link gets on the site. Please forgive me, Eva, if that is not the case.

    The reference to the “essence of being a good wife and mother” also doesn’t quite sit well with me, since “being a good wife” is a long time and well known obligation placed upon women no matter what their husbands do–which would be the “despite everything” part of your posting. I’m sure you didn’t mean to suggest women should worry more about being a good wife than getting themselves and their children out of harms way. For someone linking us to a counselling site, I would think your posts would be more careful with such loaded phrases in the context of abused and traumatized women. But hey, maybe that’s just me talking with over two decades working with people in crisis.

    Just for the record, I haven’t read one post from a woman that has not demonstrated care and concern for family. People here do talk about parental responsibiities to get children out of harms way, particularly where SA’s have brought porn into the home and in their ‘trance-like” state, leave it around for children to discover. Sometimes that means getting the SA to leave, or leaving the SA. These women are also caring for their families. Some of those are also leaving SA’s because they want to model to their children that you don’t have to stay in emotionally abusive situations, so their kids don’t make the same mistakes. That is also good wife and mother material. Others are doing everything to keep families under one roof for many different reasons. Even when I disagree with what they might post, I know without a shadow of doubt they are struggling to do their very best in the middle of nightmare. They also are good wives, and good mothers, is someone feels the need to judge them.

    So, Eva, tell a little more about what you are bringing to the table here. Are you a therapist? A survivor of a relationship with an SA? A marketer? An employee of the site you link us to?

    I know you will agree that on a site where the people posting are bearing their souls about the personal devastation they are enduring, the enormous stress of trying to find a safe place for themselves and their children, the legacy of pain and the added trauma experienced at the hands of so-called professional, the religious questions they are carrying, the darker sides of their own souls discovered in their rage, and the pleas for help—-it would be a really stupid idea to devalue the sacredness of that and just post some “marmalade sentences” to market another site—I mean who would contact a counselling site that had done that! I’m sure you agree. And again, i would love to know that was not the case here.

    thanks so much.

  11. We’ll see what Eva has to say. If we don’t here from her soon her comment as well as her link will be removed.

    It’s so hard to police all these comments, and I purposely allow all comments to be posted immediately, as I feel that some writers need help and support as quickly as possible.

  12. JoAnn,
    you can’t be the police officer day and night. You have more important skills to share, here, and people need to be able to connect with you. Our community needs to self-regulate with grace, as much as possible. And maybe I’m just the suspicious type (a side effect of being oblivious to my husband’s addiction for 30 years?)

    I personally have no trouble with a counselling site being linked to a post (even when it’s a counselling site that recommends COSA–your position of offering many viewpoints is precious)–as long as the post comes from a real person who is genuinely connected to our situations. I really do think our work and sharing here is sacred–for better or worse.

    We are very grateful, JoAnn.

  13. Thanks Diane,

    I don’t have a problem with links either, and I welcome opinions that differ from my own, but it is just a common courtesy to share links, not just sneak in a one way link. But, most of the time I just let it go if they seem authentic and are here to share and not just promote their own site. Eva’s comment was very generic and I’m glad you questioned her.

    We don’t need any ‘Monday morning quarterbacks’ reading this site just for fun, sitting in judgment or offering half baked opinions that are not backed by personal experience. This is a very personal place, generated with love and tears for those who need it.

  14. Wow. As a SA, I really didn’t know the degree of how much I hurt my wife of 25 years. Since she is rather stoic, I can only guess. If she feels anything like you ladies – and I suspect she does – then I have a lot of mending to do.
    I wish she would share with me all these things you ladies have said and feel. I deserve it – but more than that, I want her to know that I still care for her, love her and want to be there for her…even though I am the cause of much of her pain and angst. I feel powerless to help her even if I had all my behaviors under control (and that is getting much better).
    What pains me the most is that I blamed her in the beginning (when I was in denial) for much of my behavior. Man, am I sorry for that. That just shattered her fragile self-esteem and fed every insecurity she ever had.

    If she left me or stayed and never wanted sex again, I really couldn’t blame her……..


    *I have a recover blog I use to work through my issues if anyone is interested. LINK DELETED! (Comment left for continuity)…JoAnn

    I will say a prayer for all of you….

  15. Keep your prayers for yourself.

    I visited your site where, in reference to JoAnn’s site and the postings you found here, you say “I had no idea wives were so emotionally fragile”. Cue the eye roll.

    Is there no end to the SA need to feel powerful? Spare us the grandiose benevolence. We’ve seen it all before. It just means you haven’t found your truth yet. And clearly your wife knows it. If she’s not interested in your act, I’m certainly not buying it.

    We’re not so emotionally fragile that we don’t recognize a patronizing and arrogant SA who can’t resist propping up his own metanoia myth by suggesting we are “so emotionally fragile”, and then decorate it all with some pictures of Jesus and Bible verses. So now I guess you feel divinely powerful. Gag me with a spoon.

