Laughable Lies

comedy_tragedySometimes it helps to take a look at the comical side of tragedy. Now I know that Sex Addiction is no laughing matter, but often the excuses are. And, not only are the stories uncreative, implausible and transparent it is also comical that they somehow think their tall tales will convince us of their innocence. Sometimes I think they all went to the same school of absurdity as almost all Sex Addicts come up with the same lines. Here are a few of my favorites:

I swear, it was the very first time I ever did that.
It was only once.
It was only twice.
I never intended to meet her, I was just playing mind games with her.
I never intended to do anything, I just wanted to meet her.
We’re just friends.
She propositioned me.
I was just curious.
I was just testing myself.
I just wanted to see if I could resist the temptation.
I don’t know how those porn sites got on my computer.
Porn sites pop up on everyone’s computer.
I spent all that money on stuff for the office.
I must have gotten it from a toilet seat.
It doesn’t mean anything if I just look.
The (credit card company), (bank), (telephone company) must have made a mistake.
You are imagining things.
That stuff must belong to our son.
You wouldn’t understand–it’s a guy thing.
It’s just entertainment, it doesn’t mean anything.
I just have a high sex drive.
I’m not as bad as some guys.
I only look at pictures, what’s so bad about that?
I wasn’t lying, I was protecting you.

And my favorite, when all else fails…

I don’t remember!

A half-truth is a whole lie. ~ Jewish Proverb

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Responses

  1. LOL..let me add a few my man came up with when i found text messages going over 2 hours to numbers belonging to women i had not even heard of.

    1)She is doing work for my company and since she works night shifts at her job those are her working hours and hence i text her about work at 2 in the night !!

    2)She is my school friend. Yeah right, she is 39 and he is 50.!!

    3)His explanations about the pics of a girl i found in his mailbox hidden away in a folder marked personal…i met her at a biz event and she asked me to click her pics.(Yeah a 32 yr old married kid asks a 50 yr old married man she met for the first time a t a biz event to click HER pics and he uses His cell to do it.And he forgot that the background clearly showed that it was in the privacy of a hotel room !!..he then uploads the pics from the cell to his PC stores them in his mailbox and sends a copy of those pics to her !!)

    4)Another of a pic of the same married girl shows a bed in the background..when asked , in a hurry to explain away the bed, tells me i wasn’t there its her bedroom in her house .(Yeah a girl you met at a biz event sends you her pic she clicked in her bedroom she shares with her husband and i am supposed to think thats a normal and regular thing…of course i found out later that he had picked her up from an online chat room..that explained her pic in her bedroom that she sent..the other 2 clicked in the hotel room were clicked after he had slept with her.I nailed down his lie when i tracked down that the furniture showing in the background was the exact same furniture in the hotel room he was staying in on the day the pic was taken.

    5)The first time he flew a 1000 miles to meet this online pickup and stayed at a hotel with her booking 2 separate rooms.When i showed him both the bills he says i had told you i was on a biz trip to that city and how would i know if she is staying in the same hotel..yeah right the hotel was a small one and had just 20 rooms and he doesnt know the girl, whose pics he has in his mailbox, was staying in the same hotel in an adjacent room!!

    I of course walked out of the relationship.I found out he was visiting prostitues as well.

    And the most amazing part, after presenting him with all the evidence and then telling him its over he tells me its was just this one time with this girl and couldnt see that as a reason for me to walk out !!

    Of course , at that time i was shattered.Its only with passage of time that i can see the absurdity of his lies , shake my head a bit and allow myself a tiny smile at the quasi comedy !!

  2. It has been over 2 years since I unearthed the truth about my husband’s sex addictions and he still
    says our favorite line “I don’t remember.” In fact I have heard all those laughable lies (with the exception of 3 of them.)

  3. Mine screwed up and called me instead of one of his affairs. He told on himself and the search began! He didn’t even realize he had called ME….repeated himself, what a dork, in so many many ways.
    They’re kinda stupid…..and that is pretty funny, cause they think they are so smart.
    Mine writes to women to tell him of his genius, at the same time he lies to a 20 year old (he is over 50) telling her he is a multi millionare…..he got fired 6 months ago (26 years and an executive who screwed it up all by himself!) and is to the sky in debt because of his addiction. Have to show off and be the big man and take the strippers on shopping sprees! Whataman.
    I laugh a lot these days, because karma is a beautiful thing!

  4. At one point when we were dating, Scott told me that he had (oops!)put his profile on a dating site. He said that in his profile he had written that he had met the woman of his dreams (who was, in this twisted scenario…me) but was looking for pen pals. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…can you believe that anyone could make up a more stupid lie? (Five days before he had told me that he realized that I was his “destiny” which I bought hook, line, and stinker.) Anyway he went on to say that one of his “penpals” lived in another state, though I am not convinced that she didn’t live in our area and they had talked on the phone a lot (or screwed in a motel room a lot…) but he thought of her more as a “business partner” and that in their conversations they found that their connection was so strong that they felt that they were “twins” but not romance material…..although there was the fact that she was so tuned into him that she could “sense” when he was having a hard time and like magic! would text to see if he was OK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA The next day he was saying that she COULD his one true love. At that point I broke it off with him and we didn’t see each other for over a year but then I jumped back into the frying pan again when he convinced me that he had made progress in his recovery. Laughable lies all!

  5. I need to brighten my day, and I think sharing a laughable lie will help. I’ve heard many of the ones above, but my personal favourite is this. After I confronted him with evidence of a video (posted on the internet) of him masturbating, made on MY computer and taken in OUR bedroom, his response was “That’s not my penis – it’s too small.” Yes, it is 🙂

  6. Interesting…i could have been the author of this. Thanks to D for sending me this link. It is sad and scarey how we (SA’s) desperately protect what hurts us the most.

  7. I need help, I feel like I’m going out my mind. Should I leave? I ask myself…..will things ever get better. So many unanswered question, I get excuse after excuse. First time I chose to forgive. Second time? Why am I still here. They tell you want you want to here, believing them that things will change!!! Need advice x