Unlike many women who visit your site I knew about my husbands sex addiction when I married him. He is not only a sex addict but a convicted felon and registered sex offender who spent 10 years in the penal system
We had been married less than one year before all of my hopes for the future were ripped away from me. Less than 10 months after I was married, I caught the love of my life with someone else. I did not know then, as I know now, that his affair was simply a symptom of the broader, secret addiction haunting his life.
Sometimes letters from my readers really touch my soul. I get many private e-mails through the 'Contact' page, which I always answer. Sometimes one will really take me back. Here is my answer to one of those that talked about finding out those devastating facts while monitoring her husband's computer.
Yes, I have heard, and sadly have previously agreed, that prostitution always has and always will be around, so why not just legalize it? But there was always that nagging hurt inside of me for the women. Something just wasn't right about legalizing an industry that exploits women. An industry that caters to the base instincts of men who think that money can buy another human being and allow them to use and abuse that human being in any way they choose. An industry where men, and only men--the johns and the pimps, benefit at the expense of the objectified and abused women.
Our path to recovery starts with discovery. The ways that each of us find out about our spouse’s Sexual Addiction are as varied as the types of addiction. Some of us are jolted into painful reality with a phone call from the local jail, the other woman or man, or just by having to face the overwhelming evidence that we have been trying to ignore. Rarely, our spouse may have become so distressed with their way of life that they will shock us with a confession. But, however it happens, the initial discovery is only the beginning. It took over four years for my husband to reveal the full spectrum of his addictive activities. This partial disclosure is quite common among Sex Addicts. Often those who are confronted will vehemently deny any wrongdoing and only fess up to what absolutely cannot be denied. This kind of behavior can make you crazy. Not only is the frustration enough to make you want to scream, but over time a more insidious pattern emerges where we begin to doubt ourselves. […]
Is there really such a thing as Sexual Addiction? Is Sex Addiction an uncontrollable, inbred, genetic disorder that cannot be reversed or cured? Is Sex Addiction a psychological disorder brought about by childhood trauma or abuse? Or, are Sex Addicts simply self-centered, immature and immoral jerks; individuals who lack impulse control and who seek pleasurable experiences without considering the consequences? Ask ten counselors or psychiatrists and you will probably get at least that many answers. The major 12 step groups for Sex Addicts have varying but similar views […]
Wow! You can’t get more mainstream than the Wall Street Journal! In my research I ran across this article and was impressed by it’s no-nonsense approach and helpful links. Oprah, Good Morning America, Dr. Phil and many others in the media have done much to educate the public about the problem of Sex Addiction and as the public becomes more aware of the seriousness of this issue the stigma and sensationalism of the topic will hopefully decline. I am optimistic that this education of the masses will have a positive ripple effect on all Sex Addicts. Sexual Addiction is based on shame. The addict, for whatever reason, […]
Probably the most controversial issue surrounding addictions of all types is recovery. Most recovery programs are based on the AA 12 step model. Statistics are difficult to decipher and recovery rates vary from 5% to almost 100%. The higher stats don’t take into account all the members who come to a few meetings and, for whatever reason, never return. Of course, those who stay will claim a 100% recovery rate. Scientific data on the 12 step programs show that the recovery rate is almost exactly the same as no intervention at all, which will result in a spontaneous recovery of about 5% of addicts. It is unfortunate that the mindset of our society is […]
As if spouses and partners of Sex Addicts don't have enough problems sometimes the media just adds to our grief by perpetuating myths thinly cloaked as science. While searching the internet for resources for my book I came across an article claiming that Sex Addiction is in the genes. "The [...]
I have doing a lot of research for my book and one of the most interesting subjects is the role of chemicals in the brain and how imbalances may contribute to Sexual Addiction. While doing the research I had some insight into my husband’s recovery as a Sex Addict. My husband has been completely sober from Sex Addiction for two years, which is stunning considering he could never go more than a few months before. What is interesting is that about three years ago he started taking the medication Wellbutrin to help him stop smoking. This is actually an antidepressant but it has also been found to help smokers quit. He didn’t stop smoking but we did notice an improvement in his mood swings, so we had his doctor continue the drug. When his moods started swinging again, the doctor increased his dosage and he has been remarkably stable ever since. Then, he started on Chantix, […]