In my internet research I ran across a story that just brought me to action. I have been commenting on this young woman’s story, but I really felt that she could benefit from some sage advice. So, I am copying her story here, along with my comments. To give credit, I have included a link to the original post at the end of this post.
I recently (1 month ago) started to get to know a guy from my church through mutual friends. We really hit it off and would talk for hours and hours. We have so much in common and we just really enjoy each other so much. There had been comments along the way of flirting, and naturally I started to have feelings for him.
We had gotten together in group settings to go out and always have a great time. So much fun. Once a week, we get together for lunch with a friend, but sometimes its just the 2 of us.
Well, a few days ago, I admitted that I had begun thinking of him romantically. He was flattered and thinks I am amazing as well. BUT he is coming out of a recent breakup (3 months ago) with a girl he intended to marry. He said he’d really done some stuff that hurt her. So because of that and “other things” he is just not interested in pursuing anyone right now. And that he hoped we could still be friends and not have any awkwardness.
I saw him a few hours later at an event at church and he didn’t avoid me at all. We were as comfortable as always with each other and sat next to each other during worship. That was really special to worship with him. We both love God so much and want to do right by Him. We each went home and went online and ended up having an incredible talk. We shared our very personal life stories.
During this long talk, he trusted me with a very big struggle of his. He is a recovering sex addict. He goes to a group weekly and he says he is doing very well. But that is why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship at all right now.
Knowing this definitely made me think—and I have been doing research about what he is dealing with and what partners of sex addicts face. I understand the risks, but in the end, I still have feelings for him. And if he continues this group therapy that is helping him, I would definitely still be interested in having a relationship with him.
But I know and understand without a shadow of any doubt, that right now he needs to be single, and I completely support him on that. What I don’t want, though, is for him to consider me only a friend after many months of me just being a friend for him.
At the same time, I don’t want to be flirtatious and give him any difficulties in his recovery process.
How would you recommend I proceed with him?
Here is a link to the original post: