I have seen a troubling trend, especially within the scientific community. That trend is the labeling of those involved with a Sex Addict, or any addict for that matter, as a co-addict. Because counselors and Sex Addiction treatment centers look toward the scientific community for guidance I expect to soon see the term co-addict routinely used to indicate someone who is in a relationship with a Sex Addict.
Our path to recovery starts with discovery. The ways that each of us find out about our spouse’s Sexual Addiction are as varied as the types of addiction. Some of us are jolted into painful reality with a phone call from the local jail, the other woman or man, or just by having to face the overwhelming evidence that we have been trying to ignore. Rarely, our spouse may have become so distressed with their way of life that they will shock us with a confession. But, however it happens, the initial discovery is only the beginning. It took over four years for my husband to reveal the full spectrum of his addictive activities. This partial disclosure is quite common among Sex Addicts. Often those who are confronted will vehemently deny any wrongdoing and only fess up to what absolutely cannot be denied. This kind of behavior can make you crazy. Not only is the frustration enough to make you want to scream, but over time a more insidious pattern emerges where we begin to doubt ourselves. […]
Just imagine...A group meeting where kindred souls come together; a place of sharing and empowerment, discussions and suggestions; each strengthening and supporting without dogma, authoritarianism or judgment. A place to ask for and give advice. A place to find comfort and direction. A place where emotions can be expressed without [...]
Well, I went to my second COSA meeting this week
I still have major objections to the implication that a spouse or partner of a sex addict needs to accept the tenants of the 12 steps.
Is there really such a thing as Sexual Addiction? Is Sex Addiction an uncontrollable, inbred, genetic disorder that cannot be reversed or cured? Is Sex Addiction a psychological disorder brought about by childhood trauma or abuse? Or, are Sex Addicts simply self-centered, immature and immoral jerks; individuals who lack impulse control and who seek pleasurable experiences without considering the consequences? Ask ten counselors or psychiatrists and you will probably get at least that many answers. The major 12 step groups for Sex Addicts have varying but similar views […]
Can you believe that? After years of separation, counseling, 12 step meetings, soul searching and an ungodly amount of time spent in discussions over his addiction, my husband had the nerve to claim that he had never cheated on me. Okay, let's see, hundreds of hookers, three to five times [...]
Probably the most controversial issue surrounding addictions of all types is recovery. Most recovery programs are based on the AA 12 step model. Statistics are difficult to decipher and recovery rates vary from 5% to almost 100%. The higher stats don’t take into account all the members who come to a few meetings and, for whatever reason, never return. Of course, those who stay will claim a 100% recovery rate. Scientific data on the 12 step programs show that the recovery rate is almost exactly the same as no intervention at all, which will result in a spontaneous recovery of about 5% of addicts. It is unfortunate that the mindset of our society is […]
From my journal: It always comes down to this when dealing with a Sex Addict. It's not about what they do, although that is vitally important, it's more about what they say. It’s always about the lies. The lies will get you every time. The lies will cause the doubts. [...]
As if spouses and partners of Sex Addicts don't have enough problems sometimes the media just adds to our grief by perpetuating myths thinly cloaked as science. While searching the internet for resources for my book I came across an article claiming that Sex Addiction is in the genes. "The [...]
I have doing a lot of research for my book and one of the most interesting subjects is the role of chemicals in the brain and how imbalances may contribute to Sexual Addiction. While doing the research I had some insight into my husband’s recovery as a Sex Addict. My husband has been completely sober from Sex Addiction for two years, which is stunning considering he could never go more than a few months before. What is interesting is that about three years ago he started taking the medication Wellbutrin to help him stop smoking. This is actually an antidepressant but it has also been found to help smokers quit. He didn’t stop smoking but we did notice an improvement in his mood swings, so we had his doctor continue the drug. When his moods started swinging again, the doctor increased his dosage and he has been remarkably stable ever since. Then, he started on Chantix, […]
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