Discovery

Our path to recovery starts with discovery. The ways that each of us find out about our spouse’s Sexual Addiction are as varied as the types of addiction. Some of us are jolted into painful reality with a phone call from the local jail, the other woman or man, or just by having to face the overwhelming evidence that we have been trying to ignore. Rarely, our spouse may have become so distressed with their way of life that they will shock us with a confession.

But, however it happens, the initial discovery is only the beginning. It took over four years for my husband to reveal the full spectrum of his addictive activities. This partial disclosure is quite common among Sex Addicts. Often those who are confronted will vehemently deny any wrongdoing and only fess up to what absolutely cannot be denied. This kind of behavior can make you crazy. Not only is the frustration enough to make you want to scream, but over time a more insidious pattern emerges where we begin to doubt ourselves. (more…)

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Depression and Sex Addiction

As we know, there is no ‘magic pill’ for Sex Addiction, but there may be some hope for the large percentage of addicts who suffer from depression.

I remember my life before my husband started taking antidepressants. It was pure HELL! Not only was he acting out (which I didn’t know) but he was the classic Mr. Doom and Gloom. Nothing was ever right. If it was raining it was ‘crappy outside’. If the sun was out it was ‘too damn hot’, if it was Tuesday…well, you get the picture. He was just miserable to live with and he made everyone around him miserable too.

He refused to discuss depression with his doctor claiming that he was not depressed, he was just feeling down about his life circumstances–an ex wife from hell, an estranged relationship with his daughters, superiors at work who didn’t like him–oh he always had an excuse. (more…)

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Setting Boundaries

line-in-the-sandAn important part of staying in a relationship with a Sex Addict is setting boundaries. These boundaries let the Sex Addict know that they can no longer abuse you and that you value yourself and have the self confidence to stand up for what you know is right for you. These boundaries also act as the ‘line in the sand’ that makes very clear what actions you will not accept from your spouse or partner. (more…)

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How Did You Find Out?

WomanCryingThe book is coming along nicely and yesterday I was working on a section about Discovery–how and when we find out that our spouse or partner is a Sex Addict.

I can remember the day I found out as if it were yesterday. It was a Thursday and I was off work. While sorting through the stack of mail from the previous few days I noticed that a bank statement that I had seen come in was missing. (more…)

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The Triple Whammy High Of Sex Addiction

brain-regionsOne of the most difficult aspects to understand about Sex Addiction is why the addict will risk their marriages, careers, family, children, financial security, social status and literally their entire life for the seemingly small reward of a quick sexual encounter. We non addicts just can’t make sense of it all. (more…)

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Grieving Your Losses Part 1

grief1When you find out that your spouse or partner is a Sex Addict a piece of you dies. You lose your sense of reality and equilibrium, your self esteem, your lifestyle, your hope and your trust. It’s as if everything you believed in and everything that existed has suddenly been shattered. The world you thought was real disappears, leaving behind a dark and ugly landscape strewn with lies and deception. The person you love is suddenly a stranger and you no longer feel safe in your own home. (more…)

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Sex Addiction–Fact or Fiction?

question-markIs there really such a thing as Sexual Addiction? Is Sex Addiction an uncontrollable, inbred, genetic disorder that cannot be reversed or cured? Is Sex Addiction a psychological disorder brought about by childhood trauma or abuse? Or, are Sex Addicts simply self-centered, immature and immoral jerks; individuals who lack impulse control and who seek pleasurable experiences without considering the consequences?

Ask ten counselors or psychiatrists and you will probably get at least that many answers. The major 12 step groups for Sex Addicts have varying but similar views (more…)

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