Heaven’s Just A Thought Away
One of the reasons Sex Addicts have such a hard time with recovery is the easy and free access to their mood-altered state...fantasy. Sex Addicts are able to trigger a hit of the pleasure chemical, Dopamine,
What Do You Need?
What do you need right now from your Sex Addict partner or spouse? For me, the most important piece in our recovery was honest communication. Until my husband got rid…
Intensity Is The Sex Addict’s High
It’s difficult to understand how someone can become addicted to an activity or behavior such as shopping, eating, gambling or sex. We can understand chemical addictions because it is so straight forward–put the chemical into your body and get a measurable physical reaction. There are levels of the chemical in the bloodstream, visible signs of impairment and serious reactions if the drug is withdrawn. But, in the case of non-chemical addictions the signs are subtle or non existent. Addictions to behavioral processes are called “process addictions.” The process of engaging in these behaviors leads to typical addiction symptoms (withdrawal, tolerance, heightened excitement or euphoria). (more…)
Grieving Your Losses Part 2
Ahhhhhh…ANGER! If you are not familiar with it you better get used to living with your new best friend. Anger is the second stage of grief and for most of us who are confronted with our spouse’s Sex Addiction it is the emotion that stays with us the longest.
Now, some people, such as counselors, co-12 step groups and the like will advise that we should avoid outbursts of anger and that we need to act in a ‘mature’ manner; that anger will have a negative effect on communication or that our expression of anger will cause the addict to withdraw and feel more shame.
Well, sorry, I beg to differ here (and that’s putting it mildly). Unless and until you get all your anger out, (more…)
Grieving Your Losses Part 1
When you find out that your spouse or partner is a Sex Addict a piece of you dies. You lose your sense of reality and equilibrium, your self esteem, your lifestyle, your hope and your trust. It’s as if everything you believed in and everything that existed has suddenly been shattered. The world you thought was real disappears, leaving behind a dark and ugly landscape strewn with lies and deception. The person you love is suddenly a stranger and you no longer feel safe in your own home. (more…)
Staggered Disclosures
Why can’t they just tell me everything and get it over with?
That is probably the most painful cry of spouses and partners of Sex Addicts. We get information in bits and pieces, or as one woman put it, ‘on the installment plan’. Even when confronted with black and white evidence Sex Addicts just can’t seem to admit what they have done. Even though we beg them for the whole story we only get a few paragraphs at a time.
And every time a new ‘truth’ comes out, every time we hear another contradiction or find out about another lie we feel as if the old wounds have been ripped open and doused with salt. And with every new disclosure we are thrown back to square one, left to start all over again picking up the pieces (more…)
Sex Addiction–Fact or Fiction?
Is there really such a thing as Sexual Addiction? Is Sex Addiction an uncontrollable, inbred, genetic disorder that cannot be reversed or cured? Is Sex Addiction a psychological disorder brought about by childhood trauma or abuse? Or, are Sex Addicts simply self-centered, immature and immoral jerks; individuals who lack impulse control and who seek pleasurable experiences without considering the consequences?
Ask ten counselors or psychiatrists and you will probably get at least that many answers. The major 12 step groups for Sex Addicts have varying but similar views (more…)
Media Coverage Of Sex Addiction Can Help Alleviate Shame
Wow! You can’t get more mainstream than the Wall Street Journal! In my research I ran across this article and was impressed by it’s no-nonsense approach and helpful links.
Oprah, Good Morning America, Dr. Phil and many others in the media have done much to educate the public about the problem of Sex Addiction and as the public becomes more aware of the seriousness of this issue the stigma and sensationalism of the topic will hopefully decline. I am optimistic that this education of the masses will have a positive ripple effect on all Sex Addicts.
Sexual Addiction is based on shame. The addict, for whatever reason, (more…)
Addiction Recovery
Probably the most controversial issue surrounding addictions of all types is recovery. Most recovery programs are based on the AA 12 step model. Statistics are difficult to decipher and recovery rates vary from 5% to almost 100%. The higher stats don’t take into account all the members who come to a few meetings and, for whatever reason, never return. Of course, those who stay will claim a 100% recovery rate.
Scientific data on the 12 step programs show that the recovery rate is almost exactly the same as no intervention at all, which will result in a spontaneous recovery of about 5% of addicts. It is unfortunate that the mindset of our society is (more…)
It’s Always About The Lies
From my journal: It always comes down to this when dealing with a Sex Addict. It's not about what they do, although that is vitally important, it's more about what…
Fostering Myths About Sex Addiction
As if spouses and partners of Sex Addicts don't have enough problems sometimes the media just adds to our grief by perpetuating myths thinly cloaked as science. While searching the…
Can Medication Help Sex Addicts?
This article was originally published on June 14, 2009 and updated on March 5, 2019. Medications serve an important role in the treatment of mental disorders so I wondered, can…