Tiger Woods Rehab More Like A Resort Vacation
It is official, Tiger Woods has entered rehab for his so called Sex Addiction. Does this sound like someone who is humbled by recognition of his disease and is ready to give his all to recovery?
Sex Addiction explained. Causes, recovery, new methods of recovery, counseling, 12 steps, how spouses of Sex Addicts cope, what it is like to be married to a Sex Addict.
Discovery
Our path to recovery starts with discovery. The ways that each of us find out about our spouse’s Sexual Addiction are as varied as the types of addiction. Some of us are jolted into painful reality with a phone call from the local jail, the other woman or man, or just by having to face the overwhelming evidence that we have been trying to ignore. Rarely, our spouse may have become so distressed with their way of life that they will shock us with a confession.
But, however it happens, the initial discovery is only the beginning. It took over four years for my husband to reveal the full spectrum of his addictive activities. This partial disclosure is quite common among Sex Addicts. Often those who are confronted will vehemently deny any wrongdoing and only fess up to what absolutely cannot be denied. This kind of behavior can make you crazy. Not only is the frustration enough to make you want to scream, but over time a more insidious pattern emerges where we begin to doubt ourselves. (more…)
The ‘Quick Fix’ Trap
I’ve seen it happen so many times. A Sex Addiction is discovered. There are tears and screams, anger, pain, threats and lots of smoke and mirrors. After the dust settles you have conversations–lots of them, some good, most of them bad, but it helps clear the air.
Then you are both spent, emotionally drained. That’s when it happens. And it happens early, usually within the first few weeks or maybe even a few months of the time of the discovery. Both of you start to talk about the future, and there is hope. Your spouse or partner glows with new insights and understanding of their addiction. Apologies, flowers, poems and letters of undying love flow like quicksilver and date nights filled with passion bring a sense of renewed commitment. You let your guard down and start to hope again.
I like to compare this to the eye of a hurricane. (more…)
Confronting The Sex Addict
Whether you have just discovered your spouse or partner's clandestine sexual behaviors, or you are painfully discovering new or repeated evidence, you will need to make a decision about how to confront them.
Depression and Sex Addiction
As we know, there is no ‘magic pill’ for Sex Addiction, but there may be some hope for the large percentage of addicts who suffer from depression.
I remember my life before my husband started taking antidepressants. It was pure HELL! Not only was he acting out (which I didn’t know) but he was the classic Mr. Doom and Gloom. Nothing was ever right. If it was raining it was ‘crappy outside’. If the sun was out it was ‘too damn hot’, if it was Tuesday…well, you get the picture. He was just miserable to live with and he made everyone around him miserable too.
He refused to discuss depression with his doctor claiming that he was not depressed, he was just feeling down about his life circumstances–an ex wife from hell, an estranged relationship with his daughters, superiors at work who didn’t like him–oh he always had an excuse. (more…)
What A Way To Start The New Year
Sex Addiction is still in the news, but methinks we have returned to the not so golden age of the fifties where men were men because men were men. Can this writer/chef/comedian who posted this article in the Huffington Post really reflect the views of American men or is his tongue stuck so far into his cheek that it has reached his backside, thus blocking any pathways to his brain? (more…)
What Are Your Biggest Challenges?
Loving a Sex Addict certainly has it’s challenges especially early in recovery, but a few stand out as particularly difficult. Which of these challenges do you and your spouse or partner have the most trouble with and how do you resolve the conflict?
Building Trust Trust is necessary for you to feel safe in a relationship. Do you trust your spouse/partner? What do they do to build your trust?
Dealing with Anger Anger and it’s honest expression is vital to our recovery. Sex Addicts have a difficult time dealing with our anger. How has anger affected your relationship?
Establishing Boundaries Boundaries empower you, they allow you to take control and establish what you will and will not allow in the relationship. How do you communicate your boundaries to your spouse or partner? (more…)
Do You Or Don’t You?
Are you still having sex with your spouse or partner even though you know that they are a Sex Addict? Do you practice safe sex by using condoms?
This usually happens early in the process of discovery and disclosure. I guess it’s just human nature–and our primal need to feel close to someone we love again along with a bit of denial about facing our fears about the unknown future. (more…)
Journaling
A journal is a record of our experiences, an account or memoir of our journey through a certain time in our life.
During the four years of the discovery and recovery of my husband’s Sex Addiction I wrote hundreds of pages of my thoughts, feelings, anger, frustration, hope and resentment. It was a powerful method of venting thoughts and feelings that I was just not ready to share with anyone else. (more…)
Setting Boundaries
An important part of staying in a relationship with a Sex Addict is setting boundaries. These boundaries let the Sex Addict know that they can no longer abuse you and that you value yourself and have the self confidence to stand up for what you know is right for you. These boundaries also act as the ‘line in the sand’ that makes very clear what actions you will not accept from your spouse or partner. (more…)
Tiger Woods-Sex Addict or Just A Jerk?
Unless you live in a cave you have heard the stories and speculation about Tiger Woods’ extramarital dalliances. Whenever a rich and powerful man is caught with his pants down it makes me wonder. Are these men really Sex Addicts (as many claim) or are they just self-centered idiots who take advantage of their power and position?
Thanks to Dr. Carnes and others who have studied Sexual Addiction we have a better understanding of this disease. But, not everyone who has multiple affairs, visits prostitutes and massage parlors or sneaks out of the closet every now and then is a Sex Addict. Some of them are just jerks. (more…)
Book Update And Other Things
If you read the quote below you will understand when I say that writing my book, Married To A Sex Addict, has taken over my life. It has not quite…