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Sex Addict Spouses

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Discovery

Our path to recovery starts with discovery. The ways that each of us find out about our spouse’s Sexual Addiction are as varied as the types of addiction. Some of us are jolted into painful reality with a phone call from the local jail, the other woman or man, or just by having to face the overwhelming evidence that we have been trying to ignore. Rarely, our spouse may have become so distressed with their way of life that they will shock us with a confession. But, however it happens, the initial discovery is only the beginning. It took over four years for my husband to reveal the full spectrum of his addictive activities. This partial disclosure is quite common among Sex Addicts. Often those who are confronted will vehemently deny any wrongdoing and only fess up to what absolutely cannot be denied. This kind of behavior can make you crazy. Not only is the frustration enough to make you want to scream, but over time a more insidious pattern emerges where we begin to doubt ourselves. […]

Laughable Lies

Sometimes it helps to take a look at the comical side of tragedy. Now I know that Sex Addiction is no laughing matter, but often the excuses are. And, not only are the stories uncreative, implausible and transparent it is also comical that they somehow think their tall tales will convince us of their innocence. Sometimes I think they all went to the same school of absurdity as almost all Sex Addicts come up with the same lines. Here are a few of my favorites: I swear, it was the very first time I ever did that. It was only once. It was only twice. I never intended to meet her, I was just playing mind games with her. I never intended to do anything, I just wanted to meet her. […]

COSA Revisited

Well, I went to my second COSA meeting this week

Excerpt From The Book ‘Married To A Sex Addict’

Everything You NEVER WANTED TO KNOW About Sex Addiction Okay, you know all the definitions and, like myself, you may even wonder if Sex Addiction is a real disease or just a convenient cop out for bad behavior. But, semantics aside, the problem is very real, so let me put in my two cents and tell you what I think Sex Addiction is. First, let me clarify that for lack of a better term, I will continue to use the term Sex Addict for the person who engages in behaviors that are addressed in this book. […]

Does COSA Help Or Hurt Spouses Of Sex Addicts?

I still have major objections to the implication that a spouse or partner of a sex addict needs to accept the tenants of the 12 steps.

Sex Addiction–Fact or Fiction?

Is there really such a thing as Sexual Addiction? Is Sex Addiction an uncontrollable, inbred, genetic disorder that cannot be reversed or cured? Is Sex Addiction a psychological disorder brought about by childhood trauma or abuse? Or, are Sex Addicts simply self-centered, immature and immoral jerks; individuals who lack impulse control and who seek pleasurable experiences without considering the consequences? Ask ten counselors or psychiatrists and you will probably get at least that many answers. The major 12 step groups for Sex Addicts have varying but similar views […]

Media Coverage Of Sex Addiction Can Help Alleviate Shame

Wow! You can’t get more mainstream than the Wall Street Journal! In my research I ran across this article and was impressed by it’s no-nonsense approach and helpful links. Oprah, Good Morning America, Dr. Phil and many others in the media have done much to educate the public about the problem of Sex Addiction and as the public becomes more aware of the seriousness of this issue the stigma and sensationalism of the topic will hopefully decline. I am optimistic that this education of the masses will have a positive ripple effect on all Sex Addicts. Sexual Addiction is based on shame. The addict, for whatever reason, […]

Addiction Recovery

Probably the most controversial issue surrounding addictions of all types is recovery. Most recovery programs are based on the AA 12 step model. Statistics are difficult to decipher and recovery rates vary from 5% to almost 100%. The higher stats don’t take into account all the members who come to a few meetings and, for whatever reason, never return. Of course, those who stay will claim a 100% recovery rate. Scientific data on the 12 step programs show that the recovery rate is almost exactly the same as no intervention at all, which will result in a spontaneous recovery of about 5% of addicts. It is unfortunate that the mindset of our society is […]

Addicted To Sex or Dopamine?

Dopamine is a naturally produced chemical that stimulates certain parts of our brains during pleasurable activities such as sex. For that reason it has been dubbed the 'pleasure chemical'.

Fostering Myths About Sex Addiction

As if spouses and partners of Sex Addicts don't have enough problems sometimes the media just adds to our grief by perpetuating myths thinly cloaked as science. While searching the internet for resources for my book I came across an article claiming that Sex Addiction is in the genes. "The [...]

Can Medication Help Sex Addicts?

I have doing a lot of research for my book and one of the most interesting subjects is the role of chemicals in the brain and how imbalances may contribute to Sexual Addiction. While doing the research I had some insight into my husband’s recovery as a Sex Addict. My husband has been completely sober from Sex Addiction for two years, which is stunning considering he could never go more than a few months before. What is interesting is that about three years ago he started taking the medication Wellbutrin to help him stop smoking. This is actually an antidepressant but it has also been found to help smokers quit. He didn’t stop smoking but we did notice an improvement in his mood swings, so we had his doctor continue the drug. When his moods started swinging again, the doctor increased his dosage and he has been remarkably stable ever since. Then, he started on Chantix, […]

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