Hello everyone! Welcome to my new blog. My name is JoAnn and I am married to a Sex Addict. Needless to say, the last four years, and the two years before my marriage, have been stressful, painful, disruptive and emotionally devastating. But, amid the chaos there also came a sense of growth, understanding and knowledge. When I found out that my husband of three and a half months had a thousand dollar a month prostitute
This article was originally published on June 14, 2009 and updated on March 5, 2019. Medications serve an important role in the treatment of mental disorders so I wondered, can medication help sex addicts stop acting out? One of the more interesting subjects is the role of chemicals in the brain and how imbalances may contribute to sexual addiction. While doing some research I had an insight into my husband’s recovery as a sex addict.
As if spouses and partners of Sex Addicts don’t have enough problems sometimes the media just adds to our grief by perpetuating myths thinly cloaked as science. While searching the internet for resources for my book I came across an article claiming that Sex Addiction is in the genes. “The new research centres on a gene called D4, which is involved in the brain’s reaction to the pleasure chemical dopamine. People with one particular variation
Dopamine is a naturally produced chemical that stimulates certain parts of our brains during pleasurable activities such as sex. For that reason it has been dubbed the ‘pleasure chemical’.
From my journal: It always comes down to this when dealing with a Sex Addict. It’s not about what they do, although that is vitally important, it’s more about what they say. It’s always about the lies. The lies will get you every time. The lies will cause the doubts. The lies will crumble the foundation of your relationship and it’s the lies that will destroy the trust. Picture this scenario: He casually mentions having
Probably the most controversial issue surrounding addictions of all types is recovery. Most recovery programs are based on the AA 12 step model. Statistics are difficult to decipher and recovery rates vary from 5% to almost 100%. The higher stats don’t take into account all the members who come to a few meetings and, for whatever reason, never return. Of course, those who stay will claim a 100% recovery rate. Scientific data on the 12
Wow! You can’t get more mainstream than the Wall Street Journal! In my research I ran across this article and was impressed by it’s no-nonsense approach and helpful links. Oprah, Good Morning America, Dr. Phil and many others in the media have done much to educate the public about the problem of Sex Addiction and as the public becomes more aware of the seriousness of this issue the stigma and sensationalism of the topic will
Can you believe that? After years of separation, counseling, 12 step meetings, soul searching and an ungodly amount of time spent in discussions over his addiction, my husband had the nerve to claim that he had never cheated on me. Okay, let’s see, hundreds of hookers, three to five times a week, sometimes twice a day, days before and days after our wedding–but he was never unfaithful! Who’s the crazy one here? This was our
Here are some interesting comments from some of my friends about my last post–thank you everyone for sharing: Yes, when a sex addict acts out, it is cheating. The only difference between the cheating a non-addict might engage in and the cheating a sex addict engages in is the relationship the cheater has with the cheating. For a non-addict, the cheating may be a symptom of a particularly tough time in his life, marriage problems,
Is there really such a thing as Sexual Addiction? Is Sex Addiction an uncontrollable, inbred, genetic disorder that cannot be reversed or cured? Is Sex Addiction a psychological disorder brought about by childhood trauma or abuse? Or, are Sex Addicts simply self-centered, immature and immoral jerks; individuals who lack impulse control and who seek pleasurable experiences without considering the consequences? Ask ten counselors or psychiatrists and you will probably get at least that many answers.
I still have major objections to the implication that a spouse or partner of a sex addict needs to accept the tenants of the 12 steps.
Well, I went to my second COSA meeting this week
Don’t be surprised if you see new colors and unfamiliar backgrounds here– it’s still the same place with a fresh coat of paint. I decided it was time for a change and I am still working through some of the glitches, but hopefully all will work well with my new look. Just because everything is different doesn’t mean anything has changed. ~ Irene Peter
This is one of my favorite videos. It’s a great song, has phenomenal editing and it makes me remember just how important we all are to each other. Stay connected and stand by each other. https://playingforchange.com/videos/stand-by-me-song-around-the-world/ Never doubt that a small, group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. ~ Margaret Meade
Why can’t they just tell me everything and get it over with? That is probably the most painful cry of spouses and partners of Sex Addicts. We get information in bits and pieces, or as one woman put it, ‘on the installment plan’. Even when confronted with black and white evidence Sex Addicts just can’t seem to admit what they have done. Even though we beg them for the whole story we only get a
When you find out that your spouse or partner is a Sex Addict a piece of you dies. You lose your sense of reality and equilibrium, your self esteem, your lifestyle, your hope and your trust. It’s as if everything you believed in and everything that existed has suddenly been shattered. The world you thought was real disappears, leaving behind a dark and ugly landscape strewn with lies and deception. The person you love is
My husband and I just returned from a Caribbean cruise. I knew the environment would have challenges for him, but I was pleasantly surprised as he really did well. The pool area provided unlimited eye candy with many young things wearing not much more than three postage stamps. Fortunately I am in a place now where I know that if he slips back into his old ways I will be able to recognize it immediately,
Sex Addicts live in a rigid, limited world. It’s an absolute black and white existence without any nuances of gray. Their world is either right or wrong, good or bad, all or nothing, always or never. Life is either 100% one way or the other; 50-50 just does not compute. They do not reason, compromise or work things out. Everything is placed in it’s left or right, black or white category never to be pondered
Ahhhhhh…ANGER! If you are not familiar with it you better get used to living with your new best friend. Anger is the second stage of grief and for most of us who are confronted with our spouse’s Sex Addiction it is the emotion that stays with us the longest. Now, some people, such as counselors, co-12 step groups and the like will advise that we should avoid outbursts of anger and that we need to
Just imagine…A group meeting where kindred souls come together; a place of sharing and empowerment, discussions and suggestions; each strengthening and supporting without dogma, authoritarianism or judgment. A place to ask for and give advice. A place to find comfort and direction. A place where emotions can be expressed without fear of criticism. A place where the only rules are to maintain kindness toward each other. A place where secrecy is unnecessary and shame does