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Laughable Lies

comedy_tragedySometimes it helps to take a look at the comical side of tragedy. Now I know that Sex Addiction is no laughing matter, but often the excuses are. And, not only are the stories uncreative, implausible and transparent it is also comical that they somehow think their tall tales will convince us of their innocence. Sometimes I think they all went to the same school of absurdity as almost all Sex Addicts come up with the same lines. Here are a few of my favorites:

I swear, it was the very first time I ever did that.
It was only once.
It was only twice.
I never intended to meet her, I was just playing mind games with her.
I never intended to do anything, I just wanted to meet her. (more…)

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Grieving Your Losses Part 2

screaming womanAhhhhhh…ANGER! If you are not familiar with it you better get used to living with your new best friend. Anger is the second stage of grief and for most of us who are confronted with our spouse’s Sex Addiction it is the emotion that stays with us the longest.

Now, some people, such as counselors, co-12 step groups and the like will advise that we should avoid outbursts of anger and that we need to act in a ‘mature’ manner; that anger will have a negative effect on communication or that our expression of anger will cause the addict to withdraw and feel more shame.

Well, sorry, I beg to differ here (and that’s putting it mildly). Unless and until you get all your anger out, (more…)

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Sex Addicts Live In A World Of Extremes

black and whiteSex Addicts live in a rigid, limited world. It’s an absolute black and white existence without any nuances of gray. Their world is either right or wrong, good or bad, all or nothing, always or never. Life is either 100% one way or the other; 50-50 just does not compute. They do not reason, compromise or work things out. Everything is placed in it’s left or right, black or white category never to be pondered again.

This ‘black and white’ thinking is a form of Cognitive Rigidity, a Borderline Personality Disorder that is common to all types of addicts and survivors of abuse. It is a primitive pattern seen in early childhood, which ties in with the emotional immaturity of Sex Addicts.

This type of thinking makes it difficult to communicate with a Sex Addict. (more…)

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Grieving Your Losses Part 1

grief1When you find out that your spouse or partner is a Sex Addict a piece of you dies. You lose your sense of reality and equilibrium, your self esteem, your lifestyle, your hope and your trust. It’s as if everything you believed in and everything that existed has suddenly been shattered. The world you thought was real disappears, leaving behind a dark and ugly landscape strewn with lies and deception. The person you love is suddenly a stranger and you no longer feel safe in your own home. (more…)

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Staggered Disclosures

disclosuresWhy can’t they just tell me everything and get it over with?

That is probably the most painful cry of spouses and partners of Sex Addicts. We get information in bits and pieces, or as one woman put it, ‘on the installment plan’. Even when confronted with black and white evidence Sex Addicts just can’t seem to admit what they have done. Even though we beg them for the whole story we only get a few paragraphs at a time.

And every time a new ‘truth’ comes out, every time we hear another contradiction or find out about another lie we feel as if the old wounds have been ripped open and doused with salt. And with every new disclosure we are thrown back to square one, left to start all over again picking up the pieces (more…)

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Sex Addiction–Fact or Fiction?

question-markIs there really such a thing as Sexual Addiction? Is Sex Addiction an uncontrollable, inbred, genetic disorder that cannot be reversed or cured? Is Sex Addiction a psychological disorder brought about by childhood trauma or abuse? Or, are Sex Addicts simply self-centered, immature and immoral jerks; individuals who lack impulse control and who seek pleasurable experiences without considering the consequences?

Ask ten counselors or psychiatrists and you will probably get at least that many answers. The major 12 step groups for Sex Addicts have varying but similar views (more…)

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