    What you did your wife’s insecurities is nothing compared to what you did to her security, the things she had right to expect from you, the mutuality you aren’t man enough to give her, her basic needs for sexual, emotional, spiritual and mental satisfaction. That’s not about her insecurities, it’s about her husband coming up short.

    Here’s a prayer—God help your wife. Send her over. I’ll bet she’s not all that stoic. She just sees through the veneer of words for what it is—still all about you.

  16. Wow Diane! It is exactly a month for me since my discovery… and tonight I ventured out of the only place I had posted so far (Share your Story). I too spent at least 2 hours on Jeff’s blog, and found lots to read, including some stomach churning tales of his abuse (which made me recall a few of my own unpleasant memories of childhood). I did not get what you got above. Have to say, you have a great ability to see through things and call out the subtle ways that women are put down by SA men. I do think this guy Jeff is working hard at his issues and I applaud him for taking his sh*t to a blog where we all can learn from the perspective of the SA, and use the info to help us heal and recognize what it is we want to avoid. But your post makes me question if I have doormat etched into my psyche or if there is just enough of my psyche left that is salvageable enough for a new relationship at some point in the future. Either way, I am very grateful to find both sides of the coin represented here online. His story and your story and all these stories are helping me put my own into sharper perspective. Funny that the internet contributes to sexual abuse and can help us heal from it too.
    love ~ LaLunaMar

  17. Hi LaLunaMar,
    Great name!

    I have learned that the SA recovery track is itself an opportunity for more self-absorption and acting out. There is usually an early brush with awareness, some admissions and honesty, and then it stalls out as the egoic need that is not being fed by sexual acting out thrashes around looking for something to do for itself. For those SA’s who keep going deeper, this is just a stage along the way—but for some it’s where they land and stay.

    On Jeff’s blog, the give-a-way is his telling of his triumphant quest to have sex with his wife, and his description of his erection, and whether he fondles her breasts etc. All with symbols from my faith, and images from my sacred stories used to decorate his site. (hence gag me with a spoon)

    Faithful husbands sincerely in recovery DO NOT use the details of an intimate sexual moment with their wives as material to post on the internet. Nor do they brag about it. His “recovery blog” here is just sexual exhibitionism vaguely hiding behind his myth of his commitment to recovery. I also recall his posts of other sex exploits when he was “acting out”—as if putting them on the internet wasn’t “acting out”.

    This guy is looking for an audience… which is probably why he decidede to take his show on the road. But when he takes it here, he gets what he gets.

    I actually do hope this man stops the performance, gets off the internet and into serious therapy and recovery program. He deserves to have a life—a real life. And the faith to which all those images point and all those symbols confess—it will be there for him too.

    And yes, most SA’s have hideous stories of abuse of every kind at the root of their addictive behviours. On that aspect, my compassion is for them, as it is for my own husband and his story of abuse at his mother’s hands. When they use that story to build their new platform for acting out, however, its just the same old same old.

    But you are right about the learning curve. It comes steep and fast. Stay steady and you will find your way, I know.


  18. Diane,

    Bravo! I think in Indiana, we called it “gag me with a forklift.” lol— but yes, as always, you are right on the money, honey and our Guardian Angel.:) What really made me shudder, is that he has been in so-called “recovery” for THREE years and ran a “recovery group” and was even a sponsor. Holy Crap!!!!!!!!! However, yes, if his story is true about his childhood, then yes— that is very sad and I do hope that he finds the healing and wellness he thinks he is seeking.

    For LaLuna— Sweetie, I don’t think that you’re a doormat at all. I think you are a romantic, loving, perhaps a bit too idealistic and trusting, but not a doormat.

    I am that way too, or was and that is how I recognize it. I just naturally assume that most people are “good” unless they are obviously nasty and mean.

    Now, this is where it gets interesting, because a lot of really “nice” people are anything but… If it seems to good to be true… well… many Axioms do hold up.



  19. What a person thinks about-puts thier energy towards-is Who they are. He is feeding the very behaviors he says he is working on. Please do not use the term “ladies”-(females canuse it)-Anything other than Female or Woman is offensive and derogatory-we are just another way for him to have contact with females to justify to his wife.
    Men and women from healthy family are getting hooked on porn, etc, simply from ease of access.
    Some can turn away-others go on to become an addict.

  20. Jeff…
    I found it truly disturbing that A)there is a provocative picture that comes up on my computer screen when I go to visit your blog and B)that you refer to other men’s infidelities as “banging another woman”. I just recently found out about my husband’s SA and these wounds are gaping and bleeding and probably even devestatingly infected. For you to throw such casualty in our faces (sorry if I am overstepping my boundaries ladies, Im just shocked), shows me the true depth of this sickness. You really have no clue, sir. I am left to deal with mental images I care never to settle my mind on. And your words are nothing but salt to my wounds.

  21. I’m so sorry Elise, it just slipped my mind that the link was still there. I have removed it so that no one else will be subjected to this sick bastard’s twisted idea of recovery.

  22. JoAnn…no need to apologize. You can’t catch them all. I just really find it sad that a place built for hope can be infiltrated within the disguise of trying to help. This disease makes me ill.

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